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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Soft play etiquette

61 replies

Dobearsshitinwoods · 29/07/2017 21:15

I have a 15 month ds, friends has 2 year old and 5 year old. We went to a soft play with 2 other mums. I over heard friend mock my decision so I'm wondering if I am in the wrong.

At the soft play there is a section for under 3's my ds and friends ds were the only dc out of our group under 3 so the other dc played in the older section whilst my ds and friends ds played in the younger section. I went in with my ds to keep an eye on him and to play with him, thought friend would join me because her younger ds was with me but she didn't. As I went to join them at the table for food I over heard her mock my decision to play with ds, she said that I was mothering him to much that he needed to grow up, basically she thought I was in the wrong for going in the play area with him. Was I unreasonable?

At his age Im worried that he might stand on a younger baby or be pushed around by an older child. So I like to go in with him to make sure he's being nice and behaving, I'm not super glued to his side but I stay close enough that I can stop any bad behaviour before anyone gets hurt.
Aibu? Do I need to back off?

OP posts:
SnowiestMountain · 29/07/2017 21:19

I can see both sides, I'm afraid a lot of parents go to soft play so they can sit and chat with their friends while they just let their kids go off and do whatever. Rightly or wrongly you probably were viewed as a bit overprotective, but also probably make the other parents feel a bit guilty as they weren't doing the same as at 15 months, you probably should quite closely supervise your DC

museumum · 29/07/2017 21:20

Hard to remember but I think I supervised up till 2yrs.

museumum · 29/07/2017 21:21

Argh. Posted too soon...

Meant to add, so your child and your friends child are not st the same stage.

Witsender · 29/07/2017 21:21

At 15 months I wouldn't normally go and play with them, but would go and sit at the edge or whatever. I wouldn't bat an eye at someone going in with their child though, nor would I be surprised if someone didn't as long as they had half an eye and were responding.

loveulotslikejellytots · 29/07/2017 21:22

I go in with dd (18 months). Mainly because she's like a bull in a china shop and can be heavy handed with other kids.

I wouldn't let it worry you, just do what you feel is best.

GQT22 · 29/07/2017 21:22

No not wrong. I work in a kids play place, it's not primarily a soft play but there is a section in there. The amount of parents that leave young children to wander on their own is crazy!! It's busy, food and hot drinks being carried around in the cafe area.

Your son is 15months old, different story if he can come to you and tell you if something has happened. The other children are of age that they'll go play and tell you if anythings happened.

My DD is nearly 2.5 and I'm still wary of her on her own in the softplay, more because of older children. Plus I have fun playing too haha!! x

dArtagnansCrumpet · 29/07/2017 21:24

I supervise both mine. 4yo and 3yo. 4yo has Sen and 3 year old won't go in unless I go in with her. She had a bad experience before though where she was pinned down by 2 much older boys and it still makes me go cold.

Sick to back teeth of parents not watching their kids and them pushing and snatching. It's fucking laziness.

MistressPage · 29/07/2017 21:25

Lol at someone thinking you are 'mothering' a 15 month old too much! They sound like a twat. You crack on love. I play in the soft play with my 2 year old because I like playing with him and, you know, he's little and NEEDS 'mothering'

PuntasticUsername · 29/07/2017 21:25

"I over heard her mock my decision to play with ds, she said that I was mothering him to much that he needed to grow up"

She really said that of a 15 month baby?! Weird.

I always supervised at that age and either way, if you did just want to go in and play with him, what the hell is wrong with that anyway?

Spikeyball · 29/07/2017 21:28

At that age I think you need to be in with them or sitting somewhere close by where they are always visible to you.

MargaretTwatyer · 29/07/2017 21:28

I go in normally because it's less boring. But if I want to sit close by and have a coffee I would do that too. Either is fine at that age.

Bottom line is that your friend shouldn't have mocked you, it was unkind.

venys · 29/07/2017 21:30

What an idiot - absolutely go in with your 15 month old. I was in with my 16 month old today. She is pretty able but without me she probably would have drowned in the ball pit, couldn't use the push along merry go round, couldn't go In the swings etc etc so wouldn't have been much fun for her.

