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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of always being skint!

63 replies

user1490465531 · 28/07/2017 10:14

Just this really. I know it is true for many families but as a lone parent by the time I pay bills and other outgoings I'm always living in my overdraft by the end of the month.
I work and do receive help with rent etc but it never seems enough and now with the summer holidays I find myself racking my brains trying to find cheap or free things to do but it's miserable never being able to afford a treat or go on a day out without counting the pennies.
I receive no maintenance from dd dad as he's in prison so it's me providing everything.
For example I'm desparate for a new bed but looking at the prices I know it would take ages to save and I feel sad that right now life just feels like a constant battle and I'm tired of it TBH.
AIBU to feel this way or should I just suck it up like I'm sure many have to.

OP posts:
AimeeNoOneTheSamee · 28/07/2017 11:04

YANBU
My husband and I don't earn a lot of money but are not entitled to any benefits other than CB so I know that feeling well. The only way I make it through summer holidays, birthdays and Christmas etc. is by being a control freak with money! Lol.
I have a spread-sheet for every month and know where every penny is going before its even earned. Not nice for some but it works for us.
I also start saving for summer holiday activities a few months before and I start buying for Christmas in June/July so it's spread out over a few pay cheques.
It wont be like this forever! Keep doing what your doing Flowers
Could you have a 'spa day' at home where you give each other facials and paint nails with stuff you already have at home? Just thinking o some free activities for you Smile

Original poster
user1490465531 · 28/07/2017 11:04

I work in an admin role pay is crap no further way to go would love to retrain but currently can't afford to.

OP posts:
Chestervase1 · 28/07/2017 11:05

I second checking local council website for sporting courses. Mine did some amazing ones, tennis, skiing and diving etc. It was a long time ago though but hopefully funding hasn't stopped.

RB68 · 28/07/2017 11:12

you have to look for things that bring money in without impacting on benefits - so carboot sale, selling a few things locally that you are done with or can do without, letting a bedroom occasionally (might mean need to squash into one room while visitor there).

I am in same position at the moment - self employed cash flow shit just at moment so robbing peter to pay paul etc and need to bring in more from outside so looking at sorting a room in a week to take B&B via Air BnB as a friend has had some success with that

DoveOfPiss · 28/07/2017 11:17

I'm in a similar boat OP lone parent of 4 ranging from just 15 to 8, their father did a runner a year ago so no maintenance from him and he hasn't seen them for a year. My housing benefit doesn't cover my rent, we usually go to Devon in a caravan for a week on holiday but can't even afford that this year. I've sold my car and we're living off the proceeds of that to top up the rent. I'm starting a degree course in September so at least I'll get a bit of money from student finance to cover childcare and living expenses but everything else will probably reduce because of this, so I'm not sure we'll be any better off.
I'm trying to get a qualification to get a better job to earn more and provide a decent standard of living for my kids but it's just so bloody hard. And never getting a break is possibly the hardest thing of all.
Flowers OP I feel for you xx

Ps4widow · 28/07/2017 11:19

Have a look at the gingerbread website its full of information for single parents such as training and benefit advice.

AddictedtoSnickers · 28/07/2017 11:19

I have no advice on entertaining a 9 year old I'm afraid as mine are still much younger (and cheaper and easier!) but when our bed broke and we didn't want to buy a new one we just bought a new slatted bed base from ikea for about £20. It was great and kept us going until we moved house and got a new bed frame (again from Ikea - was about £70)

chaplin1409 · 28/07/2017 11:20

I am not a single parent but do know how you feel. We have 4 children and my husband works hard but over the last few years his salary has gone down instead of up. We manage but it is the constant stress of money.

Original poster
user1490465531 · 28/07/2017 11:25

I feel cost of living has gone up so much... but thanks for all the words of support it seems there are many in a similar position.Flowers

OP posts:
Poisongirl81 · 28/07/2017 11:31

Do you have a car op

Poisongirl81 · 28/07/2017 11:31

Do you have a car op

Original poster
user1490465531 · 28/07/2017 11:32

no couldn't afford to run one. But live in London so very good public transport.

