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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Soft play etiquette

61 replies

Dobearsshitinwoods · 29/07/2017 21:15

I have a 15 month ds, friends has 2 year old and 5 year old. We went to a soft play with 2 other mums. I over heard friend mock my decision so I'm wondering if I am in the wrong.

At the soft play there is a section for under 3's my ds and friends ds were the only dc out of our group under 3 so the other dc played in the older section whilst my ds and friends ds played in the younger section. I went in with my ds to keep an eye on him and to play with him, thought friend would join me because her younger ds was with me but she didn't. As I went to join them at the table for food I over heard her mock my decision to play with ds, she said that I was mothering him to much that he needed to grow up, basically she thought I was in the wrong for going in the play area with him. Was I unreasonable?

At his age Im worried that he might stand on a younger baby or be pushed around by an older child. So I like to go in with him to make sure he's being nice and behaving, I'm not super glued to his side but I stay close enough that I can stop any bad behaviour before anyone gets hurt.
Aibu? Do I need to back off?

OP posts:

snackarella · 29/07/2017 21:47

I wish more people would parent their children instead of assuming they can sit idly chatting while their little darlings poke my kid in the eye!

Original poster

Dobearsshitinwoods · 29/07/2017 21:48

It's not the first time she's criticised my decisions, though the first time she was mocking another mother who's choices are similar to mine (cosleeping and breastfeeding past one) . I defended the mother and said everyone parents differently and she left it at that. I guess I was an idiot to not realise she'd be judging me behind my back aswell. Maybe a bit of distance between us would be good for me

OP posts:

Wait4nothing · 29/07/2017 21:50

My dd is 15 months and I go in - try not to play with her (because I go to get out of playing with her for a while) but she does need supervising (to be gentle with little ones, not climb over other children, not to snatch etc).
I'm excited for the days of sitting back with coffee but they are certainly not yet!

treaclesoda · 29/07/2017 21:52

I can't stand parents who sit at the tables on their phones the whole time they are there while the children play. Screams can't be bothered to me.

I've never been to a soft play place where parents are allowed on the equipment. You'd be asked to leave if you did that on my local ones.

Dangermouse1 · 29/07/2017 21:54

I used to go in til way beyond that age, partly because ds liked me to, partly because it was fun and partly because I was wary of bigger children who can be quite rough. I've lost count of the amount of babies / toddlers I've helped climb down equipment who were stranded / crying whose parents were probably sitting with their coffees silently judging me and frequently failed to notice. For what it's worth, ds is 4 now and supremely confident so I don't think all my 'excessive' mothering did him any harm. Learn to trust your own judgement and enjoy playing with your toddler.

user1499786242 · 29/07/2017 21:54

You need new friends babe
I still go and play with my 23 month old, mainly because he wants me to and I enjoy it....
ignore them and carry on being a great mum

Lou573 · 29/07/2017 21:59

My two year old doesn't usually leave me alone, so I wouldn't get to sit with a coffee anyway, but would choose to supervise anyway - many a time I've had to intervene with toys flying past her head or bigger kids shoving.

Greenifer · 29/07/2017 22:00

DD made me go in on occasion to help her with stuff until she was about five or six. I really think you have nothing at all to worry about at 15 months!

TinselTwins · 29/07/2017 22:25

The point of softplay is that they can have a little more freedom than in the "real world" with sharp corners and fast cars etc so I don't really see the point in taking kids to soft play if you're going to be within arms reach as if you're in a busy shopping centre or by a busy road!

Lots of posters who agree with you will assume that anyone who disagrees with you goes right to the other end of the spectrum and doesn't look out for their kids at all at soft play, that's how these threads go.

But you can supervise without actually going in and being right there beside them helping them with things they should be allowed to figure out for themselves!

IMO both ends of the spectrum are iffy parenting, the ones that totally ignore them and the onces that won't let them out of arms reach even in a safe contained environment.

LilQueenie · 29/07/2017 22:25

I had the opposite OP I was in the group and the one who didn't go in as I honestly didn't think about it but all the other mums were in playing with the kids. Then I felt odd. I do feel this friend needs to learn to keep her mouth shut if nothing nice to say. There was no need to say what she did. As I've found its the norm to go jump in the ball pit with them. And more fun I say.

riojaandcorrie · 29/07/2017 22:31

Your "friend" is feeling guilty and taking the piss out of you to make herself feel better. Sorry.

Elledouble · 29/07/2017 22:33

I'm with you. At our local one the under-3s area is always full of school-age children using the Wendy house roof as a slide.

Also my boy does tend to like to stand opening and shutting doors and gets in other children's way, so I do hover to make sure he's sharing.

