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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH has BO

74 replies

limon · 29/07/2017 17:01

How would you broach this nicely?

He seems oblivious and takes umbridge when I say he needs a shower after exercise.

Hes quite punjent and often smells by the emd of the day

OP posts:

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 29/07/2017 21:00

I do think if it's an ongoing problem, then there's probably a nice way to go about it, but I imagine it would be hard to find the right words.

Welshmaenad · 29/07/2017 21:03

This is one of the many reasons I left my ExH. No matter how delicately/firmly I directed him to better hygiene practices he wouldn't stick to it. It got so I couldn't sleep facing him in bed because I felt sick. It just demonstrated such a lack of respect for me that along with other issues I couldn't continue.

Sorry I don't gave much constructive advice, I tried everything to no avail. But I know how you feel.

ButchyRestingFace · 29/07/2017 21:11

He just doeant ever appear to have learned about bodily hygeine.

Was this an arranged marriage?

Girty999 · 29/07/2017 21:16

No need for subtle, tell him he smells, if he gets offended it's his fault, he offends your nostrils x

gingerbreadmam · 29/07/2017 21:18

do you buy his sprays? i've heard mitchem is good. i would just tell him. its only bo. id rather know and do something about it than go around stinking.

gamerchick · 29/07/2017 21:23

Why are so many of you 'sending' men for a shower. He's an adult who's tired after working or working out, let him rest! If anyone told me to go for a shower when I'd just got in from work or the gym I wouldn't be happy. Whether I needed to or not

Would you knowingly sit in a room knowing you stink when other people are there? I wouldn't do that because I'm not a selfish git.

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 29/07/2017 21:33

I wouldn't because I don't have BO. But I do know that if a woman came on Mumsnet saying that she came home from work exhausted and sat down for a rest and her husband sent her for a shower, people would say he was being controlling.

It's a bit off topic though because this is obviously a long term issue, which makes me wonder why she married him.

gamerchick · 29/07/2017 21:37

If she stunk and was sent for a shower I doubt anyone would call him controlling.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/07/2017 21:38

What and being selfish and making people feel uncomfortable with repulsive behaviour isn't?

milliemolliemou · 29/07/2017 21:42

Limon - can you get his friends to tell him?

Or just say you can't bear it or that you're worried he has a medical problem because he stinks? Where does he work/socialise/play sport?

@Knobbly as a woman I would be glad if my OH told me I had a problem. And if it meant me getting off the sofa tired after a bike ride or run I'd oblige. And actually it would do my muscles some good to have a good shower.

Original poster

limon · 29/07/2017 22:14

I absolutely noticed this before I married him. He showers daily but isnt a fan of deoderant. Its pissing me off that i have to tell him he smells. At all. Surely a grown man can learn to botice when hs smells.

OP posts:

acornsandnuts · 29/07/2017 23:13

Nope. Just can't get my head around knowing my prospective husband smelt. Then turning up on the day. Just no. Yuk. No.

Ok. So, stop using deodorant, stop bathing, brushing your teeth, washing, shaving (if your that way inclined) go for a run and lift your pits proudly in his face while he's watching GOT.

Fruitcocktail6 · 30/07/2017 00:04

He's an adult who's tired after working or working out,

Aw that poor little baby!

For fuck sake. Most days I manage to go to work and then straight to the gym, and I come home and shower then carry on with my evening. It really isn't hard.

And DP and I wouldn't hesitate to tell each other if we stank.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/07/2017 00:10

How can you bring yourself to sleep with someone who smells?
Why doesn't he use deodorant?

sunshineandrainbowsparkles · 30/07/2017 00:26

Why did you marry him? Has he always been a bit whiffy? If so, for better for worse I'm afraid. You're contractually bound for life.
I'd look into removing my sense of smell if I were you. Or removing my person.

Confused009 · 30/07/2017 07:26

Used to date someone who I worked out would take baths once a week sometimes longer and never showered. He never used deodorant because of the ethical views being vegan. He would do a daily wash which consisted of him washing his face and I think penis! He also didn't like to change clothes and did not own any aftershave.

I found him repulsive and in the end just could not bring my self to be intimate which he then blamed me for being lazy!

Confused009 · 30/07/2017 07:27

He also used to continuously fart

KimmySchmidt1 · 30/07/2017 07:31

Jesus Christ that's appalling. He needs to start wearing deodorant immediately. Everyone hates men with BO - it is literally offensive to other people, especially women.

WTF is wrong with him? Why are you trying to approach it nicely?

I would hit th roof if my husband routinely stank and refused to not behave like a bloody animal.

It is a funds,entail mark of civilisation to wear deodorant - people will think he is some sort of pig if they smell him (which they will).

Seriously peop,e at large are waaaay more judgemental than you about men who are too primitive to wear deodorant.

I would just tell my husband he stank and it was disgracing me and himself to walk around in public like that.

steff13 · 30/07/2017 07:36

If he was like this when you married, it feels like a bit of a caveat emptor situation.

It's gross and I wouldn't put up with it.

Fernanie · 30/07/2017 07:44

All the people going "God, I'd never marry a man who smelled!" - so all your partners were perfect and you didn't have to overlook any faults before walking down the aisle?
OP, mine has a similar problem from time to time. Mostly I'm pissed off with his parents rather than him - who doesn't instill basic hygiene in their kids?! It's harder to form new habits as an adult, and if you've spent your whole life thinking something isn't necessary then you won't necessarily suddenly believe that it is.

I just tell him "I think you need to have a shower". Sometimes he says he's "too busy" but I tell him nobody in the world is that busy! Sometimes he take a it personally and gets offended but I tell him it's not that he's exceptionally smelly; it's that he's a normal human adult and we'd all smell if we didn't shower regularly. He's gotten better over the years, just needs the occasional nudge. But it was hard going for a while haha!

steff13 · 30/07/2017 08:14

Of course we all have faults. And if you love someone, you're willing to overlook some things.

But poor personal hygiene effects your attraction to someone, or for most people it does. Not like a secret stash of Spice Girls memorabilia or something like that.

steff13 · 30/07/2017 08:17

Oh, and there's a huge gap between not bathing and perfection. I hate when people trot out what I call the, "it must be nice to be perfect," argument.

treaclesoda · 30/07/2017 08:19

There are faults I'd happily overlook and compromise on. But poor personal hygiene isn't one of them. Aside from smelling bad it also conveys a huge selfish streak and lack of consideration for others, so it's not a small issue.

Original poster

limon · 30/07/2017 08:21

fernanie thank you for such a sensible reply!

OP posts:

WizardOfToss · 30/07/2017 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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