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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to believe the widely used term"Terrible Twos?"

43 replies

MamaBear001 · 29/07/2017 23:17

Hello,

Darling DD 16 months is starting to tantrum a little, and it's got me nervous and full of dread for the upcoming "terrible twos."

Could OPs possible give me their experiences of the toddler stages? There are loads of popular myths around having kids I'm secretly hoping this is one of them (aha!).

Also, what techniques did you use for discipline and how did you et around the language barrier as DD isn't fully conversing yet?

Funny stories welcome too!

Thanks xx

OP posts:
nokidshere · 29/07/2017 23:18

The term terrible twos was coined by someone who clearly hadn't had a 3 year old yet Grin

skyzumarubble · 29/07/2017 23:18

We didn't have terrible twos - we had truly horrific threes!

ferriswheel · 29/07/2017 23:19

I have three children, aged 2, 3 and 4. I shit you not I've been in the Terrible Twos for fucking ever. Good luck.

BlurryFace · 29/07/2017 23:27

I have a terrible twos and a terrible threes. Everyone's covered in bitemarks. Send help.

NotSoEagerBeaver · 29/07/2017 23:28

Terrible twos begins at 18 months and NEVER ENDS Shock

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 29/07/2017 23:29

Sorry but as far as I remember the fucking fours are no better... it did improve substantially after that though partly as they were at school lots of the time

Camomila · 29/07/2017 23:29

IME the terrible twos (from working in a nursery) tend to range from around 1.5 - 2.5, then around 2.5 you can hopefully start to reason with them a bit.

My DS (15 months) is just starting now, tbh I find treating him like a puppy works quite well Blush so going outside lots to wear him out, plus regular snacks and cuddles when he gets whingy...it's mainly the days when it's chucking it down and we don't leave the house that he can be trying, I think he gets cabin fever...especially as we're only in a smallish flat.

TuddlesAndSisses · 29/07/2017 23:29

My two year old (who was the baby who was constantly crying and never content) is honestly a little angel. He's good at sharing, he is careful around animals and other children, he's kind and thoughtful and funny. He has occasional tantrums but can generally be talked around with reasoning if you get to him quickly.

I'm enjoying it for now because I am 100% sure he'll turn into a monster again soon!

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 29/07/2017 23:32

I think it has a lot to do with communication. DD1 could speak really well by 2, and she was a wonderful toddler fucking horrendous threenager though. DD2 has just turned 2, her speech is delayed and she is a typical terrible two!! Luckily she is very petite so easy to scoop up in one arm and continue my day Smile

Neolara · 29/07/2017 23:35

All 3 of my kids went nuts for about a year at some point around two and a half.

LittleOwl153 · 29/07/2017 23:45

I thought Threenager was a joke until my second turned into one!

SecondBreakfast · 29/07/2017 23:48

Sorry but as far as I remember the fucking fours are no better...

Thought this was utterly hilarious. Then I realised we are not there yet. :/

KeepServingTheDrinks · 29/07/2017 23:55

I think the stress comes when they get to an age where they want to question/push the boundaries and don't have the necessary language/communication.

I massively believe that boundaries make children feel safe. But the only way to know a boundary is truly secure is to test it. I think that's pretty-much the terrible twos.

So my advice would be to keep the boundaries strong (i.e. no means no), but also to discuss where you can and compromise together.

But it's also about power. At around 2 yrs old you have NO power (you think!)... you go where the adults dictate, you adhere to their timetable (unless you're an early riser like my bloody DD was!), you wear (more or less) the clothes they give you, you eat the food they provide at the times they give it.

So listen to what your child is telling you.

A good ploy (I think) is a clear choice and a consequence. Giving choice = giving children power, but make the choices things you would want in any case.

The terrible twos/threenagers or whatever can be challenging, but you won't love them any less.

MrsOverTheRoad · 29/07/2017 23:57

I agree that 3 is awful. My DC were HARD work then and now my nephew is the same!

sunshineandrainbowsparkles · 30/07/2017 00:00

My dd is almost 5 and still has temper tantrums! It doesn't end... you just develop coping strategies. Pick your battles OP!

stitchglitched · 30/07/2017 00:01

I scoffed at the terrible twos with DC1, he was a little angel. DC2 is currently 2.7 years and an absolute nightmare. I never thought something so little and cute could be so naughty and destructive. I'm praying that she grows out of it soon but if anything she's getting worse!

Original poster
MamaBear001 · 31/07/2017 15:22

Oh god!!

With DD not talking clearly yet (odd word and babble) is there a way I can be letting her know "no"?

I've disciplined as needed around bedtime (when she's playing up leave room 30 seconds and it's worked.)

Dreading!!

OP posts:
RiseToday · 31/07/2017 15:23

I'm going through the 2's right now. It's actually ok! I am clenching at the thought of the 3's though, from what I've read on here!

susannahmoodie · 31/07/2017 15:26

Mine were totally adorable when they were 2. I was very smug. Then they hit 3 and I wanted to send them back......

clumsyduck · 31/07/2017 15:31

No terrible twos over here
Smug
Then I found myself with a "threenager" Wink

QuercusQuercus · 31/07/2017 15:38

Some parts are really difficult and some are way better than the baby stage. DD is 2.2, smart and stubborn and deep in batshit territory, but she can be great and very rewarding. It's always about control. My top tip would be to give as much control as you can safely give to them. Even if it's the illusion of control, it'll do. 'Choices' between 2 pre-chosen options work well. Acting stupid works (you don't know how to find the toothbrush! Where can it be?) Sometimes a lot of the time there are times when they want to do something destructive, lethal, impossible or socially unacceptable and then if they're anything like mine they'll have a hideous tanrum with optional hitting. That's when it's shit. On the other hand, as a toddler DD can at least tell me what she wants so it's a big improvement in the baby crying stage.

RedGrapeCornSnake · 31/07/2017 15:49

My lot missed the terrible two's
We're 'ahem' headstrong during the threenagers
Bloody hilarious at 4 (the wonderful things they say seemed to peak at this age for me)

I'm about to enter real teenager territory in a few weeks and I will be in teenage territory for 13 (appropriate!) years 😮 - I didn't think far enough ahead when spacing my kids out!

UnaOfStormhold · 31/07/2017 15:55

I really recommend ahaparenting.com - great advice on setting limits firmly but with loads of empathy, and reducing/preempting tantrums. I don't always manage to follow her advice but the days when I do always go much better!

missmoohoo · 31/07/2017 19:00

Terrible twos is nothing. Three is the thing. I was thinking today Dd must behind in her growth. Seriously, they make you regret having children. I literally cried. Combined with a child who doesn't eat normal food. I am fucked. I need my old life back.

missmoohoo · 31/07/2017 19:03

I think it has a lot to do with communication nope! Dd knows exactly what she is doing. The worst thing is she has been coping other children she has had play dates with. The most badly behaved children I have met. Dd will stand there and watch them act out. The mums will comment on how great she is. Now she is doing the same thing.

Before all I had to worry about was food. Now I have manners too. I hate it.