CazY777 · 29/07/2017 22:36

I still go in with my 2.5 year old as she's a bit short and needs lifting up, but I do leave her for a while to get a drink etc. I really don't get why people have to publicly criticise others to make themselves feel better, just do what you think is right for your child.

Sandsnake · 29/07/2017 22:37

You went to play with your kid and your 'friend' bad mouthed you because she thinks you showed her up. I can't imagine being in a situation where I would go behind the back of someone I'm supposed to like in order to pass judgement on them like this. Get better friends!

notomatoes · 29/07/2017 22:40

How sad for her children that she doesn't want to play with them.

Blondielongie · 29/07/2017 22:46

She probably is feeling rejected that you have a different more attentive parenting style to her and sees you doing the opposite as a negative comment about her parenting. When really, you just want to prevent injury and keep an eye. I'm with you on this!

Groupie123 · 29/07/2017 22:46

One of the local ones has banned children over three so it's designed so parents can supervise with the softplay built around tables and benches. Another softplay only allows kids from 3-5. None of the soft plays around here allow children over 8 and it's all strictly enforced. But there is ALWAYS the expectation that parents supervise their kids. If anyone is in the wrong it's OP's frenemy.

Vonklump · 29/07/2017 22:49

She thinks you need to let your 15 month old grow up!

In a year or so you will snigger at how ridiculous this is (on the part of your friend).

Three thoughts - one, if you want to supervise your baby/toddler that's fine. You know your child better than she does.

Second - this is your first child. You may be more laid back next time but this isn't next time, it's now. And next time you may be protecting your infant from toddlers, seeing as you have a toddler and are aware what the buggers are capable of.

Thirdly, there are umpteen threads here about parents like your friend who sit and have coffee whilst their child plays angelically/causes merry hell

MN is split on which is the right way, (as clearly there is only one way). Hence half the thread will agree with you and half will refer you to helicopter parenting advice.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 29/07/2017 22:55

Whatever is 'right' or 'wrong' (what a load of bs judging others parenting choices btw!) the main point here is you do not need a so-called friend who mocks you or talks about you in a negative way behind your back. Drop her. She will eat away your confidence.

TinselTwins · 29/07/2017 22:55

MN is split on which is the right way, (as clearly there is only one way). Hence half the thread will agree with you and half will refer you to helicopter parenting advice

There is a 3rd option! You can supervise without being up in their face and doing the playing/climbing for them like the PP with the 2.5 year old! A 2.5 year old should be allowed to problem solve IMO if they can't quite reach a step (find another way round/up, go get something to stand on etc)

Not supervising is not the only, or the logical, alternative to helicopter parenting. I didn't go in with mine, I was always watching though & knew exacltly where they were and positioned myself so I could see what they were doing. Also avoided soft plays where you can't see most of the frame from the tables.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 29/07/2017 22:56

Fwiw - I always went in with dd. Still do if I get a chance if hardly any other kids because I find soft play so much fun with her. She's 4.

ClinkyMonkey · 29/07/2017 22:59

I always went into the toddler area with my DC when they were that age. Children don't tend to socialise much at 15 months, so if they are not the type to be happy playing alone, they'll want their mum or dad to play with them. There's a 4 year gap between my two, so they were effectively alone in those situations and would have hovered around my table rather than play, had I not accompanied them.

Cakeorchocolate · 29/07/2017 23:00

Haven't rtft.
NU imo but then lots would probably consider I am. MY dd is 28mths and likes me or dh playing with her. She goes to nursery and is used to playing with other children but still drags me or dh around. It amazes me the amount of parents who don't supervise their children. I don't mean hold hands and be by their side but not even keep an eye on them.

I remember a kid being awful once and pushing and pulling my dd and others, but each time i looked hoping the parent would intervene I couldn't even get a hint for who they might be.

Yesterday I took my dd to a children friendly cafe, with a small play area (just toys not soft play) less than 30 seconds after arriving and dd playing another slightly older child grabbed a handful of her hair and tugged and would not let go. Fortunately I was nearby and managed to get their hand off as the mum was nowhere near and no help when she did arrive. She didn't even apologise! I would be horrified if that was my dd that had done that. That's the sort of behaviour why I supervise!

So YADNBU.

Sleepyblueocean · 29/07/2017 23:02

I went on with my son until he was too tall for soft play. He would still need me with him if he went now. You should do what you think is best for your child.

PodgeBod · 29/07/2017 23:04

My daughter wasn't even walking at 15months. I mostly still play with her now at 2 1/2. And yes, I get right into the equipment and down slides! It's fun.

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