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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to continue breastfeeding one year old to sleep?

40 replies

EverythingsRosiePosy · 27/07/2017 22:21

DD is 13 months, we gradually fell into a routine of me going to her room, nursing her to sleep having a cuddle and then laying her down in her cot.

Shes generally a good sleeper and sleeps through the majority of the time, I see her (video monitor) tossing and turning a lot in the night so she can put herself back to sleep when she stirs. I really enjoy the nighttime feed, its a time just for the two of us and is a nice end to the day.

We have just had her one year review with the HV who asked about her sleep etc. and I said its all going well, she has a feed and goes to sleep etc. the HV was shocked that I still feed her to sleep and insisted I need to start giving her the evening feed in the living room then putting her in her cot awake to put herself to sleep. I sort of just assumed we would gradually drop the evening feed when she is ready but would still have the nighttime cuddle etc. I did similar with my DS although he was bottle fed so would fall asleep with the cuddles instead.

The HV was quite rude and said DD won't learn to go to sleep by herself and I wouldn't want her to still need mummy's breast to sleep aged 25 Hmm.

Am I damaging her development, does she need to 'put herself to sleep' at this age? I really am not one to try crying it out, and as a single mother at present it works well for me as I put DS to bed with a cuddle and a story, then take DD to bed, both are asleep quickly and I can clear up/relax.

OP posts:
APMom · 27/07/2017 22:25

You're doing fine. I breastfed all of mine to sleep until they weaned between the ages of 17 months and 3 years. They all managed to go asleep by themselves.

cailyaclara · 27/07/2017 22:26

HV sounds like a twat! Ignore and carry on booking! Sleepy booking is great and is exactly what your baby should naturally be doing.

cailyaclara · 27/07/2017 22:26

Sleepy boobing! Stupid autocorrect

Starlight2345 · 27/07/2017 22:27

I did it with my DS till he was about 18 months then stopped for naps did it for bedtime..Because I was so tired..

If you are a SAHM then no issue however I can say as a childminder the breastfed to sleep babies have a much harder time going to sleep here and I am sure would find nap times less upsetting if they could be at least cuddled to sleep instead offed to sleep.

That said..I am also amazed you got to 13 months without them commenting..I think it was commented on mhen my DS was a couple of months old.( which I clearly ignored)

Tootsiepops · 27/07/2017 22:27

Your HV is a dick.

Carry on.

QuiteLikely5 · 27/07/2017 22:27

Does it matter what the HV says?

Munxx · 27/07/2017 22:27

I Bf and coslept with DS until he was almost 2 and then continued to Bf him until he was 3.5. He now sleeps 12 hours a night aged 4.5 and has had no problem transitioning into his own bed and falling asleep after a story and a cuddle. We did it all in our own time. Your HV is talking utter rot, I was really lucky in that my HV was supportive. Please don't worry.

cailyaclara · 27/07/2017 22:28

Oh and report HV. She needs re-educating on breastfeeding. How dare she make comments like that about your choices.
You can decline further HV visits, btw. They're not mandatory

MarcelineTheVampire · 27/07/2017 22:28

Ignore - I had similar comments from my HV and I haven't seen one since. My DD is confident, independent and lovely - not developmentally delayed at all as the HV told me she would be.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 27/07/2017 22:28

Keep doing what works for you, that HV just had her misinformed judgey pants on. My 2.5 year old is feeding to sleep right now. Grin

Fruitcorner123 · 27/07/2017 22:28

I don't see the big deal if she is sleeping through. Both mine eventually stopped falling asleep on the breast so i would do milk, story, bed. I think this had happened by 1 so it might happen for you soon. It certainly won't be 25!!

I would say enjoy it while it lasts as long as you are happy to be there every night. Or does she settle for her dad without the milk?

The health visitor was rude so don't give her a second thought just do what's right for you and baby.

cailyaclara · 27/07/2017 22:29

Both my children have been/are breastfed to sleep and both have gone to nursery from an early age. Neither have had issues self-settling at nursery. It doesn't always affect them!

Sunshinegirl82 · 27/07/2017 22:30

Ignore the hv if you're happy with how things are. I still bf my 13 month old to sleep too (sadly he's nowhere near sleeping through but hey ho!) Hv's here (who to be fair have been really pretty great) have told me to carry on for as long as we're both happy to do so but to speak to them if I ever feel that I would like to make changes.

If it ain't broke don't fix it as they say!

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 27/07/2017 22:30

If it works, it works!

