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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend coming to stay - AIBU or is DH?

48 replies

MirandaGoshawk · 27/07/2017 16:38

A close friend has been living locally for nearly 3 years, looking after someone's property while they are abroad. Today the owner has told him that she is coming home in 2 weeks and he has to get out, so will be homeless. He knew this day would come but thought he'd have longer to organise himself. He runs his own tour business from home. He will hand over the running of the house/looking after her cats to her, and then...? He is just about my closest friend after DH and I have a spare bedroom, so of course I immediately said he could stay here for a couple of days. DH and I both work from home - him in the kitchen and me in the bedroom so our living room doesn't get used during the day. DH usually watches TV with DS in DS's bedroom in the evenings. I told DS about friend being chucked out & could he stay & DH said no! Because he (DH) works. I know I should've run it past DH first but I didn't think he would say no. What do you think? How to handle this?

OP posts:
DressedCrab · 27/07/2017 16:39

Apologise to your friend and say your DH says it won't work.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 27/07/2017 16:39

Sorry, I told DH (not DS - he's out all day).

OP posts:
HarmlessChap · 27/07/2017 16:46

YABU. As you said you should have run it past your DH first, if he invited a friend to stay without asking you that would be UR too.

How you handle it is to tell your friend ASAP so they can try to make alternative arrangements.

numbmum83 · 27/07/2017 16:51

So what happens in the day if friend wants to make a drink or the toilet. Would he have to go out all day ? I don't think it would work either. Maybe if you had an office away from the rest of the house . I can't imagine it would be for a couple of nights and it might get a bit messy.

RandomMess · 27/07/2017 16:53

Would DH be open to storing some stuff for friend whilst he gets sorted out?

I can see both sides tbh.

Glumglowworm · 27/07/2017 16:58

YABU for not discussing it with DH first

I would also suspect it will be longer than a couple of days. More likely to be a a couple of weeks at least.

NancyDonahue · 27/07/2017 16:59

But would it really be a 'couple of days?'

Surely, he can sort out somewhere in 2 weeks? I agree with pp about offering storage space but I wouldn't go further than that.

It could be very awkward indeed if a 'couple of days' turned out to be longer and the friendship starts to come under strain, not to mention your marriage.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/07/2017 17:01

Your DH is being mean I think but it is his house too. I would be trying to talk him round if I trusted said friend to shift in the 'few days' timescale. Longer than that I wouldn't really want a lodger.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/07/2017 17:02

Yabu, I would hate if my dh did this. An awkward situation you have gotten yourself in to. Is two weeks not enough to sort himself out, financially I assume he has saved for this day as he knew it would come?

ShatnersWig · 27/07/2017 17:03

Your DH is NBU.

Tootsiepops · 27/07/2017 17:06

YABU. Should have been discussed with family first.

IHeartDodo · 27/07/2017 17:11

It is a bit mean of DH...
BUT, imagine if he did this to you? Would you be ok with it?

lmer · 27/07/2017 17:14

Yabu- you should of asked him before asking your friend to stay, just tell your friend that your sorry but unfortunately you don't think it'll work out.. also I have a suspicion your friends idea of "a couple of days" may be 2weeks?

SeaCabbage · 27/07/2017 17:14

As someone else asked, would it really be a couple of days? Because that isn't very much to be of much help I would have thought.

I think it is fair enough to say to the friend, sorry I would have liked to have helped but with both of us working from home, it just wouldn't work.

I am sure the friend must have other options.

HipsterHunter · 27/07/2017 17:15

No reasonable person says 'no' in situations like this.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who could be mean in that respect, unless there is a huge backstory like you and this guy used to shag or something.

timeisnotaline · 27/07/2017 17:18

If it was really a couple of days your dh doesn't sound quite reasonable. Yes there might be conditions on behaviour during the day but ... a couple of days?? If hes worried it'll be weeks then he should say so and you can address that.

LadyOfPleisure · 27/07/2017 17:18

I dont believe for a moment he has only had 2 weeks notice.

He has lived rent free for 3 years, he should have had enough put aside to get himself sorted really quickly.

With your dh on this one.

Dadstheworld · 27/07/2017 17:21

I don't think DH is BU.

From what you have said, as well as 3 adults and a child living in the house, there will be 3 people trying to work from home as well.

Starlight2345 · 27/07/2017 17:23

I agree he knew they were planning to come back soon...He could of rented somewhere and not moved in for a few weeks..Based on the fact I am assuming rent free he can afford temp accommodation for a while and get a flat..

It would never ever be a couple of days..

weeblueberry · 27/07/2017 17:23

Sorry YABU. You can't offer your house without checking with someone. Doubly so if you both work from home.

Agree with the others it won't be a couple of days...

luckylucky24 · 27/07/2017 17:24

You should have checked but he is being tight. Does your DH even like the friend? Just asking coz DH has one or two friends I cannot stand to be around for an hour so would never agree to staying in our house homeless or not!

Anecdoche · 27/07/2017 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gemini69 · 27/07/2017 17:25

having overnight staying guests is my personal idea of HELL... HELL I TELL YOU... I like the peace and tranquility of Home .. but that's just me Grin

anyway.... I feel for you OP.. however you offered without considering the impact on the rest of your household...

no offense to your dear Friend ... but be honest... he has made no attempt in 3 years to find alternative accommodation.. whilst knowing this day would come.. IF he moved into your conveniently spare room... he will NOT leave anytime soon..... Don't do it Flowers

Jaxhog · 27/07/2017 17:25

Your DH is right. Your friend should have been making contingency plans. That he hasn't, would suggest that it won't be just a couple of days. We made this mistake many years ago, and 'a few days' turned into more than 3 months.

If it is just a couple of days, then a cheap hotel would suffice.

thefutureisfemale · 27/07/2017 17:26

YABU I would be furious if my DH did this

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