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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 2 DCs is just fab

58 replies

LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 15:09

I often see posts about people wanting more children, especially a third, 4th and so on. We have two and I can't have any more, but you know I think 2 is great. Two hands to hold theirs, a friend to play with, two is fine to leave with relatives where any more might be a handful. I just think it's a great number.

I have had odd comments such as people asking if I might 'try for a girl' as i have two boys, Hmm and as if people think I might not be happy with boys which is a shame as well. i even had one friend tell me she loves 'having her girls' as they can do things like go to cafes together and have their hair cut! Boys can enjoy cafes too, and my eldest liked going to the spa outdoor with me this summer.

But anyway this isn't really about that, more that 2 is a great number, and wanted to know if others felt the same or do most want to keep going!

OP posts:
Holidayhooray · 29/07/2017 16:48

Chill out lost.

Spirited was being sarcastic to the OP but I was baffled why the heck she'd come on this clearly names thread and then accuse the OP of rubbing her nose on it.

MissAlabamaWhitman · 29/07/2017 17:01

Au contraire lovelybath

It's fine from an eco standpoint that I have five children actually.
I'm an only child, my Dad is dead, my mum is in ill health at sixty one and I'll be amazed and so very pleased if she makes it to seventy.
I have no grandparents, all dead, I have no nieces and nephews.

So I personally feel wholly entitled to have my five children by any measure as otherwise my family would be extremely thin on the ground.

And why should I just accept that when I'm in my early thirties?

Plenty of people my age still have both parents, their siblings, nieces and nephews and possibly a grandparent or two using up the country's resources.

It is myopic to presume that everybody's circumstances are similar and we should therefore all limit our offspring to two.

Iggi999 · 29/07/2017 17:09

My sense is that two is what most people "expect" you to have.
Have none and people assume you are having problems or are (heaven forbid) a career woman.
Have three and you were probably trying for a boy/girl.
Have four or more and you are an earth mother/profligate/very rich or very poor.
I think people mostly leave you alone if you have two, though more so if you've managed the "perfect" (not my view!) family of one boy one girl.

KrayKray00 · 29/07/2017 17:12

I think some people have an ideal number in their head. I k ow a girl my age (mid twenties) with 5 children and I think she must be mad but she is happy and a good mum. I know girls my age who don't want any.

I am the same as you I have two boys and I am a girly girl and I am sick to my back teeth of people asking me if I want a girl. I did want three children but after my two boys I don't want anymore even though OH would like one more. I might change my mind but would like to focus on a career now as I had mine quite young.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 17:18

It's fine from an eco standpoint that I have five children actually.

I didn't say that, though Confused I'm sure there is loads to make it more eco friendly, washable nappies perhaps. I think it was someone else said that.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 17:19

Especially, as you mention, you have lost others. Sad

OP posts:
soundsystem · 29/07/2017 17:24

Two is fine if that's what you want. As is more, or none or one.

Agree that people "expect" you to have two. After my first, people kept asking when we'd have another. After DC2 it just doesn't happen. Especially as I have one of each.

I would like a 3rd, but we'll see. Won't have any more than 3 (unless number 3 turned out to be twins!) as I'm just not sure I could give them all the attention they would need. Not that's it's not possible - I know people with more than 3 who do - but I feel like more than that wouldn't be manageable for me personally.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/07/2017 17:25

As long as the children are loved and cared for, have as many as you would like/can have.

When it comes to children, people feel they have the right to ask all sorts of insensitive or personal questions or say inappropriate things. I'm asked frequently when we are having another one but we aren't in a position to at the minute and it breaks my heart. When I say we aren't at the minute, people feel the need to guilt me about DD not having a sibling similar in age. Takes all of my effort not to tell them to fuck off!

MissAlabamaWhitman · 29/07/2017 17:26

Apologies LovelyBath

I see that it wasn't you who made that particular point. Flowers

I'm just find that whole blanket statement of eco responsibility so tedious is all.

sjd84 · 29/07/2017 17:27

I have one, often think of having another, but I suffered from awful PND with DS and wouldn't want him to see me like that again. But I do get people asking if I worry he'll be lonely, that I being selfish only having one, etc!

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 17:55

If you think of it, people do seem to comment whatever. With me it is the two boys thing, the feeling I need a girl Hmm business. Maybe whatever we do, people comment. Maybe it's just part of being a mother, never feel can do anything right for some people.

