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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be considering working away from home during the week?

38 replies

Misty9 · 30/07/2017 17:41

I've seen a fantastic job opportunity but it's a two hour drive away and not practical for commuting. Dc are 3 and nearly 6 and settled here. Dh is very settled here and not at all keen on moving. It would be part time, likely 3 days, and I'm considering staying away for those days and coming home for the other four. At least on a trial basis for a year or so to see if I like the job.

Has anyone done this? I can only find threads about the father working away, not the mother. For context, dh is an amazing parent and works for himself from home so can do the childcare no problem. Job prospects in this geographical location are not great currently and this job is quite unique.

OP posts:

limon · 30/07/2017 17:54

Only you know whats ok for you and your family.

I personally would hate it.

Witsender · 30/07/2017 17:55

I wouldn't like it necessarily, but sounds perfectly do-able. You sound well set up for it!

bugaboo218 · 30/07/2017 17:56

Yes I do this three nights a week.for my job. Have three children.

luckylucky24 · 30/07/2017 17:57

If you would be happy doing it then yes go ahead. It certainly is not unreasonable to do so just because you are a mum.

I would hesitate more if it was 5 days.

Wolfiefan · 30/07/2017 17:57

Could you do longer hours on a couple of days and actually only have one night away?

SandyDenny · 30/07/2017 17:57

Part time I'd consider, definitey not full time but only you know if it would work for your children. If your dh is on board I'd give it a go for a year, 2 hours is not that bad if you decide to come home for extra nights. Would the 3 days be consecutive so only 2 nights away?

MrsMozart · 30/07/2017 17:59

Done this. It's bleugh.

Is it a perm job or contract? If perm, can you do longer days so have say Friday off?

SpartacusSaiman · 30/07/2017 17:59

My dh works from home and does most of the school runs (kids in different schools). I just drop dd on a morning.

He could do it all and i could work away. As much as it sounds like a dream 2 nights a week (if its 3 days, i would do 2 nights) i would only do it if it was a bucket load of money.

I would miss the kids and dh. I woild be hapoy to do it occassionally. Not every week.

Can imagine dh would actually love it

TartanDMs · 30/07/2017 18:01

I think I would go for it. I work away quite a lot (although not every week) and you have to have a solid relationship I think, otherwise the strain of such a big change may cause problems while you are both getting used to it.

Love51 · 30/07/2017 18:01

If you're working a 3 day week, you could only be away 2 nights a week. That's not a lot really. If it works out financially viable, and DH is on board, I'd give it a go. It could have a big strain on your relationship, but that's from my experience of 5 days (him away, pre kids). Also, if it does cause too much strain, you could always use your experience to find something nearer home.

SpartacusSaiman · 30/07/2017 18:01

Oh and yes it makes no difference if you are a woman. If you want to do it. Do it.

Love51 · 30/07/2017 18:03

Factor food costs into your calculations. Depending on accommodation, you might not be inclined to take packer lunch, if you're in a hotel, you will eat out in the evenings.....

caffeinestream · 30/07/2017 18:03

Is DH happy with this? Could you maybe give it a go for six months and then review?

I would say this if it was a husband wanting to work away too. Both parties need to be happy with the idea and feel able to speak up if they're struggling with it too.

Zhx3 · 30/07/2017 18:04

I think trialling it is a sensible idea. I worked away from home Mon-Fri (before dc), the commute was about 2.5h (180 miles). I'd leave on Sunday evening and return on Friday. I had to change jobs after dc was born, as my previous job wasn't really family friendly (erratic hours).

We recently thought dh might be relocated and he was very keen we all move as it would be full time and for the long term. I really would have struggled with it, and insisted on at least 6 months trial of him working away during the week. And I would have relocated with a very heavy heart if necessary, as we are really settled here.

Xmasbaby11 · 30/07/2017 18:05

I'd hate it personally. It wouldn't be my choice for family life, either me or dh being away.

AndNowItIsSeven · 30/07/2017 18:08

No , my children would come before a job/career. The later are simply necessary for family life not at the expense of it.

Letitrain · 30/07/2017 18:10

My colleague (female) did this for three years. Two small boys at home with dad. It worked really well for her. No reason not to do it if it works for you and your family.

hellsbells99 · 30/07/2017 18:19

I work away for 2 days a week and have done for years. Leave very early Monday morning and back late on Tuesday usually - with some flexibility on which days. It means DH has had to pull his weight and means I am not seen as the main parent. But when the children were younger, I still had to make sure everything was organised.

TigerBreadAddict · 30/07/2017 18:30

I would do this. In my field it's not uncommon, even amongst women, as jobs are few and far between.
I have a colleague who does it now. She lives 2-3 hours away by train. She travels in early on day 1, starts normal time and works until 7.30, stays local in travellodge or air bnb, starts again 7.30am day 2 and finishes at 4pm to catch train home (she also works remotely or travels to another part of country day 3).
Air bnb works well for her. She's found someone she likes to lodge with. She turns up late, microwaves a meal, watches tv in her room, goes to bed early and gets up and leaves early.
Whereas I commute to same place for a 3 day week 90 mins each way and barely see the kids on those three days. Maybe 1 hour before bed.
I think her way makes sense. Definitely see if you can be flexible with the hours though up work longer while you're there and leave earlier to go home.

StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2017 18:38

I did it for a couple of years only one night though a week. Worked from home the other days. I loved it, worked two incredibly long days which meant the other three were more relaxed. Dd was only 18m. They then reorganised and I moved to an office 20mins away :)
Could you negotiate two days in office, one at home?

mogulfield · 30/07/2017 18:40

I know a couple who make this work, he's at home and she's away 4 nights.

Original poster

Misty9 · 30/07/2017 19:13

Thanks for all the responses and it's helpful to hear from other mums who do this too. I should have been clearer in my OP, it's my career for which i trained 10 years and it's been on the back burner since the kids were born, with temp contracts only, so I have been prioritising family as much as possible. We relocated to this area as dh originates from here and has family nearby. But I underestimated the impact on my career and there's only one employer in this area and I have no desire to work for them again.

Good point that it would only be two nights. I haven't even applied yet but don't want to do that if it's not going to work for us. I'm not great at being a sahm and I think the kids would adjust. But if the job worked out then I'd be wanting us to move. Something dh is really not keen on.

OP posts:

Original poster

Misty9 · 30/07/2017 19:15

The job is permanent

OP posts:

TiredMumToTwo · 30/07/2017 19:19

I'd go for it.

Laska5772 · 30/07/2017 19:25

Most important is accommodation. does the job pay enough to rent or buy a small place to live? If you rent what are you gaining?

DH has worked away during the week for about the last 20 years and we have 2 houses - one here 'home' and one in the town he works in , but its 2 lots of bills, 2 lots of council tax and his main residence for legal purposes is there.. When he retires later this year if we sell it will be liable for capital gains tax..

Also of course you both have to be on totally board..

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