To think children suffering from anxiety is growing?

[MrsOverTheRoad]

I suspect some of the growth that I see is that we all understand a lot more about MH issues and there's not as much stigma as there used to be.

So kids who would once have been called naughty are now understood more.

But it really bothers me that I read so many posts on here and other forums about anxiety in children. :(

My DD is 13 and two of her mates suffer from it...one quite badly.

I often read about it on here too. Has it always been so rife? Is it just that we talk about it now?

Anyone?

I think mh issues in the whole population are increasing and that child/ youth mh is part of it. I also think the reasons are very complex. My perception is that people do t have the resilience they had but not sure why that should be the. See with so much focus on self-esteem- maybe that has backfired. It's a concern for sure.

That said, I think there's over diagnosis so if a kid is a bit nervous about something they've 'got anxiety'

A lot of the teenagers I work with Google things and then come to us saying they have self diagnosed "Social Anxiety".

Sometimes it is genuine, sometimes it's to fit in and appear a bit more interesting and sometimes it's low self esteem.

I agree we need to build resilience in young people otherwise we are going to have a nation of people unable to cope with life.

I also think people are quick to say they 'have anxiety' when they are nervous or worried, a bit like people are 'a bit ocd'.
Of course anxiety is a mh disorder that needs treatment but there's lots of over diagnosing going on too.

I wonder if the problem with a diagnosis of anxiety (and hence the issue of under / over diagnosis) is that it feels quite nebulous to me. So for ASD, ADHD etc there is a list of criteria and you have to display a certain number of them in order to be diagnosed- but is it the same for anxiety? Can anyone tell me?

I think it's more to do with the changes in society than a lack of resilience.

Changes like the immense amount of media around us, and social media. An increasingly specialised economy, with resulting pressure on high educational attainment. More people moving for work and away from extended family support structures. More emphasis on self reliances and less on helping ones neighbour. Fewer SAHM parents alongwise a distinct lack of investment in high quality childcare.
Not all of these things are bad. Some of them are great. But many of them influence our society in a way that increases social anxiety, IMO.

I agree social media has a lot to answer for esp low self esteem in young people and the "perfect" images they follow on instagram.

Just off the phone with a friend - her son age 17 very anxious and telling her he is having several episodes of feeling he can't breathe/cope etc. My dd the same age also has MH issues as do a lot of her friends tbh. These aren't self-diagnosed for a bit of attention but actual diagnosed by doctors/treatment etc. We were just saying that they seem to lack the resilience we had as kids/teens but maybe it is because the world is harder/more competitive.

I think that as parents we are 'killing them with kindness'. We put up a little protective bubble around them from the minute they are born and never let anything unpleasant enter that bubble. They are never 'naughty' just have 'behavioural issues'. If a school/teacher dares to tell them off for not wearing the correct uniform etc, their tiger mom will match right up to that school and tell the teacher that the child's human rights are being affected and they are inhibiting the child's individuality.
Children never have to cope with anything because their parents deal with everything for them.
We're trying to protect our children and it's done with absolutely the best intentions. But it means that the children, in general, lack the ability to deal with any issues they may come across. This obviously scares them, thus the anxiety.
Obviously, I'm not a medical/psychological expert, these are just my thoughts. I'm sure there will be others who will come along and point out where I'm wrong.

I think there is an increase generally, and I think it's due to lots of factors. There are more pressures on young people and they are perpetually zoned into social media etc.

But I do also think there are some who have a passing worry and think that they must therefore have some social anxiety condition. At school there are definitely a few who put it on - after all they can get some attention and nobody can say that they're making it up. But to what extent they realise they are putting it on, who knows.

I'm not sure whether it's nature or nurture, but the anxious children I know have anxious or neurotic parents - and I agree that there are more and more. Children don't learn how to deal with issues because they're often not allowed to become independent till much later. My 12-year old goddaughter is hardly allowed to go anywhere on her own or with friends. She's learning g that the world is a really scary place (and where she lives is a a middle-class oasis. The biggest risk is a nettle sting!)

My goddaughter is anxious about terrorists attacking her. That's understandable, but instead of her parents telling her it will never happen (it won't. She doesn't go into towns or cities. She's got more chance of being struck by lightening), they fanny about saying that it's unlikely, but it could happen etc etc.

I do wonder about the protective bubble too but the truth is we reared 3 children with roughly the same protective bubble and only one has mh issues. But I do know because of those issues, I probably protect her more - which may be counterproductive (we are working on this).

Like a few PPs have said, 'Anxiety' seems to be the new go-to word for some people, when what they mean is they're feeling anxious about something.

Feeling anxious is a completely normal, human reaction.

Whereas being diagnosed as suffering from anxiety, is completely different.

In my work place, a lot of the younger patients we get state that bullying/ self esteem issues were the start of their self harming/ anxiety/ depression.

People now get bullied at home through social media so there isn't really a safe place anymore. That everything is critised by others, clothes, hair, make up and that their lives aren't as perfect as other peoples.

Read 'Permission to Parent', a NY Psychiatrist wrote it as she was seeing more and more young people with crippling anxiety. REALLY simply put she said it was down to a lack of boundaries (overly nice parenting, no clear rules) and very high expectations. My ds is only 2 but I've seen this - a parent told me of their 6 week old that they want her to be very good at one sport and one instrument.