Not having enough- worries. Having too many - worries. Having the same sex- worries. Confused

Maybe the only perfect magazine type family is one of each. would be sad to all be the same though. But then DH and I both had no same sex siblings and feel we miss that!

OP posts:
Lostwithinthehills · 29/07/2017 18:00

Holiday in what way is saying
"I feel a bit sad.", being sarcastic?

I guess you think
" thanks for rubbing it in", is sarcasm, while a see it as a small expression of distress.

Yes, the title is clear the op feels having two children is fabulous, which can be extrapolated to imply that having any other number of children is not fabulous. I assume the op expected a variety of answers because a hundred people replying in agreement would be beyond dull.

People who only have one child may be suffering the consequences of cancer or other serious illness, may have suffered multiple miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies, may have been so seriously injured following a difficult birth or sexual assault they can't carry another baby, or be so damaged by an abusive relationship they could never contemplate being intimate with a man again. Telling them to "own it" is rude.

GreenTulips · 29/07/2017 18:03

The world is set up for 2.4 though - look at food - advertising - holiday rentals - day trips family tickets - cinema and theatre tickets even plane tickets!!

It has to have some effect of 2 being the perfect number!

We recently complained that the local attraction family ticket only catered for 4 - and the now have family tickets for 5 and 6 family members

NooNooHead · 29/07/2017 18:03

I agree it is rude, I had an ectopic and the baby would have been a much wanted and loved DC2. I'm supposed to just 'own' having an ectopic am I..? Confused

SpiritedLondon · 29/07/2017 18:15

Lost Thanks for coming to my defence there. I wasn't being sarcastic to the OP (although I'm more than capable of it). I just found the post a bit weird, a bit " look how right I got it" which implies other families are not quite as perfect somehow. I'm not even sure what response was expected in an AIBU " well done you"? It does tap into a guilt I have about only having 1 - and that's mine to own but I wouldn't dream of posting about my marvellous middle class life and then say " only renting? Suck it up the world doesn't owe you a detached house". I'm glad the OPs happy though... having regrets sucks.

SleepyHeadThisTime · 29/07/2017 18:21

I've also got 2 boys and they are just perfect - neither me nor dh want any more or any less. I've also had the 'but don't you want a girl' comments, as though gender trumps not wanting another child Hmm

theundecided · 29/07/2017 18:24

I've got a girl and a boy 2.5 years apart. I would like a third but for medical reasons I can't. People love to tell me I don't need a third anyway, because I've got a boy and a girl. I am extremely grateful for what I have but there is no perfect 1 dc, 10 dc all lovely

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 18:43

I guess I am lucky to have the ones I've got - since then would be very dangerous to have another due to several life saving ops since then so thank my lucky starts I had them when I did. maybe I was a bit thoughtlesss in my OP but didn't mean it.

In retrospect I think I should have said to be happy with what we have Flowers

OP posts:
Whatsername17 · 29/07/2017 18:49

Op I think you are being treated a little harshly here. I read your post as other people expect you to go for a 3rd because you have two boys, but you are happy with two. I'm in exactly the same position except I have two girls. People seem to think I am disadvantaged my husband by not trying for a boy. He would have loved a boy, as would I. But, we are happy with two, and that is OK.

Whatsername17 · 29/07/2017 18:49

I have ^not I am

donajimena · 29/07/2017 18:49

Perhaps the thread should have been called if you have two children step this way?
I agree. FOR ME two is fab. My friend is perfectly happy with her one. While another likes very much her brood of five. My other poor friend has none due to early menopause.
I know you didn't set out to upset anyone ir turn it into a pissing contest

donajimena · 29/07/2017 18:50

*or

VladmirsPoutine · 29/07/2017 18:52

NicolasFlamel Will you also be appearing on threads about how curly hair is the best type of hair (or whatever else for that matter) berating the OP for not considering those who can't grow hair (or attain whatever the subject matter is)?

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 20:47

Ah, it's Ok. In retrospect, going on about having 2 being fab is understandably not easy for those who can't...many people with the surgeries I've had can't have any, so I'm lucky I had them pretty young as it wound't be an option now.

I wonder why people feel it is Ok to make these comments about numbers of children etc. they wouldn't; do it about other things in life would they. Confused.

OP posts:
Grilledaubergines · 29/07/2017 20:50

*1 is fab.

2 are fab.

3 are fab.

4 are fab.

5 are fab.

Etc etc etc.

None are fab if that's what you want.

Don't really see the point of your post tbh*

^
This

And quite a childish take, really. No pun.