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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to continue breastfeeding one year old to sleep?

40 replies

EverythingsRosiePosy · 27/07/2017 22:21

DD is 13 months, we gradually fell into a routine of me going to her room, nursing her to sleep having a cuddle and then laying her down in her cot.

Shes generally a good sleeper and sleeps through the majority of the time, I see her (video monitor) tossing and turning a lot in the night so she can put herself back to sleep when she stirs. I really enjoy the nighttime feed, its a time just for the two of us and is a nice end to the day.

We have just had her one year review with the HV who asked about her sleep etc. and I said its all going well, she has a feed and goes to sleep etc. the HV was shocked that I still feed her to sleep and insisted I need to start giving her the evening feed in the living room then putting her in her cot awake to put herself to sleep. I sort of just assumed we would gradually drop the evening feed when she is ready but would still have the nighttime cuddle etc. I did similar with my DS although he was bottle fed so would fall asleep with the cuddles instead.

The HV was quite rude and said DD won't learn to go to sleep by herself and I wouldn't want her to still need mummy's breast to sleep aged 25 .

Am I damaging her development, does she need to 'put herself to sleep' at this age? I really am not one to try crying it out, and as a single mother at present it works well for me as I put DS to bed with a cuddle and a story, then take DD to bed, both are asleep quickly and I can clear up/relax.

OP posts:

missm0use · 27/07/2017 22:53

Your HV is a nob! I would ignore any advice about breastfeeding or sleeping tbh unless you are actively seeking help!

I'm currently nursing my 18 month old back to sleep, for the second time tonight ...

My HV told me at our 12 month review to stop nursing to sleep and to only give DD water when she woke during the night for more milk as she was waking 2/3 times a night for milk, 6 months down the line and she 5 nights out 7 she sleeps straight through from 9 pm to 6 am. Haven't changed a thing, DD just grew out of need to wake up for milk!

MrsNuckyThompson · 27/07/2017 22:56

If the HV really said that to you about 'needing mummy's breast when she is 25' I'd complain about her!!

You're doing fine.

MrsNuckyThompson · 27/07/2017 22:56

What the hell has that got to do with the HV anyway? It's outrageous!!!

Belmo · 27/07/2017 22:59

What an arsehole your HV is.

badg3r · 27/07/2017 23:04

Ignore HV. I fed DS1 to sleep till he was two. If it goes on as long as that though it would be worth having a chat with your dentist about increased risk of tooth decay. DS is only allowed water these days once he has brushed his teeth but it old enough to understand this now so has milk before if he wants. He is quite happy for me or DH to put him to bed and the transition away from boob-to-sleep was gradual and stress free. Oh, and he is only 2.7, not 25

Honestly, if it's working for you then keep going. I used to love those end of the day feeds!

sunshineon · 27/07/2017 23:21

The HV's can be very judgemental. I would say what a load of rubbish, she clearly can settle herself down otherwise she wouldn't be doing it all through the night by herself. Mums know what works for them best. Don't listen!

CheerfulMuddler · 27/07/2017 23:46

I bf/walked mine to sleep until he was quite old - about 21/22 months. However, I do think that was the wrong decision for us. It got to the point where it would take ages for me to get him to sleep, he would wake up several times in an evening and I would have to settle him, and my husband was frustrated when I asked him to help because the baby would just want milk. And the childminder did have problems getting him to sleep and so did family members when they babysat and so occasionally did DH when I left him with the baby.
We eventually just cracked and said enough, and he learnt really quickly, slept through almost immediately every night from then, and it made everything so much easier. I wish we'd done it ages ago.
Having said that, your situation does sound different from ours, and that 25 years and still feeding comment from the HV is deranged. It is a skill they have to learn, though it sounds like yours already has. But no, you aren't damaging her in the slightest, and if it works for you then fuck the HV.

Anon8604 · 27/07/2017 23:53

Another vote for ignoring your HV. If you're happy to feed to sleep and it's working for your DD then there's no reason whatsoever to stop.

glitterglitters · 28/07/2017 00:02

Haven't read the whole thread but I bf my dd to sleep until she was 20 months when she decided to stop between the two of us. It was the last feed she dropped. She just had her 2 year review and she got a perfect score so I don't think feeding her to sleep broke her. She also sleeps through every night in her own.

Also please report the hv. Current NHS guidelines suggest breastfeeding until at least 2 years, if not longer. She needs some more training.

horsefeathers · 28/07/2017 00:10

Ignore HV if you're happy with what you're doing! HVs are just people - some are utterly fantastic, some not. Some have very fixed ideas and think their experience trumps everything else. Some are just thick as mince. You're doing absolutely fine.

Frankly I'm still breastfeeding DS to sleep some of the time at 20 months, though he will nod off without it if I'm not there. He then starts the night in his cot but comes into my bed partway through, where he'll have a bit more milk and go back to sleep. I hadn't planned to still be doing this now, but it's working OK. We all get sleep, there aren't any major battles, and we can't put him in his own room yet because our house is a building site. I'm planning to transition him off the boob when his bedroom is sorted. Whether that works or not, I'm not worried he'll still be sucking on my nipples at 25.

Lindy2 · 28/07/2017 00:11

Both of mine gradually grew out if being BF to sleep at around 18 months. It was a shame as it had been such a nice easy way to get them to go to sleep. There is no reason at all for you to stop what you are doing.
I've generally found HV advice very dubious. One of mine repeatedly told me to add butter to DD1's foid to help her gain weight despite the fact she was under the care of a consultant and dietician for allergy to dairy.

HiJenny35 · 28/07/2017 01:55

Yes she's totally right, I have to breastfeed my 25 years old to sleep every night because I never fed him in the living room....
Oh no sorry that's NEVER happened!!!! I co-slept and EBF to 3, I got all the same rubbish from my Hv. At 3 she stopped feeding (just didn't bother anymore) and just had the cuddle instead. At 3.5 she started just getting into bed without needing the cuddle. Now at 4.5 she has a kiss and a hug and says 'night mum' and off she goes. My friend did the whole sleep training, crying it out etc and at 5 her boy is still horrendous every night, do whatever suits you and your child. Why do Hv constantly come out with this rubbish. You're doing great, honestly don't worry.

DeadMorose · 28/07/2017 02:09

I would complain about her.

Sleepysausage · 28/07/2017 07:15

You're doing a great job. My parenting mantra is ...Do what works for you!
If you are happy to bf to sleep do it.
Youre hv sounds like a wally!

GizzyTiedToATree · 28/07/2017 07:46

I breastfed my 3 DCs to sleep until they were 3, and they have no problems going to sleep on their own.
Do what is convenient for you, and smile and nod

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