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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be considering working away from home during the week?

38 replies

Misty9 · 30/07/2017 17:41

I've seen a fantastic job opportunity but it's a two hour drive away and not practical for commuting. Dc are 3 and nearly 6 and settled here. Dh is very settled here and not at all keen on moving. It would be part time, likely 3 days, and I'm considering staying away for those days and coming home for the other four. At least on a trial basis for a year or so to see if I like the job.

Has anyone done this? I can only find threads about the father working away, not the mother. For context, dh is an amazing parent and works for himself from home so can do the childcare no problem. Job prospects in this geographical location are not great currently and this job is quite unique.

OP posts:

Laska5772 · 30/07/2017 19:26

sorry 'could' be liable for capital gains tax..

Gumbo · 30/07/2017 19:39

I've worked away from home between 1 and 4 nights a week for many years. In the beginning both DH and I found it hard but over time we've both got into our routines and we're all pretty used to it. (In fact, DH starts getting a bit twitchy when I'm not working away some weeks as it throws his routines out!) Hotels can be really tedious but once you've clocked up enough loyalty points you tend to get given great rooms etc which helps.

DC get used to it quickly and aren't too bothered...I always phone or skype before work, early evening and at bedtime.

It definitely can work but only if you have your DH''s full buy-in or it won't work (particularly when the kids are sick etc and he gets stressed) - what you don't want is him complaining that you're not being supportive....

Laska5772 · 30/07/2017 19:47

yes to total buy in from both (and trust of course) also making the time together proper family/you and him time. neither of us do hobbys etc at wekends that take us out for a long time.. We've both also worked F/T.so relied on having good reliable childcare . (you do need to have robust contingency plans though!) i was lucky in always having a friend who could help if needed .

StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2017 19:54

I used to stay in a cheap b and b. Only used it to sleep and shower.

Original poster

Misty9 · 30/07/2017 21:28

The accommodation aspect could be a hurdle. We considered buying somewhere but it really doesn't make sense for two nights a week. I've looked at B and B and it'd be around £50 pn minimum, but I imagine I'd get better rates for being such a regular guest. Serviced apartments was one thought I had, or finding a room but my track record with housemates is not great!

Dh is totally on board with not moving and I can't imagine him ever complaining that I'm not supporting him enough! He's better at parenting than me...

OP posts:

jelliebelly · 30/07/2017 21:38

Have you looked at airbnb? It's certainly doable if both partners are up for it - no harm in applying and see where it goes - if you try it and it doesn't work out what have you lost?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/07/2017 21:40

Many working parents only see their kids for an hour a day if that
If it works for your family and for your future career prospects then definitely consider it

And if you can't bear it that's cool too

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 30/07/2017 21:46

If you and DH are both happy with it, and you can sort and afford the accommodation, then I would say go for it, especially if it'll help your career and being a SAHM doesn't appeal.

If you get it, make sure DH gets some 'me time' when you're home. Give it a year, see how it works out?

motherinferior · 30/07/2017 22:03

God yes, definitely go for it!

museumum · 30/07/2017 22:29

Two nights a week would be fine. I wfh but often go away to clients 1-2 nights a week.
I'm sure someone you could find somebody who lives alone who would love to rent a spare room to someone who's only there two nights a week!

Laska5772 · 31/07/2017 14:44

Mad idea... but campervan?

Original poster

Misty9 · 31/07/2017 15:05

laska might be a bit cold in the winter! We have talked in the past about getting one though.

Having a very difficult day with ds and losing motivation to do anything about my career.

OP posts:

Kaytey · 31/07/2017 15:13

I'm sure you do equally as good a job at parenting your kids as your husband does.

Naturally you will miss your children and husband but personally I don't believe that two nights away is that big a deal - my husband and I both work full-time - our son is in nursery and I leave before he's up most days and he goes to bed about two hours after we're all home - so for four days a week I only actually get a couple of hours a day with him - looking at it that way - you could work away for three days and two nights and probably spend slightly more time with your kids than I do.

If it doesn't work out you aren't really going to be any 'worse off' if you are currently doing temp work anyway - you could always go back to that.

If you're all happy with giving it a go then I say go for it and see what happens.

Good luck if you do apply!

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