Pixie2015 · 29/07/2017 21:30

I would have been in there playing and looking after they grow up too quick, do what makes you happy and ignore what others think

user1484615313 · 29/07/2017 21:31

your ds is 15 months old not 15 years. Of course it's ok to sit with him and play.
Some parents can me so judgy.
Also those soft play places are full of hyped up kids whose parents don't think it's a good idea to supervise. so their dc decide to do a flying kick into the very LO playing and hurt them.

BlurryFace · 29/07/2017 21:31

I often go in with my DCs (2&3y/o) as the softplay we go to turns into the fucking Hunger Games when it's busy. It's meant to be 5 and under but not really enforced unless someone complains to staff, at which point the parent surfaces and makes a huffy declaration to their little darlings that the mean waitresses don't want them to have fun after all.

I usually just hang round in a corner putting the balls back in the ball pit and watching them unless one of them comes to show me something or whatever. I've also ended up being adopted by other people's chatty toddlers for a while. Grin

Original poster
Dobearsshitinwoods · 29/07/2017 21:32

Yes unfortunately she did say just that, I had to turn around and walk away, don't think she knows I over heard. It hurt to hear her criticise my parenting choices.
Ds is my first and he will be an only child so I do worry about some of the decision I make, am I right or am I screwing everything up? I need more confidence in myself I guess.

OP posts:
kel1234 · 29/07/2017 21:35

Our little boy is nearly 2. We still go in and play. We enjoy playing with him and seeing him happy and laughing and smiling.
I can't stand parents who sit at the tables on their phones the whole time they are there while the children play. Screams can't be bothered to me.

ApproachingATunnel · 29/07/2017 21:39

Whether you go and supervise/play or sit and let them get on with it is up to you. The issue here is your so called friend who went on to judge you loudly to others in public. It doesnt sound like she likes you tbh. Is she usually a bit of a cow towards you? She was being unreasonable, your decision to play was perfectly fine.

CadnoDrwg · 29/07/2017 21:40

It's only recently that I will sit at a table waiting to be summoned by my overconfident 4 year old...even then I make sure she's pretty much in my line of sight 90% of the time just in case.

There's no harm in actively supervising in soft play...especially as there are feckless parents who let their kids run riot in sections that are designed for younger ones.

Keep doing what feels right and you can't go far wrong...if that includes cutting down on time with this 'friend', that wouldn't be terrible from the sounds of it.

Hygge · 29/07/2017 21:41

I'm not sure a friend would mock you, so maybe the decision you need to question is whether you want to reconsider your friendship with her.

I'm not suggesting end it completely, but if she's prepared to mock you to two other mothers and they are prepared to listen to her / join in, then they sound like hard work and not people I'd want to spend much time with.

Real friends wouldn't mock you for doing things differently to them. I think what you're doing is fine.

Anon8604 · 29/07/2017 21:42

I would definitely supervise a 15 month old at soft play. And it's pretty mean for your friend to speak about you like that IMO.

RainyDayBear · 29/07/2017 21:42

I follow my 18 month old everywhere. Some of the NCT mums I meet up with don't and then they have to run as their child has suddenly darted off into the area where larger kids are charging around or through the area where people are carrying hot drinks. Plus I like playing with DD!

ChasedByBees · 29/07/2017 21:42

Whether you were right or wrong (and I think you were right), she was bloody rude to comment.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 29/07/2017 21:45

I supervised up til mine were old enough to come and tell me if something was wrong, so about 3/4 years old.

Sparrowlegs248 · 29/07/2017 21:47

Ds1 was incredibly prone to falling over at that age, literally launching himself off things. Yes it's soft play but he's there to enjoy it, so I would also have gone in with him. He's 2 now and seems to have grown out of his clumsiness. I often got the overprotective comments, from parents whose toddlers didnt fall over and injure themselves at the drop of a hat.