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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my DH is a running bore?

82 replies

FitbitAddict · 27/07/2017 19:24

Desired conversation:
DH: I went for a run today
Me: Ok

Actual conversation:
DH: I went for a really quick 5km round the park at lunchtime
Me: Mmm
DH: Just over 23 minutes, that's not bad, is it?
Me: silence
DH: Here's the lap times
Me: continued silence
DH reels off lap times
DH: Yes, I'm really pleased with that
Me Mmm
DH: It felt really good today

I run too, but I don't even mention it unless specifically asked! DH has to tell me every minute detail of his runs, and that can be as often as 5 times a week Hmm

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 27/07/2017 21:50

My DH is 53 too. He runs 5km in 20 minutes apparently. I had to ask him though. He knows I am generally not interested.

KennethCat · 27/07/2017 22:09

Yanbu.
I have a colleague who lists on fb not only her own park run times but those of her fellow runners we aren't interested in your own times let alone people we've never heard of
Lovely, interesting lady until she took up running. Now she's totally boring and self obsessed. She won't come out for a meal with us any more because obviously ingesting any more than a couple of lettuce leaves will impair her ability to run the next day Confused

tootsietoo · 27/07/2017 22:16

I wonder what people talk to each other about if they don't talk about their interests and passions! I would have said that YABU, OP, until I read the "just noise" comment. In which case YADNBU.

Tigresswoods · 27/07/2017 22:36

You've all got it easy. DH comes home from a round of golf & not only tells me his score but what clubs he took on each hole!!! Shock

justilou · 28/07/2017 00:36

Try the Mrs Brown's "That's nice..." with a smirk when you really mean "FECK OFF!"

AlexandraHamilton · 28/07/2017 00:44

An actual problem I have with mine is how he talks at me for long time periods - ie in the car today he opened with 'I read this really interesting article' and literally spent the entire trip telling me about it.

It's actually a real problem as his monologues kill any shot at bounce and humour and feeling like we are actually talking which is part of our more serious relationship issues.

I'm not really sure how to bring it up

ALLthedinosaurs · 28/07/2017 00:57

My DH does this but its about every single social interaction he's had this day.

He lists literally every conversation he has at work and then he discusses the ones he's had in his head too. And then potential conversations he might have, and then what he might do if said conversations occur and then I have to stop him because he gets too excited. Then he asks me if anything interesting happened to me at work and I say "no" because if I told him, he'd certainly have a lot to say about what he would have said if he was there too. Good job I love him lots.

I wonder if he goes to work and discusses the conversations he's had with me and DC? Also I wonder if I am more interesting/engaging in his imaginary comversations with me?

LuckyLuckyMe · 28/07/2017 00:59

If you think it's boring now wait til he is training for a marathon Confused

Re the "its noise" comment though I'm with a PP who said to run 5k faster than him. GeniusSmile

MeanAger · 28/07/2017 01:02

Does he not have a FB group he could post those details on for likes and praise?

AuntieStella · 28/07/2017 07:58

MeanAnger

Good idea, but I assume he has no Strava friends so might not get very far on social media. Perhaps he could start by trying to crack RL first sand actually listen to people

midnightmisssuki · 28/07/2017 08:03

A bit mean OP - i think all he wants is some recognition Smile surely you can afford him that?

Andrewofgg · 28/07/2017 09:16

A running bore is the second worst bore in the world.

The worst is - of course - a golf bore.

Anyone got any better candidates?

RoseAndRose · 28/07/2017 10:50

I think you might be on to s winner with golf (or paint drying)

midnightmissuki have you read OP's second post? I can see exactly why you wouldn't want to listen to someone so blatantly rude about listening to you

Nikephorus · 28/07/2017 11:59

Maybe he made the "just noise" comment BECAUSE of OP's blatant lack of interest in anything he says?

letsgomaths · 28/07/2017 12:32

Conversations about each other's doings can be useful. I agree with the point that people do it to seek some validation of what they have done. We all like approval from others. (Do people not post their small achievements on MN; I mean come on, why should the rest of the world care if you've lost a stone?) Lighthearted, by the way.

