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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with the "you've still got ages to go" comments

37 replies

OnNaturesCourse · 30/07/2017 13:51

I 23+3 weeks pregnant with my first and I've recently had some problems with aches and pains (possible SPD) Whenever I speak to others, aside from DP, about it I tend to hear the "and your not even that big...yet!" or "just you wait, it'll get worse" kind of comments.

I probably used to be guilty of silly, silence filling comments like that but now I'm on the receiving side it's super grating on me.

Makes me feel like I'm failing at this pregnancy thing as "it's too early" for these problems, or I'm "so big!" already.

Does anyone else feel this, or have polite but direct responses? I'm going to be driven loopy over the next few months!

OP posts:
samatamfabahaba · 30/07/2017 13:53

I used to hate that. Also if I was tired and mentioned it even in passing... "ooh you just wait, it'll get worse" or "you've got no idea what tired is yet"

Thanks for that, dickhead.

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 30/07/2017 13:56

Yes! The tired comments have been fired my way too. I've also had the "just you wait" when casually complaining about housework/chores in the passing. It's like they all want us to think our world is going to be horrific after having children.

OP posts:
Jessiecat27 · 30/07/2017 13:59

26 weeks, I feel you! Why can't they say nothing if they have nothing nice to say?!

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 30/07/2017 14:01

For sure!

It's like we just shouldn't feel pregnancy related things until 30+ weeks at the very earliest. Like, is that when the "hard part" is meant to start? Jee.

OP posts:
toolonglurking · 30/07/2017 14:26

When I was pregnant I found it very difficult, it felt like everyone couldn't wait to pile on with the 'oh just you wait's and the 'you won't be able to do that much longer's.
They are all miserable gits, enjoy what you can, and when people come at you with their misery smile sweetly and say that you are just looking forward to meeting your baby.

Just a warning, I found as I got closer to my due date I also started to get a lot of 'My sister's friend's aunt nearly died giving birth' and similar shitty horror stories, again, please, for your own sanity just smile and walk away!

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 30/07/2017 14:40

I've had horror stories. Last night it was "ooo I was like you for x, y and z reasons and had so many stitches I couldnt sit for a week!"

Like total over share, no need. Lol

OP posts:
ADuckNamedSplash · 30/07/2017 14:41

YANBU!

On the flip side, I'm now 35 weeks and a lot of people have started saying how quickly my pregnancy has gone. Maybe it was quick for YOU - you're not the one who's pregnant... Hmm

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 30/07/2017 14:45

😂 very true. I already feel like I've been pregnant for ages, curse of finding out so early at 3 weeks. 😥

OP posts:
BellyBean · 30/07/2017 14:53

I actually struggled a lot with sleep around the 20wk mark as it took me a long time to get accustomed to side sleeping. It did improve.

If you've getting potential spd pains, get referred to physio asap as it takes at least 6wks.

Buthewasstillhungry · 30/07/2017 14:57

Just ignore everything that gets said at you during pg.
I hated all the ridiculous know it all advice that people feel compelled to give.

DontChewMonkey · 30/07/2017 14:59

In my last pregnancy at around 20 weeks I struggled to lie on my sides because the top of my leg would go numb. It turns out it was caused by pressure on a nerve. It actually eased as I got bigger as the weight was distributed differently.

And with two out of my three children I've slept way better after they've been born than when I was pregnant.

Good luck. I tried to remind myself regularly that people were just trying to make conversation and not be hurtful, even if that's how I felt

user1497357411 · 30/07/2017 15:12

We had IVF to get me pregnant and even though my son only slept two hours at the time for the first 11½ months, I still looked at him starry eyed and thought "This is even better than I thought". A lot of those people who thinks having babies is really hard are the type of people who never used to do anything for anyone else if they could help it and that is why it is so though for them to have someone in the house where they can't just say "Do it yourself! I'm busy/reading/watching telly". Smile

Don't you worry. You'll be fine.

Hapaxlegomenon · 30/07/2017 15:39

I had spd from early on too and it was so painful I found it hard to sleep at all - I had comments like 'oh just you wait, you'll be DREAMING of this time once the baby arrives! (I'm not, being in pain is worse than being tired with a newborn). I also found it painful to walk, and I got 'you don't need to walk like that, you're not THAT pregnant yet!'
Yes the comments do grate, but just ignore them. It doesn't always get worse, sometimes things improve Smile

AccrualIntentions · 30/07/2017 15:39

Yes this annoys me too. I've been really well so far, no real negative symptoms at all (I've been very lucky) but practically everyone I tell that to gleefully tells me how awful it's going to get later.

LittleWingSoul · 30/07/2017 15:56

A lot of those people who thinks having babies is really hard are the type of people who never used to do anything for anyone else

This is a really fucking stupid and untrue thing to say, user

SpartacusSaiman · 30/07/2017 15:57

But op, if you used to do it. You know why people do it.

LittleWingSoul · 30/07/2017 16:02

True, spartacus , she'll probably not do it again after this!

I hate talking about my pregnancy full stop this time round due to antenatal depression. I know no one means any harm by anything they say but I find all comments annoying.

Original poster
OnNaturesCourse · 30/07/2017 18:09

I didn't make the pregnancy comments aside from "look at your bump! " etc as I'd never been pregnant. You're right though, I'll definitely reconsider my conversations.

As for you don't need to walk like that, you're not THAT pregnant yet! I've had that too. I wanted to punch said person in the nose but it would have meant waddling back over to them and it just wasnt worth the pain!!

OP posts:
Mulledwine1 · 30/07/2017 18:52

I got fed up with all the silly comments about "you'll never sleep again" either.

Well my son slept through the night from 5 weeks old. So I did, indeed sleep again. And very soon! I actually slept better than I had in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

Ignore the silly people who want to scare you. I really don't get why people do it.

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 30/07/2017 19:52

Poor you :( I had really nasty spd with randomly resolved around 26 weeks. It was the pits.
I'm now 33 weeks today and now I'm feeling a bit better the weeks are going faster.
It's not fun for everybody, hang in there! X

Beebee7 · 30/07/2017 20:02

'Haven't you had that baby yet? You have been pregnant forever!'

That was my fave line! Hmm

( No I fucking haven't! ) Hmm

And another fave of mine

'You're enormous, you look like a whale!'

And my ultimate fave

A man who worked with DH at the time said (2 WEEKs after I had our first,) ''is the baby still in there? Yer belly is still huge!'

Cunt. Hmm

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 30/07/2017 20:07

Jesus user. What a horrible thing to say! No, struggling with a baby has nothing to do with being "the type of person who never used to do anything for anyone else". How insensitive! Angry

FiftyShadesOfDuckEggBlue · 30/07/2017 22:59

My first trimester was the most difficult part of the whole thing (bar the birth)! Every pregnancy and every baby are different, People need to stop making such nasty and ignorant comments.

BlueIsYou · 31/07/2017 10:20

Just say "Baby could be born and survive around this time so I've hardly just got a positive test" Smile

PonderLand · 31/07/2017 10:31

OP my spd stared really early on too! So bad when I sat down at break time and then had to get back up! Really feel for you, it's hard going is pregnancy.
Since having my son I never comment on people's pregnancies at all because I'm too worried about saying something wrong!

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