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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Joint facebook and email accounts.

43 replies

halvedfees · 31/07/2017 01:12

I have a work colleague who is in her 40s married for 15 years with 2 kids. She has a joint email account with her husband. Weirder than that she uses his facebook page which is solely under his name. The only indication of her being on the page is the university name below his. So any posts could be from either of them.

Aibu or is that just not at all healthy?

OP posts:
SlightlyfreakedouT1 · 31/07/2017 01:14

He's definite had an affair at some stage!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 31/07/2017 01:17

It's not exactly usual, but I don't see an issue with it.

I mainly use my DH's email, simply because I want everything to be from his name Grin I do have my own but rarely use it.

RedPandaMama · 31/07/2017 01:19

My parents do this and it's ridiculous and strange. They're almost 50 a share a Facebook account under my dad's name and an email address, also under his name. My mum says it's because she 'doesn't use it enough to see the point in having her own' but she's on it far more than he is. To be honest, she's just very controlling and neurotic. It's unhealthy and he has no privacy, I feel bad for them both.

Birdsgottaf1y · 31/07/2017 01:20

I think that usually there has been an affair.

However, I'm 49, I've got friends who aren't tech savvy and have no interest, or need in having an email address, so they use their spouses. It's only been for emailing a CV etc.

I don't use FB as such, if I didn't have two under 3, GC, I wouldn't bother with it. So if I was still married and my DH had FB, I wouldn't bother with my own account.

Kursk · 31/07/2017 01:21

We have our own emails and a joint one, joint one is used for household stuff

Seeingadistance · 31/07/2017 01:22

YANBU. Was just thinking about this myself as I'm in a closed FB group - work-related - and one of the others in the group goes by, eg., AndrewAnne Smith, accompanied by a profile pic of a man and woman in their mid 60s. I think the person who posts in this group is Andrew but am not entirely sure. I find it a little creepy, tbh, which is probably unfair.

Original poster
halvedfees · 31/07/2017 01:23

She is an early 40s university grad in a very responsible job, so not being tech savvy doesn't explain it.

Also she hasn't got a personal email or fb page at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
halvedfees · 31/07/2017 01:25

Also the fb page is under his name only, no indication of her apart from the 2 universities listed

OP posts:
Whathaveilost · 31/07/2017 01:32

For a long time we shared the same email.
It really wasn't an issue as I saw the inbox similar to a letter box, stuff came in and it was either for me or him, or it was junk mail so it was deleted. No affairs, nothing sinister just easy that way. All that came in was confirmation on hotel bookings, train tickets and updates on what's on at our favourite venues.
Recently DH has changed his business so enquiries were coming in so I asked him to set up a separate account for them.

He had no real interest in FB except the odd post that his sister or occasionly person put up so I my comment ' Hey, Dave says.......'
No problem and it doesn't seem odd. It's just the way things have evolved and what has worked for us.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 31/07/2017 01:54

I agree, it's weird and I often wonder which one cheated. At best, it's very codependent.

MakeItStopNeville · 31/07/2017 01:59

I know someone who makes her DH have a joint FB account and then she has one of her own as well. She freely admits to reading all his emails. He's never had an affair but she has massive trust issues, even after 15 years of marriage. I can't understand how anyone can live like that tbh.

Sn0tnose · 31/07/2017 02:11

I use my DH's FB account because I don't want an account of my own. It's just in his name and only his details are on there. He's FB friends with the vast majority of my friends anyway, so it's convenient for me to keep up with friends that live a distance away and join various groups connected to my hobbies. He doesn't really have long involved chats with my friends and I don't with his friends. And if we do, we make it very clear in the first message who's talking. They all know I use his account. I also use his email address if I need to give one because I have no idea what my password is, although he has to tell me if there's an email to me because I never bother to check.

I've definitely never had an affair and to the best of my knowledge, neither has he. I just don't want my own account and he's kind enough to let me use his so I don't need to.

Sn0tnose · 31/07/2017 02:16

Oh, and I trust him implicitly and we're not at all co-dependent.

lalalalyra · 31/07/2017 02:32

Do they definately use a joint email? Lots of people think we have a joint email, but we don't. We have a joint domain name (DH is techy) so my email is [email protected]. His is [email protected]. People assume they are joint, but they are not, we don't see each others, but we both see another one that is for household shit (like the car insurance etc).

SilverBirchTree · 31/07/2017 02:36

I personally find it very strange when couples share social media accounts. It makes me think there is something off about their relationship/sense of self.

Original poster
halvedfees · 31/07/2017 03:47

No it is definitely a joint email it is along the lines of
[email protected]

And on the facebook page it is not at all clear who likes photos comments etc

OP posts:
LadyCassandra · 31/07/2017 03:54

Our friends do this too. Their FB is joint. DH is in a men's bible study group with the husband and they group share a lot, but the rest of the group won't send anything by email because of this. As far as I know, no evidence of an affair (and we know them really well) but I think it's the hangover of their backpacking days years ago where they had one email address. It's weird and frustrating.

LadyCassandra · 31/07/2017 03:54

the group

Ginandplatonic · 31/07/2017 04:16

We have a joint/family email account, and I know lots of people who also do. Really don't see what is weird/codependent/pathologically jealous about it. A lot of the messages are about kids' things, school things, travel bookings, bills and various stuff that is relevant to both of us. Why should all those things come to my personal email and be for me exclusively to deal with or take note of?

There have been lots of complaints recently about women's excessive share of the mental load - why is having a shared family email so we can both participate in the organisational tasks perceived as weird or hard to understand??

echt · 31/07/2017 06:03

DH and I had two joint emails, and no, no affair, weirdness, co-dependency, of about our relationship or sense of self. The very idea of the that last one would have our friends rolling in the aisles. I knew his phone and iPad passwords as he knew mine.

Our email address gives no indication of who it's from and both were open to each other. Just easier.

OnionKnight · 31/07/2017 06:06

My wife's aunt and uncle share the same Facebook profile too, the uncle isn't very good with technology which is probably why they share it, either that or he's shagged around.

Tilapia · 31/07/2017 06:07

I know a couple who have a joint FB account, and another who completely share their email address. I do find it a bit weird when I email my friend and her husband replies!

echt · 31/07/2017 06:09

I really don't see why joint emails is a sign of shagging around, when you can always secretly start up another anyway.

Tilapia · 31/07/2017 06:09

Ginandplatonic - but is that your only email address or do you have a separate personal one too?

Me264 · 31/07/2017 06:24

My PIL don't have fb but they have just the one shared email address and only one mobile phone between them! It's not because either one of them is controlling, it's because they're weirdly co-dependent. And not very tech savvy so don't use either very much.

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