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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel a bit like a charity case?

47 replies

Kellyjohnson23 · 29/07/2017 12:36

I got my keys for my new house yesterday (I started a thread you might of read it or gave me advice) anyway it all needs decorating and new carpets etc.
I have a young daughter and only work 16 hours per week due to childcare etc.
Anyway yesterday I was overwhelmed and feeling a bit sorry for myself that I had nobody to turn too.
My aunt lives in Sydney and rang me and we chatted and I was getting a bit weepy.
My mum died when I was 14 so I think my aunt feels like she needs to look after me.
This morning she had emailed saying she has put £700 in my bank account.
I was overwhelmed and was so incredibly grateful but it makes me feel like a charity case and a bit of a failure.
What would you do..keep the money and use it on flooring and probably enough for new blinds or thank her (which I'm so thankful for ) and transfer it back to her.

OP posts:
Kokapetl · 29/07/2017 13:22

No, this is what family is for. My Mum gave each of her (several) nieces and nephews £1000 when they bought their first homes.

gruuumbleweec · 29/07/2017 13:24

As someone who has been very poor and now comfortable financially, I get a real kick out of helping anyone I can. When I was younger DM and MiL both had money but never did a blind thing for us. Quite happy to criticse the emptiness of our cupboards and fridge, my clothes and the fact that I was 'as thin as a rake'. I would send a photo once you have decorated with a thank you telling her how much it meant to you. I don't think I would want you to buy me a gift in these circumstances.

KoalaDownUnder · 29/07/2017 13:29

I have one niece and no daughters. I love my niece to bits.

I would want to do this for her, and it would give me pleasure. The best thanks I can think of would be a handwritten card (only).

OddestSock · 29/07/2017 13:37

What a lovely thing for her to do :)
She will get happiness knowing you've been able to make your house a home xx

Pengggwn · 29/07/2017 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LivingInMidnight · 29/07/2017 13:52

Yes I agree, don't spend money on a gift. A card would be lovely.

Summerswallow · 29/07/2017 13:54

If you are very hard up, and she's given you the money to spend on flooring/making your home nice for you and your dd, don't waste £££ sending her flowers back again. Then it's just a exchange and not a proper gift! Send her a lovely thank you card, even just a written letter (price of a stamp) saying how much it means to you that she's in your corner. She's given generously, you don't then need to effectively waste a portion of the money on thank yous- your gratitude and using the money wisely will be enough for her.

ImperialBlether · 29/07/2017 13:59

I agree with Summerswallow. A lovely card to thank her will be enough.

FadedRed · 29/07/2017 14:05

Bloody hell, Op, I've got some grit in my eye 😢
Absolutely do what pp's said.
She loves you, like she loved your Mum, and this is a lovely thing to be able to do for you.
Don't spend it on sending anything back to her, except a nice letter or card. Send frequent before and after photos, maybe spend a small amount on a nice photo and frame of your Aunt to put up in your house.
Don't feel like a charity case, you are not one. When my DC went to Uni, got first car, got house, got married, we and Grandma and aunt all gave money/stuff to help. It's what good families do (if they are able to).

Rossigigi · 29/07/2017 14:10

What a lovely thing to do. I would use it as she wants you to use it for you and your daughter to have a lovely home

ShotsFired · 29/07/2017 14:11

I think you should Skype/FaceTime her and take her on a video walk through of your newly decorated place so she can see what you did with her kind gift!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 29/07/2017 14:22

Your aunt is doing a lovely thing (which I agree is usual in most families which have enough money to pass some down the generations), and you shouldn't feel bad about it at all.

As previous posters have said, don't send flowers etc but do send a card and once you get the flooring done send her before and after photos showing what her gift has made possible. That will be the most rewarding thing she could get!

Mysteriouscurle · 29/07/2017 15:10

What a lovely aunt. Just looking out for you now that your mum isn't around to. What a star. Agree about just sending back a lovely handwritten card. And photos of your lovely house when its all done

MrTrebus · 29/07/2017 15:35

OP you sound lovely and very deserving of this GIFT (NOT charity) from your equally lovely sounding Aunt. Make your house beautiful and send her some photos, you deserve it.

GinAndToast · 29/07/2017 15:41

This is lovely. You sound lovely and your aunt sounds lovely Flowers

Please post a photo of your floors and blinds.

Birdsgottaf1y · 29/07/2017 15:49

A young female relative that we didn't know existed, was discovered to be living in a Hostel, after her Foster placement broke down.

I took her to live with me whilst her Leaving Care SW could sort out better accomodation. I bought lots for her unborn baby and helped to set her up in her new flat, so did my Adult DD's. I bought her a weekly bus pass for months, until she was better off financially.

I never saw her as a charity case, it's what family should do, for each other, if they can.

Make her a nice card with your DD and take the money in the spirit it was given, out of love for you all.

fudgesmummy · 29/07/2017 15:59

What a lovely thing for your aunt to do. I would do the same in a heart beat for any of my (numerous!) nieces, nephews or godchildren if I was too far away to do anything practical to help. I think a lovely thank you card with photos of what you are planing to do/have already done with the money would all I would want in return

LuxuryWoman2017 · 29/07/2017 16:33

What a wonderful thing! Enjoy it and make your new home lovely, send her pictures when it's done - she'll be thrilled to have helped.

WiganPierre · 29/07/2017 17:23

I love this thread! Your Aunt loved your Mum and she loved you, the best thanks you can give her is to use the money to decorate the house and send her a lovely, long handwritten letter thanking her. And some photos once it is all done. She is probably so pleased to have been able to help you.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 30/07/2017 22:32

This is love! If you could afford to help a relative I'm sure you would and that's exactly what she is doing for you.

Embrace it and make your home a beautiful and happy one for you and your child. Send flowers and a thank you card and pictures of the house once decorated. She'll love seeing how happy she has helped you feel (and I'm nosey so I'd want to see the end result lol).

You and your daughter are very lucky to have such a wonderful aunt.

I'm awfully sorry about your mum. You sound lovely though and she done an amazing job in the short time she had.

peachgreen · 31/07/2017 13:49

You're the OP who spent £400 on your hair extensions, yes? So you're certainly not a charity case as you assured us all you could easily afford to do the house yourself.

YABU if you complained about money to your aunt, but it sounds like you just talked about wanting more support (your partner works away, I believe?) and she gifted you some money as a way of helping you feel better. So long as you know that she can afford it - and she understands that you don't NEED it - then YANBU. It's a gift. Enjoy it and your new home.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 31/07/2017 14:30

Oh, so the op doesn't need the money?

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