Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'It gets so much easier....'

43 replies

Andthatswhatitsallabout · 27/07/2017 15:25

Decided to post after reading a few threads where the op writes about having a hard time with a newborn baby and cue lots of responses about how much easier it will get.
I have three children, my youngest is only 5 months old. None of them ever slept very well (several wakings a night until they were weaned from breastfeeding, obviously still in the thick of it with dc3) the eldest had bad reflux. I would say they were/are pretty high needs babies, couldn't/can't be put down, fed around the clock, only slept in a sling/buggy etc.
Even though I found/find this difficult, the toddler stage literally floors me. I find it so, so difficult. I am a bit introverted so maybe the fact that the baby can be carried around and I can still go about my daily business, they can't move, they don't need constant interaction and vigilance and not to mention the tantrums!
I just do not find it easier at all. I am really enjoying my baby at the moment and of course it is wonderful that they progress but I am already getting nervous about the toddler stage.
I guess my AIBU is to just not get how people can prefer the stage of constantly having to watch/follow/interact with a toddler vs a baby who although demanding I can still do so much with. Really baffles me tbh. And while I would never go on a thread where a parent with a new baby is struggling to say all this, I silently think I could never say it gets easier until they are 6....

OP posts:
Dottyblue2 · 27/07/2017 15:27

Oooooohhhhhhhhhh kaaaaayyyyyyyy

troodiedoo · 27/07/2017 15:27

Age 6-9 is lovely then the pre teen hell starts.

fuzzywuzzy · 27/07/2017 15:28

The sleeping gets easier as baby gets older and feeding is established.

Having children has challenges at each stage, but the sleepless baby stage does not last and that what most posters are reassuring a struggling new mum about.

FooFighter99 · 27/07/2017 15:28

I much prefer my DD at 5 than as a baby/toddler. She can entertain herself but still loves mummy cuddles. best of both worlds Grin

Ecureuil · 27/07/2017 15:30

Mine are 3 and 2 and it's so so so much easier than when they were babies. For me. We're all different. I really struggled with the extreme lack of sleep, the neediness etc. Now, they're good company. We have lovely trips out, chats, do crafts etc. Obviously everyone experiences it differently!

SerfTerf · 27/07/2017 15:31

"It gets easier" is 'big picture' solace from those of us who've grown humans to large sizes or even adulthood.

It's broadly true; it DOES get easier over the course of childhood. Of course it's not a smooth upward curve.

Realitysandwich1 · 27/07/2017 15:35

The general trajectory is upwards though - you gain experience, skills and second time round you know no phase lasts forever.

Realitysandwich1 · 27/07/2017 15:36

Also there's a difference between the first few weeks of a first baby, and babies in general. The first few weeks with baby 1 are a special line of terror.

TheSparrowhawk · 27/07/2017 15:38

For me, when I went to baby and toddler group with a baby, that meant I had to carry a wiggly little thing around, sit on the floor with them, play with them etc. But when I went with a toddler I could just land them on the floor and they'd at least fuck off for 5 minutes or more and I could get a sentence or two out to an adult once in a while. So I found the toddler stage easier. Plus my second was the worst baby ever so that didn't help when it came to liking the baby stage.

Lules · 27/07/2017 15:38

I have a 22 month old. It's hard but in a different way which I find easier. Yes, he requires more entertaining but it's not the relentless feed/change/get to sleep cycle of a smaller baby.

Also I think babies are hard because it's such a massive change to your lifestyle and you don't get much back in terms of interaction. I do find having a toddler more physically demanding (but then I am 7 months pregnant!)

BayLeaves · 27/07/2017 15:40

I agree, I don't think it gets easier at all, the challenges are just different challenges!

I have a 6 week old baby, and apart from the sleep deprivation he's wayyyy easier than my 3 year old. He can't run off, crawl off, refuse to go anywhere, throw a tantrum, argue, etc, and he only weighs 10lbs rather than 2 stone!

Flumpernickel · 27/07/2017 15:42

But what would you have people say OP?

"Thats it, life is over, you are going to have a horrible time forever."?

For most, things do get easier, harder in some ways, easier in others. I say that as the mother of a 17 yr old and a 10 yr old. I had the 17 yr old when I was just 20, and that was fucking hard. Raising a teen is fucking hard, but it is easier than sleepness nights, constant feeding, never being able to have a shit in peace etc...