OP posts:
Judydreamsofhorses · 28/07/2017 11:34

No children here, but my partner was made redundant last year and still hasn't found work, so things are very difficult. Because I work full time, he's not entitled to any benefits, as JSA is means tested after six months - that seems nuts since he paid tax for over 20 years. We've ploughed through the savings, which I know we were very lucky to have, but it is properly crap, and I really sympathise, OP.

MaximaDeWit · 28/07/2017 11:43

*If you've turned down extra work because you lose some in benefits then it was an active choice you made. You can't complain of having little spare money when you only want to work the minimum hours for benefit purposes.

You may lose benefits for the extra hours but it should be better knowing you earned it yourself, the more hours and effort you put in the more likely promotions, rises etc will follow.*

🤣🤣🤣

NameChanger22 · 28/07/2017 11:54

There's no hope of any kind of a promotion or pay rise where I work either and I work in an office. I've been here for 15 years and nobody has ever got promoted. I earn next to nothing, get no tax credits and I have to watch every penny. I'm a graduate with loads of qualifications and 25 years work experience, which counts for nothing. It sucks.

I wish people would stop telling the OP to work more hours. Many work places are cutting back on hours right now. Many times you would be working for less money by working more once you've paid for childcare. Many times there is no hope of any kind of promotion. Some people live in a fantasy world were employers care about their employees.

Poisongirl81 · 28/07/2017 14:45

I'm up north but aren't there lots of free museums in London?

cushioncovers · 28/07/2017 14:53

I'm up north but aren't there lots of free museums in London?

Yep there are but you still need to be aware of traveling expenses and make sure you can take a packed lunch otherwise it's too expensive even if it is free when u get there.

AndNowItIsSeven · 28/07/2017 14:58

Children travel for free though . Op you are at a massive advantage living in London and with the age of your dd. Are there no websites or local booklets detailing all the free stuff you can do.

formerbabe · 28/07/2017 15:01

You may lose benefits for the extra hours but it should be better knowing you earned it yourself

Feeling better that you earned it yourself doesn't feed your kids.

BarbaraofSeville · 28/07/2017 15:05

As well as DC travelling for free, the OP is likely to have a travel card as a working Londoner, so she is quite well placed for cheap days out and taking a packed lunch most of the time really is no hardship.

Not directed to the OP, but there does seem to be a normalisation of spending a lot of money to have a day or night out to the extent that people either forget that you can do things very cheaply, don't consider free stuff a treat, or consider 'having to take a packed lunch' to be unreasonably miserly.

NameChanger22 · 28/07/2017 18:45

Living in London alongside so many people with so much money can feel like a real hardship though. I would only ever want to live in London again if I was really rich. I always felt poor when I lived there in spite of having quite a lot of disposable income and a nice home. London is very money orientated and if you don't have much you really notice it.

MrsOverTheRoad · 29/07/2017 00:40

Me too Name there's so much wealth....you look at what people are wearing or the houses they live in and feel bad about yourself.

I am very glad we left London.

Coastalcommand · 29/07/2017 00:59

You have my sympathies OP. It was just me and my mum when I was growing up and we were very poor. But as much as I didn't have expensive clothes or days out I did have loads of time with my mum and I loved that. Some of my happiest memories of childhood are doing free or cheap craft activities. I used to love customising clothes and things for my room when I was about your daughter's age. Could you do some YouTube tutorials and update some old outfits? Or do each other's hair in different styles? Paint your nails with glitter polish etc?

Tillylils · 29/07/2017 01:15

Hi op, I'm in a similar position, single with an 11 year old. Her father does pay but only the bare minimum.
Have a look on money saving expert at the boost your income threads, they're really good. Also, on the mortgage free wannabe board there's a thread called overpayment addict, the op there is a single parent trying to pay off her mortgage, and I've had loads of ideas from her.

Also, for a bit of extra cash sell things on ebay. In the past month I've made over £100 which I've put in a savings account for xmas. Most of the stuff I've sold have been my daughters old clothes and they've only sold for a few pounds but it all adds up.

Hudson10 · 29/07/2017 01:19

If you've turned down extra work because you lose some in benefits then it was an active choice you made

Not read all the replies, but go bollocks to that! I've always worked full time since having kids. Whilst they're growing up though I've stayed at home. After childcare and travel pass, and bills on top, it would have actually COST to go to work though. How does that begin to work out? When you're literally coming home with nothing after working approx 30 hours a week?!

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