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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Joint facebook and email accounts.

43 replies

halvedfees · 31/07/2017 01:12

I have a work colleague who is in her 40s married for 15 years with 2 kids. She has a joint email account with her husband. Weirder than that she uses his facebook page which is solely under his name. The only indication of her being on the page is the university name below his. So any posts could be from either of them.

Aibu or is that just not at all healthy?

OP posts:

Doobigetta · 31/07/2017 06:36

I can't really see a problem with having a shared mailbox for domestic stuff. It would be weird not to have your own personal one as well though. And I think it's very unprofessional to use a shared mailbox for work stuff and job applications.

Handsupbabyhandsup · 31/07/2017 06:58

I've got a shared email address with my DH. No affair just made sense when we opened it 15 years ago as he never uses the computer. He doesn't usually check it. It's a little annoying when he signs up to mailing lists!!!

SpottedGingham · 31/07/2017 07:34

Do you all only have the one email address for everything? I've got about 8 and so does my OH. For various reasons: business, friends, secondary eBay accounts, throwaway email for offers where there's a good chance of spam etc...

Whathaveilost · 31/07/2017 07:39

I answered last night but I'm really not getting why a joint email is weird. In over 20 years I haven't needed to send or review anything private. It's not like I send chatty emails or conduct business in private. If I wanted to sneak around I could set private one up but what's the point when all I'm receiving is updates from Houzz and offers fronJohn Lewis.
Again with FB I had suggested that DH gets his own account but he has no interest and it's only when I push stuffonhim he'll say 'oh say say for me'

Blimey, we are not co depend on each other,or joined at the hip. We have separate and joint interests,joint and separate nights out, joint and separate finances and share an email. Seriously no problem.

Whathaveilost · 31/07/2017 07:42

lmer · 31/07/2017 08:21

We share an email- it means that nothing gets missed and we're both 100% aware of what's going on.

Emboo19 · 31/07/2017 08:23

Was thinking the same Spotted although I don't have eight. I have three and my boyfriend has two (I think).
Each to their own, although I wouldn't do it. I've never exchanged anything personal by email, so wouldn't be bothered by my boyfriend reading them. Although would make surprise presents/trips difficult as the other person could see the email confirmation.
We both have Facebook, but rarely use it, it's more to keep in touch with family rather than friends. Still wouldn't want to share one though.

I'd probably think they don't have any seperate interests and that I do find odd. But if it works for them.

Fluffyears · 31/07/2017 08:36

We have a joint e-mail for house stuff, e-billing, joint account statements etc. We also each have two e-mail addresses of our own. I have my original one I set up when I was 19 and a newer one with a better name from when I was looking for a new job.

I bought DP's Christmas presents online last year, a joint e-mail would have spoiled the surprise.

One of my Facebook contacts will have comments on her pictures etc from her dad's name and picture but signed 'Granny' I wonder why his wife doesn't get an account since she seems to use it most.

coddiwomple · 31/07/2017 08:43

I know a few people who a joint FB, can't see the issue. They don't really use it, it's just to keep in touch with family and friends, not as "private" thing as such, so it really doesn't mater. Not everything is about infidelity . They wouldn't have a landline each either, so they see it the same way.

A joint email wouldn't be convenient for me, but can't see the issue for others. As above, we have several accounts anyway, but who cares.

CoughLaughFart · 31/07/2017 08:55

An old school friend of mine recently made a big thing on FB of being 'ready' to combine accounts with her soon to be second husband - as if this was a) something all couples did at some point and b) a big event. It just seemed a bit twee and smug to me - 'look how in love we are'.

Lovethebubbles · 31/07/2017 08:56

I know two couples with joint Facebook accounts. Neither are guilty of affairs. One of the couples are joined at the hip and do literally everything together. So I assume they feel the need to share Facebook too. It's annoying though as when they comment on things, you have to guess which person the comment has come from. I really don't understand why they don't just get their own!

Merlanguis · 31/07/2017 09:07

We both have personal email accounts and a joint gmail account which we use for any joint stuff such as utilities, family emails etc. Think it's practical and actually gives us more privacy as there is clear line that are private accounts are private whereas with the joint account we can both see who has replied to what etc.

Joint FB groups definitely a bit odd for younger people/heavy users.

InThisTogether · 31/07/2017 09:16

My BIL and wife (happily married 30+ years) do this, they're in their 50's and he doesn't really use fb at all, and she doesn't really use it much more. They have it mainly to keep up with their (mid-20's) daughters, extended family and any social engagements.
I've never thought it was particularly odd, as it makes sense if you know them.

MissBax · 31/07/2017 09:29

I'd probably find it mildly odd but wouldn't really think much of it and aslong as their both happy with it, who am I to judge?

Hudson10 · 31/07/2017 09:57

I think it's really weird too. It comes across as not being your own person, it's kind of creepy!

Birdsgottaf1y · 31/07/2017 10:13

""And I think it's very unprofessional to use a shared mailbox for work stuff and job applications.""

Not everyone is a professional. If you are just passing around your CV at employment agencies for factory work etc, then there's nothing to be unprofessional about.

I'm making applications on behalf of my Son-In-Law. It's mainly for driving/delivery jobs.

My DD has given me her email log in. I'm dealing with her buying a house.

They both value their face-to-face friendships and communicate by speaking to people. Whereas some people live and socialise online.

Whathaveilost · 31/07/2017 10:25

I think it's really weird too. It comes across as not being your own person, it's kind of creepy
I can't even start to understand how a joint email comes across as creepy and not being your own person. As I said before its no different to sharing the same letterbox!
Not being my own person. I go on holiday several times a year by myself. I have my own savings, friends, nights out. I can't see how a joint email is connected as not beung your own person at all!

coddiwomple · 31/07/2017 11:02

It comes across as not being your own person, it's kind of creepy

I think that applies to people who live on and for social media, the ones glued to their phone posting non-stop updates and photos believing they are reality tv show stars.

For the rest of us, it's only FB or an email. Really, who cares.

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