Its all relative.

user1andonly · 27/07/2017 15:43

I get where you are coming from for sure. I have three - my youngest is now 17 so I have been through all the stages and can categorically say that I found around 15 months (ie they start to get into everything!) to 4 (ie they start school!) the hardest.

I would also agree with this though The first few weeks with baby 1 are a special line of terror.

The happiest time in my life was from when my youngest was about 8 through till the oldest leaving for uni. If I had to pick a time to stay in forever, it would be then.

DaisysStew · 27/07/2017 15:44

Different strokes for different folks. Some people love the newborn phase and find toddlers hard work, some can't cope with the sleep deprivation but breeze through the terrible 2s, some people find every phase amazing or exhausting. No ones right or wrong, just different.

Flumpernickel · 27/07/2017 15:45

FWIW I do see where you are coming from, but new parents do need huge support and encouragement in those early days, not doom and gloom, especially when those of us who have almost crossed the finish line (IYSWIM) are able to reflect and offer our collective experiences.

ZippyCameBack · 27/07/2017 15:50

My first had colic and it felt like he screamed in my face for the first two months of his life. I also had a nasty postpartum infection, so anything after that felt easy.
Mostly though, it just got different and every age/stage has some fun things and some nightmarish things about it. I like the plonkability of babies, but as they get older I've enjoyed having more sleep. Even an easy baby is still really difficult when you are the only one who can feed them in the night.
The only time (after the first few sleepless weeks) that I've really hated has been age 8. All of mine have become whinging whining nightmares for that whole year, then they seem to snap out of it and go back to being lovely again.

missiondecision · 27/07/2017 15:55

So what would you prefer people to say?
It gets better for a little while when they are sleeping. Then it's shit again?

Tumblethumps · 27/07/2017 15:57

Well I'm the opposite. Give me a 2yr old any day of the week over a newborn. I hated having babies but loved having toddlers. I hate when others have a new baby too and you're expected to love it and want to hold it. I just think, thank goodness it's not me!

To me babies are small and boring and helpless and you worry constantly about their health and their development and their bowel habits. Toddlers walk and talk and bring you flowers. DD is my youngest and a bit more whingy than her brothers were but I still love this so much more than nappies and leaky boobs.

Ellieboolou27 · 27/07/2017 16:05

Still waiting for it to get easier and dd is just turned 5!
Tbh I found it all really hard until ds1 started nurseet, then like a fool I had another Grin
Agree with the poster who said 15 months to 4 are pretty much the hardest, only 2 more years to go!

Getoutofthatgarden · 27/07/2017 16:06

I agree with you. I found the newborn stage a breeze(I was very lucky that there were no issues, colic, constipation etc,) the toddler years where they're into everything however, nightmare. I couldn't relax at all, constantly thinking toddler was going to tip over and split their head open every day(they didn't). Even 3/4 I found quite tough, it's all much easier now that DC is 6.

redphonebox · 27/07/2017 16:07

It got easier for me. And if people had not told me it would have got easier, there is a fairly high chance I would have run away to join the circus.

weeblueberry · 27/07/2017 16:07

I've got a four year old and a two year old and hell yes I find it easier. They go off and play together which actually allows me to have a cup of tea/load the dishwaster/hoover. As a result I'm not living in a pigsty and actually relax. When they're tiny they rely on you for everything and it just seems so relentless...

OhWifey · 27/07/2017 16:08

My view is that it doesn't get easier, it gets different.
It depends on the person which aspects they find easy and hard I think.
Perhaps someone who needs to feel clean and in control will find newborn the hardest, and maybe an introvert will find toddler hardest due to constant interaction.
Maybe someone else will find the early years of school hardest.

Ecureuil · 27/07/2017 16:10

Surely it very much depends on the child? Mine only slept attached to my breast for the first 6 months or their lives. They were frustrated with not being able to move.
In general, they're lovely toddlers/pre schoolers. They both finally sleep through the night. They're good company.

gluteustothemaximus · 27/07/2017 16:13

I think genuinely, people are just trying to be positive.

Saying to someone with a newborn, it gets better age 6 years, may not help Grin

Yes, the toddler stage is hard, but for different reasons.

Personally, my 18 month old is a handful, but compared to the near constant breastfeeding a 4 week old, it is 'easier'.

Sleep is still crap mind, but. It does get easier Grin