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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel a bit like a charity case?

47 replies

Kellyjohnson23 · 29/07/2017 12:36

I got my keys for my new house yesterday (I started a thread you might of read it or gave me advice) anyway it all needs decorating and new carpets etc.
I have a young daughter and only work 16 hours per week due to childcare etc.
Anyway yesterday I was overwhelmed and feeling a bit sorry for myself that I had nobody to turn too.
My aunt lives in Sydney and rang me and we chatted and I was getting a bit weepy.
My mum died when I was 14 so I think my aunt feels like she needs to look after me.
This morning she had emailed saying she has put £700 in my bank account.
I was overwhelmed and was so incredibly grateful but it makes me feel like a charity case and a bit of a failure.
What would you do..keep the money and use it on flooring and probably enough for new blinds or thank her (which I'm so thankful for ) and transfer it back to her.

OP posts:
brasty · 29/07/2017 12:38

Keep the money and use it on flooring. This is exactly the kind of thing a loving mother would do, and as you said she tries to look after you now that your mother is not around. This does not make you a charity case. It is exactly what my mother would do if she had the money.

murasaki · 29/07/2017 12:39

Thank her, and make your home nice. It is clearly what she wants you to do.

Needsomeflapjacks · 29/07/2017 12:40

How is it a failure to confide in a loved one?
She wants to put a smile back on your face by taking a worry away. .
Not charity at all.

It's called love. .

RelaxMax · 29/07/2017 12:40

First off, check (politely!) if it's intended as a loan or a gift.

If it's meant to be a loan, check whether you can afford to repay it on the timescale she needs and - if not - return it with thanks explaining that you wouldn't be able to repay.

If it's intended as a gift then keep it, use it to look after yourself and your daughter and don't feel bad about it. My parents give me loads of practical help - it's what most families do, and sounds like your aunt is close to you and wants to help.

Runninglikeamummy · 29/07/2017 12:41

Not charity at all!!!!! Accept it with grace and love!

ijustwannadance · 29/07/2017 12:41

Keep the money. Make the house nice. Take your DD out for tea as a treat.
Sometimes we all need a helping hand. She is family that can't be there to help in person.

You've clearly had an emotional few days. It will get better. Flowers

Spudlet · 29/07/2017 12:42

That's what families should do - support each other. No doubt your aunt was given help when she needed it and one day, you'll pay it forward yourself. Smile

Original poster
Kellyjohnson23 · 29/07/2017 12:42

Her email said "I've put £700 in your account for your house,make it lovely,don't worry about anything"
I got a bit tearful because I hand on heart was worrying how I was going to do it.
I'm sure il be able to find remnants now for a decent price ..I've been quoted £50 per room for fitting.

OP posts:
Runninglikeamummy · 29/07/2017 12:43

You're v fortunate to have such a loving auntie. I bet she feels great having sent it.

Moanyoldcow · 29/07/2017 12:46

Of course you should keep it. She cares about you and wants to help how she can.

You help family if you can. I suspect if she was closer she'd be helping by cleaning and assisting with the move. This is how she can help from so far away.

Send her a nice thank you card letting her know what you will do with the money.

NC4now · 29/07/2017 12:47

She sounds like a lovely aunt who can afford to help you out in difficult times. She did it because she loves you and wants to help.
Accept her gift and make your home lovely. It'll make you both happy.

ImperialBlether · 29/07/2017 12:48

Kelly, she loved your mum and she loves you. She's doing what she'd hope your mum would do for her children if the situation was reversed. Accept it in the spirit in which it was given.

I'm so sorry you lost your mum. That must have been very tough for you.

Regarding your home, MNetters are brilliant at getting a bargain - put that £700 and ask for ways to spend it!

PaperdollCartoon · 29/07/2017 12:49

She sounds lovely, keep it and enjoy it.

Haint · 29/07/2017 12:52

If you were in a position to help someone you loved you would wouldn't you?

Send her a photo when it's done and looking lovely with a big thank you

LondonNicki · 29/07/2017 12:53

I would do the same in a heartbeat for my niece and it would make me so happy so know that she wants you to enjoy it and make your home nice. You deserve it - most people get help from family, perhaps you're just not used to it..

MrsOverTheRoad · 29/07/2017 12:54

She's your family. That's not charity...it's love.

Don't think about it but enjoy it!

Original poster
Kellyjohnson23 · 29/07/2017 12:54

She always has been the same.
She paid for me to go visit her in Australia 4 years ago and stayed for 3 weeks.
She took me to all the lovely places.
She sends me Christmas /birthday money.
Clothes (which are sometimes questionable ha ha ) but I still wear them as she bought them with a kind heart.
I wish I could do more for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kellyjohnson23 · 29/07/2017 12:54

I know it's not much but last time she was over I took her out for a meal and bought her some wine.
I wish I could buy her some lovely perfume or ear rings or something.

OP posts:
Runninglikeamummy · 29/07/2017 12:55

Being happy and having a lovely home will be doing what she wants.

I've come over a bit emotional!

LivingInMidnight · 29/07/2017 12:59

Me too running! I feel slightly ridiculous..

What a lovely gesture though.

Original poster
Kellyjohnson23 · 29/07/2017 13:00

Every time I read the email I cry,all last I was dreaming about decorating etc,I feel a bit calmer now.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 29/07/2017 13:02

If you want to do something for her how about sending her some flowers? You could do international through interflora.

PotteringAlong · 29/07/2017 13:03

I found this on a quick google

Original poster
Kellyjohnson23 · 29/07/2017 13:03

That's a great idea Thankyou

OP posts:
Brightonmum1 · 29/07/2017 13:21

She obviously loves you very much... accept it graciously and spend it wisely x