To ask my friend to stop describing anyone she thinks odd/boring/different from her as 'on the spectrum'?

[Wisterical]

Today felt like the final straw when she said that she though 'half the people' in the village she's just moved to are 'on the spectrum'.

She's a very dear friend and I want to explain to her in a calm and informative way why I find her casually overusing this phrase really fucking offensive. But I'm worried I'm just going to get upset when I talk to her about it, or that she'll get defensive, so I'm wondering if it's a good idea and if anyone has dealt with this before and has advice on how best to approach it?

Background is I have an adult son with Asperger's (which is why I get bit emotional about this) and she is a child psychologist (with no specialist knowledge of autism - obviously!)

WTF; so not only odd, but also boring people get those comments?

She does know what autism looks like ... does she?

It would be annoying for anyone to explain away everyone's differences to herself by diagnosing them with autism, but for a psychologist, it is really embarrassing, and I wouldn't employ her; she doesn't seem professional.

If she knows your son has aspergers she's being spectacularly insensitive as well as ignorant. In the first instance I'd say something like 'I'm sure you don't mean to be offensive but it's quite upsetting when you describe everyone odd you encounter as likely having the same condition as my son'. If she continues after that it would be friendship over for me.

Incitatis

Genuine question and not being goady: does the word "spectrum" not denote the whole gamut from A-Z? I can see that it's an unhelpful comment but is it incorrect?

If she was talking about the spectrum as spanning from no autistic traits to severely autistic then surely she wouldn't be pointing out people she thought were 'on the spectrum' as it would be everyone.

No not everyone is on the spectrum.

Are you sure she means the Autistic Spectrum? Seems odd that as a child psychologist she has no understanding of it. Could she perhaps mean personality disorders or something instead?

The phrase "on the spectrum" is widely used among HCP's and refers to Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Personality Disorders aren't spectrum conditions, you either meet the diagnostic criteria or you don't.

I would definitely say something OP. I agree, it's offensive. Like people declaring that they are "a bit OCD".

tiger

Whilst someone who is neurotypical may possess one or two traits that are on the autistic spectrum, that doesn't mean they're experiencing autism. To meet the threshold for an autism diagnosis, a person must be experiencing significant, ongoing difficulty in three areas of their functioning - known as the triad of impairments.

To say that 'everyone is on the spectrum' totally minimises an autistic's struggles which can be severe, but hidden as they struggle to appear neurotypical.

Was grasping at straws tbh Yorks, I wasnt sure if it might have been a phrase that psychologists use to describe other conditions.

I've heard of the obsessive compulsive spectrum/fetal alcohol spectrum etc. But the phrase 'on the spectrum' is only ever used to refer to autism afaia.

YANBU. One of my sons has aspergers syndrome and I hate it when people say this.

Say something- I suspect she'll be mortified

This is one of the reasons why psychology and psychologists have such poor reputations.it isn't the first time I have heard of them diagnosing everyone and anyone flippantly.
It also is insulting to those with autism as it implies it isn't something to treat cos everyone 'has it a bit!'

That's very unprofessional of her, considering her capacity. I would absolutely pull her up on it. She shod know better.

It also implies that we're just not making enough effort and could easily overcome our difficulties if only we tried hard enough like those brave neurotypicals.

nina2b

That's incorrect. There are people who are completely neurotypical. They aren't 'on the spectrum'.

Thank you - that's helpful information.

Today I watched my 9yo dd having a SALT assessment for 2 hours. She's high functioning, has a good IQ, can be social. She also has ASD. She could not perform the simplistic of tasks (point to the yellow bird then the blue bird). Yesterday she had a change of leader for an ASD group she attends. She hid for 5 minutes and bit herself repeatedly with anxiety. ASD is not just 'badly behaved' children. Likewise, I get told dd must be 'mild'. This week I've watched her self harm twice, I find it really very traumatic and far from mild.

Both my DS have ADHD and ds2 has autism.

This would upset me and I would have to say something. Only physchiatrist can Dx autism NOT physchologists.
It's like every profession some people are well trained and good at their jobs. Frankly your friend sounds like a twat...

My older DS is 16 and what he finds most difficult things is when he opens up to friend about his ADHD, majority of them will say oh I have that too..... when they don't as he feels it minimises his condition.

Thank you everyone, I feel much better equipped to talk to her about it now and definitely will. Incitatis and Allina - your explanations of why it is so offensive are particularly helpful and I'll base what I say on what you've said.

Imip yes it is horribly dismissive when people say 'mild'. This all gets me so bloody angry and frustrated - I wish people would keep their opinions and judgements to themselves until they've bothered to get themselves well-informed!

I like this one for the 'mild autism' myth.

Unless she has personally evaluated the whole village in a professional capacity, then she is in no position to say that half of them are 'on the Spectrum'.

And if she had done this, she'd be in breach of her role as a psychologist by violating patient confidentiality by disclosing that fact to you in the first place.

She's a quack.

No, she's not a quack but she is ignorant and thoughtless about autism. Which is appalling but not surprising in my experience of HCPs. Even if she is defensive at first I think she will listen carefully to what I say and follow it up with some research of her own.

Love that Incitatis. My eldest has ASD without LD or SPD and so many people comment on the "mildness" of his autism. I know he's not as severely affected as many children but he is still an 11 year old who doesn't understand tone of voice/sarcasm, has a few acquaintances but no real friends and is obsessed with Thomas the tank engine. Oh and he doesn't do change, at all. I remember the time when DH had kidney stones and couldn't take him to an appointment. It was easier for me to take 5 children 8 and under on the bus to the hospital than to postpone the appointment.

my 'best' friend does this all the time.- she sent me a link to a channel four programme recently where you had to answer a few questions to establish if you were on the 'spectrum' or not - proudly telling me that her husband and sons scored higher than she did, hmmm! seemed to think it backed up her diagnosis of them being on the spectrum.
It's highly offensive

x2boys I am someone with a diagnosed Cluster B personality disorder. I think PDsaffect 3-4% of the population or something like that so I would be surprised if you could diagnose them all that often. Not trying to be goady, just curious as to how that works?

What I find really hard to deal with is how people rightly understand it is offensive to say "I'm a bit OCD, I like to be neat and tidy" or "That person must be ASD because they are a bit odd or aloof etc" but few have a problem with labelling the world and his wife as NPD, or calling them a narcissist for being self-centered, abusive, flakey etc. NPD is a disorder people really suffer from- it is a horrible way to feel. And it effects loved ones too.

Maybe I should start my own thread on this one- sorry OP, don't wish to derail this one but it is something I have noticed. It is as though things like OCD and ASD are protected characteristics but NPD isn't? I don't consider NPD to be any less tragic than OCD or ASD. A lot of people with PD attempt suicide.

OP, you are NBU and I find it odd that a psychologist would take this attitude. She should know that ASD, although not rare, isn't exactly all that common...