Though from personal experience, it does get tougher as they get older to break said habit. So very, very tough.

Writerwannabe83 · 27/07/2017 22:31

I stopped doing it at 9 months but that was only because DS was unable to sleep unless he was breast fed to sleep which was causing a whole host of problems.

If your little one typically sleeps through and can self settle when she stirs then there's no problem in doing what you're doing.

I suppose the only issue is that does it mean you have to do every bedtime? Are you and her dad able to go out at night for example and leave her with a family member to put her to bed or does she need that nighttime feed in order to go to sleep?

Camomila · 27/07/2017 22:35

I still bf my 15 month old to sleep, it's one of my fave things about bfeeding...the magical sleep powers! It is a bit of a pain for DH/DM to get him off to sleep though on the rare occasions I go out in the evening.

I'd complain about the HV too 'breastfed to sleep until 25...' so rude and unprofessional.

MaureenDodd · 27/07/2017 22:36

They're still rolling out that crap then? Eurgh. I still lie down with DS (4.5) as he goes to sleep, it's a lovely cuddly time after storytime. Usually he's asleep within 5 mins, occasionally he will push it and fiddle around for 15 mins, but that's rare. He's going to be reluctant to continue long before I get fed up of it.

I BF and coslept with him because it worked for us. I didn't see a single HV, passed the early baby stage, and felt a lot better for it having been guilt-tripped and misinformed with my DD 9 years earlier.

Ignore. Do as you see fit.

cailyaclara · 27/07/2017 22:36

Later on you can use stories like 'Nursies when the sun shines' to facilitate gentle weaning where the child makes the decision with you. Really good book.

Original poster
EverythingsRosiePosy · 27/07/2017 22:38

Thanks everyone. I am not usually one to follow everything the HV says but this is all new to me as I stopped breastfeeding DS at 2 months so never got to these 'issues'

Thats precisely what irritated me about the HV, I have no concerns with her sleep and we are both happy as things are, I'd understand the advice if DD was waking throughout the night etc.

She sleeps best if I BF her, whether its for a nap or bed but my DM and ex have been able to put her to sleep (naps) it just takes a little longer as she waits until she exhausted then gives in! I am a SAHM currently so don't have an issue with a childminder and she rarely needs to go to anyone else for long.

I don't mind if DD self weans in a month, or a year or even two, I just thought it would be a natural process and when that happened we would find something to replace the gap, whether its a story or a cup of milk or something else.

OP posts:
Nellysmagichat · 27/07/2017 22:38

The HV was quite rude and said DD won't learn to go to sleep by herself and I wouldn't want her to still need mummy's breast to sleep aged 25

Yes, there are literally thousands of 25 year olds around the world who still need to be breastfed to sleep. That's definitely a thing. Hmm

This is the reason why I didn't tell my HV anything about co-sleeping, breastfeeding, etc. With DC1 I just nodded and made the right noises; with DC2 I put in a 'that woman must never darken my door again' complaint as the HV I had that time was fundamentally unable to understand centiles (anything other than being bang on the 50th centile was 'wrong' and required 'correction' Grin)

I fed both of my children to sleep until they self-weaned. They are considerably younger than 25. If it works for you and you're happy, nothing needs to be changed.

PetalMettle · 27/07/2017 22:41

My 2 year old feeds to sleep at night, but if I'm not around will go down for other people.
Nurses when the sun shines is full of pictures of mum, dad and baby co sleeping so if your little one is in a cot a different book might work better

Waddlelikeapenguin · 27/07/2017 22:42

On my 3rd BF baby & I just do a firm "it works for us" with HV for most things. & avoid them if possible

My now 8 &6 yr olds go to sleep fine & they were BF to sleep until 2 & 3 so yah-boo to your HV.
My third is 2 & a half & boobs to sleep. It works why on earth would i put energy into stopping something that works Confused

PetalMettle · 27/07/2017 22:42

Oh and I should add he goes to nursery 3 days a week and happily lies down and goes to sleep there

ShakeShakeTheMuffin · 27/07/2017 22:47

I bf my youngest at bedtime until he was almost 3. He's 5 now and sleeps much better than my daughter who bf for about 3 months total!

user1496777666 · 27/07/2017 22:47

She is talking bollocks. It sounds like you and DD are both still enjoying the bedtime feed and you are the only ones that matter in this. DS is 17 mo and still BF to sleep at night or basically any nap time when he knows I'm there, but naps fine at childminder's all week Hmm. He is probably going to be my only child and I work FT so I treasure that quiet bonding me with him each night.