Yes, as well as the protective, parent bubble, we also have (as parents) the invasion of these perfect parents and their wonderful kids on social media. Parents then start 'encouraging' their offspring to try this sport, or take that exam early, or learn this instrument. When that child struggles where other children manage, it's bound to create anxiety in the child.
It's honestly a fascinating and worrying subject. As a parent it's just so hard to be sure you're doing the right thing.

The problem with anxiety is that it often lives side by side with other neurological conditions.
DS has ADHD and TS. However, long before he was diagnosed at 7yrs, I'd always noticed he was a lot more anxious than ds1. He would ask the same question about something inconsequential over again. But we just thought he was a little quirky. As he grew older it became worries about more things, then it became about health. At this point I knew nothing about it being a comorbidity.

It wasn't until we were referred to CAMHS for other problems and I was asked to describe him and I casually mentioned his anxiousness, that it was all explained. So I wasn't imagining it all along. The anxiety co exists with of the two aforementioned.
Because neurological disorders are being recognised/diagnosed and understood more, etc its obviously now picking up the anxiety as well.

People growing up not recognising that a bit of anxiety and worry is just part and parcel of life - we all worry about stuff. Many kids seem to think they should be able to swan through life with no obstacles.

They have no resilience to deal with failure - in fact many children are not allowed to fail at anything - parents contacting school/club at every tiny implied criticism, parents not allowing their children the space to learn to deal with problems on their own. University grades are being overinflated and this means students believe themselves to be cleverer/more able than they actually are.

And as usual, the myriad of people claiming to have anxiety issues detracts from the real and very serious condition.

Sorry, missed a bit from 2nd para
University grades are being overinflated and this means students believe themselves to be cleverer/more able than they actually are, so when they enter the workplace they can't manage even very simple tasks and can't deal with being told.

I think the developmentally inappropriate (for many) school curriculum and constant exposure to social media are two huge factors in this.

I also think that in 'forward' places like London many parents have unrealistic expectations of their children and massively over-structure their lives. Tutoring for the 3+ anyone?

DS's anxieties are not imagined. I don't keep him in a bubble, but he has always been overly cautious. I have to push him hard to try new things. I was very similar, but due to being scared of my own parents I just went along with anything they wanted me to. Hating every minute of it. I don't remember much from my childhood, as I only wanted to be older so I could finally do what I wanted to do and not have to go to school, which I hated, although did well. At least, unlike me, DS is able to talk openly about his fears and "feeling like an idiot whom everyone hates" after set backs. I try to be supportive while upholding boundaries. Without these firm boundaries he will often have refused to go school. XDH had to carry him kicking and screaming, up until age 6. Luckily he's not very big. It's a struggle, but it's nothing new. I felt the same, but had no choice but to "soldier on" and hole up in my bedroom waiting to grow up. It's sad. Perhaps people like me and my similarly anxious xDH simply shouldn't have children. DS is on the radar for possible high functioning ASD, but can't tell while he is still so young.

Imagine my little niece. She has real issues with friends at school, as I did. There is bullying, as there was in my case. She feels stressed and upset by it, as I was.

She has a smart phone and access to social media. If she doesn't engage, she's not in the loop, has the piss taken and is made to feel horrible. If she is in the loop, the bullying goes on round the clock, on weekends on holidays. She has no respite. Her mum finally took the phone away (to tears and anger) second week of their vacation.

Kids now have massively more to deal with. Poor buggers. They teach me about resilience.

2ducks. I think some school based anxiety is caused by exposure to children whose parents don't appear to have bothered to teach their DC about manners, behaviour and respect for others and their privacy be it thoughts, images or belongings!
Either that or they haven't pursued a diagnosis or help for horrendous behaviours.
I think this is most noticeable in the early years of secondary school where schools join together and mixed abilities and willingness to learn are taught in the same classes.

I agree OP, DD says many of her school friends have anxiety but I am unsure if all of these are actual diagnosed cases or just something derived from Google and teen navel gazing. It's almost become a fad like people saying they have a food intolerance when actually all they are doing is detracting from people who really have a diagnosed condition.

I agree with PPs about lack of resilience in kids today. Kids have never been so comfortable and privileged yet they are still struggling. They grow up in a protective bubble of star charts and rewards for everything - things like sitting nicely or lining up quietly, everyone is a winner, minimum effort is rewarded. Sometimes I just wanted my DDs primary teachers to say actually that work is a bit sloppy, I think you could do better. Any criticism by teachers is met with total indignation, this has gone way too far and parents need to step back as kids are suffering as a result.

Kids need to know that it's ok to fail, it's ok to make mistakes, everyone is not a winner, it's ok to disagree with friends, no one is perfect and it's ok to feel sad sometimes. To know that this is ok they need to experience it so that they develop the skills to cope with the ups and downs of life.

I don't see a bubble, I just see a massive increase in pressure from all angles. From social media, schools, parents. There is a huge amount of expectation placed on children, who are at school from younger and younger. Less time to just hang out, be bored, fill their own time and figure out who they are. Everything is tightly structured and tested, but changing all the time. Lots of parents are busy and under pressure too, it's a bit of a melting pot.