Related to this, we are probably all familiar with: "how was your run today?" or "how was work today?". Let's be honest, when we ask that, we're mostly doing it to make conversation, but if we do ask, we should listen to the answer.

I think the skill here when telling of your run, gym, netball, whatever... is to mention one or two points which might be of interest. Seeing some funny behaviour by cats on your run might be far more interesting than how many seconds fewer the run took than yesterday.

My DP and I both play netball (contrary to popular belief, some chaps do play it! Shoot us now, no pun intended!), but usually not together. We often tell each other of funny moments which happened in each others' games, and an anecdote or two is enough for us. We don't bother to tell each other what position we played, the score, who got called for obstruction, whether someone was disqualified for having nails too long, etc.

Perhaps a great present for a bore is a diary. Perhaps the bores need to keep diaries, or put their results in a spreadsheet. I used to do this with things I thought nobody would be interested in, and I would work out statistics with them. Oh the joys...

rightsofwomen · 28/07/2017 13:22

That he said you sound like noise has put me right off him, I'm afraid.

Until then I was going to ask whether he was in a running club or online running community? We love nothing better than comparing our mile splits, how many seconds we ran a certain stretch in, how tight our hamstrings are, what races we're doing, what's new on the technical fabric scene, which tracking watch and app we use, what cross training we're doing, whether we stretch etc etc.

He just needs to find kindred spirits.

HipsterHunter · 28/07/2017 13:23

God my boss is always telling my about his PB on park run, and what time his three children got.

I DON'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT YOUR FAMILY RUN TIMES!

Yolandafarthing · 28/07/2017 13:27

It is good for the body though; everyone should take exercise.

Soz, too busy eating chocolate.

seasonschooner · 28/07/2017 13:37

I have been known to break down 5km laps and best times etc. My DH always seems fairly interested and talks encouragingly about it with me. I also bore him with swimming techniques and he gives me tips about how I can improve. He also put up with me practising my strokes lying on a wooden chest. Grin I guess he's a keeper not sure about me? He does bore on about all sorts of diy related stuff and I sometimes have to follow him into the garage for a demonstration! We are boring bastards tho...

Jivebunny89 · 28/07/2017 22:14

My husband is like this, but with his job, which is web development.
I have no clue, and no interest. And he often speaks to others in the same way, .net this and javascript that… I don't really have the foggiest.

He loves it and I'll listen, because it really makes him happy.

Justgivemesomepeace · 28/07/2017 22:24

I have a golf bore- endless monologue about back 9's, shot a 65, birdies, bogies I've no idea what he's on about and don't care. That combined with the detail of his electronic engineering job which is all initials of stuff I don't understand, and code omg.... remember Charlie Brown at school and his teacher rattling away in the background- that's what I hear now blah blah blah blah.......

holdontotheaffirmative · 29/07/2017 05:01

Aw, he's just after a bit of praise and encouragement. Indulge him

user1495025590 · 29/07/2017 05:13

You are really rude. You need to ask a couple of questions before you shut down
Him: I went for a run today
You: really? Where did you go?
Him: round the park
You: how did it go?
Him: 23 minutes
You: fab! (Wander off)

LellyMcKelly · 29/07/2017 07:00

I have a colleague who posts his time, map of his route, and who he ran with every single day on Facebook. Nobody cares, mate.

wanderings · 29/07/2017 07:31

I'm sure people talk about things like this because they want the "validation"; I know I do. I used to bore my parents rigid with details of all my lessons when I was learning to drive. I don't blog much; I sometimes put photos on Fb, there's always a frisson of excitement if one of them gets a "like" or a comment.

When I did the Crystal Maze experience in London, I liked it so much that I wrote a blog about it, game by game. Doing so was mostly for my benefit rather than anyone else's; I wanted to write about it before I forgot it. I sent a link to the people I thought might be interested, but I did it not expecting many people to read it at all.