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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH doesn't want me going out with mate

42 replies

OverTheHammer · 26/07/2017 18:38

To make it brief - I used to work with this woman and whilst we were never close, I always found her hilarious and even when we parted ways, I often thought of the stuff she used to do and laugh to myself. She was just so "naughty" for want of a better word, think Rik Mayall crossed with Patsy Stone.

Anyway a few months ago we ended up on a training day together, had an absolute blast and ended up being asked to quieten down in the toilets as we were messing around and laughing so much. She makes me feel like a kid again. We arranged a night out.

Well on this night out she got very drunk and very outrageous to the point where she openly flirted with "taken" men, actively made many a pass at a bloke she knew who do happened to be in a relationship, got us kicked out of a pub, we got asked to leave another pub as it was closing so she purposely spilt wine on the floor, she then took the rest of the bottle and downed it - in the takeaway she kept calling the bloke serving "driver" as she thought she was in the taxi and in the taxi she told the driver she couldn't remember where she lived so he could take her home to his.

Anyway I got in and said to DH "never again! She's hilarious but I can't cope with that, I've never been kicked out of a pub before!"

I still found it funny but told myself it would be the last time.

DH has taken an instant dislike to her, more because of her behaviour towards men than anything else. Aside from this night out she has a string of relationships on the go which she broadcasts to anyone that will listen.

The other night she posted a picture on Facebook of her drunk in a bar, sliding down a pole with money stuck in her dress. I burst out laughing. DH tutted and said I should delete her.

Anyway she recently sent me a message asking if we can arrange another night out - I hadn't even decided whether I wanted to go or not before DH said he didn't want me going out with her again. He's never said anything like this before! Is he justified?

OP posts:
letsmargaritatime · 26/07/2017 18:41

He may not like her and may have good reason but you're his wife, not his daughter, and he can't tell you who you're allowed to spend time with!

SpartacusSaiman · 26/07/2017 18:42

Tbh i wouldnt be happy with dh having nights out like that.

I wouldnt ban him but wouldnt be happy.

Would you be happy if your dh went with a mte who spent all night coming on to women? Targetting women in relationships?

Tbh it sounds like you turn into a child around her and you maybe hero worship her a little.

I think 2 adults pissing about so much they have to be told to keep it down, on a training course is really awful beahviour. Disrespectful to everyone else there.

ScarletForYa · 26/07/2017 18:43

She sounds like an arsehole.

coddiwomple · 26/07/2017 18:45

Your father would be justified, your DH no.

He's still entitled to have an opinion though! He would be perfectly reasonable to tell you that he'd much rather you didn't go. She does sound like a nightmare, some behaviour you get away with as a student, as a "grown-up", it's just wrong.

tanfield90 · 26/07/2017 18:45

This lady certainly doesn't sound like my cup of tea. However it is none of your husband's business who you choose to socialise with. All this 'honour and obey' nonsense is a relic. That is all.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 26/07/2017 18:45

Tbh I wouldn't like DH going on a night out with someone like that.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 26/07/2017 18:47

She sounds like an absolute nightmare. Dh is not your father and he can't tell you what to do but I can absolutely see why he thinks it's a bad idea if she's getting you kicked out of pubs.
I don't think she sounds funny at all she sounds like an arse hole.

ellestyle · 26/07/2017 18:47

Is he justified?
Yes

VeryButchyRestingFace · 26/07/2017 18:47

Will your husband bail you out when she gets you both arrested though?

That is the $64,000 question.

OverTheHammer · 26/07/2017 18:47

I know how it sounds but I'm a huge introvert with aspergers and social anxiety so I spend my life being quiet and wanting to disappear and be invisible. She brings out a whole different side to me but no, I wouldn't be happy if DH went on our wild nights like this so I suppose there is my answer.

OP posts:
VeryButchyRestingFace · 26/07/2017 18:48

I know how it sounds but I'm a huge introvert with aspergers and social anxiety so I spend my life being quiet and wanting to disappear and be invisible. She brings out a whole different side to me but no

There's a happy medium though, surely?

early30smum · 26/07/2017 18:48

While I think that DH should not be telling you who you can and can't go out with, this woman sounds like a nightmare TBH. Would you want your DH going on nights out with the male equivalent?

lmer · 26/07/2017 18:49

He can't actually stop you- but tbh she sounds like she'd be abit embarrassing to be out with

SpartacusSaiman · 26/07/2017 18:50

I have aspergers. She would make me want to hide in a hole.

What if someone called the police if she purposely pours wine on their floor. Do you really think thats ok? To do to someones business.

Yes she makes you feel like someone else. But do you want to be that person? Really?

OverTheHammer · 26/07/2017 18:50

I think he would bail me out if I got arrested yes - but I'd never hear the end of it lol. Just to be clear I stayed relatively sober on this night out and didn't do the stuff she did. I just observed like my own private comedy show!

OP posts:
SpartacusSaiman · 26/07/2017 18:51

Also what sort of impression do you think you both left with the people running the training course?

khajiit13 · 26/07/2017 18:53

I can see his point. She will drag you into ridiculous dramas and could genuinely put you in danger with that kind of behaviour. Not cool

SpartacusSaiman · 26/07/2017 18:53

Doesnt matter if you didnt do the stuff she did. You sat back and watched her. Your attebtion encourages her. Going out again is condoning it. Enjoying her behaviour is going along with it.

Tbh it sounds like sgevpossible has a drink problem. And you are using her to entertain yourself. Which isnt great either.

PlausibleSuit · 26/07/2017 18:55

There's a lot in your posts about how you find her behaviour amusing, shocking and so on but do you actually like her? As a person?

bigchris · 26/07/2017 18:56

So basically you're going out with her to laugh at her antics , so encouraging her for your amusement

She could well be alcoholic and you're facilitating that by finding the whole thing hysterical

Bluntness100 · 26/07/2017 18:58

I'd go, sounds like you both had a blast and no your husband can't say no. You didn't do anything wrong. You had fun. Seriously all the pearl clutching. Life's too short.

Go, enjoy yourself, and don't be made to feel guilty about it. By him or some very straight laced posters.

OverTheHammer · 26/07/2017 19:00

I wouldn't encourage alcoholism, I've been there myself.

But she's like this when she's sober!

OP posts:
bigchris · 26/07/2017 19:01

It's a bit like that episode in friends with Monica doing crazy things with the woman who nicked her credit card

CoughLaughFart · 26/07/2017 19:03

I wouldn't be told who I could and couldn't go out with - but remember that last time you said 'never again'.

NicolasFlamel · 26/07/2017 19:06

I can just imagine what people are thinking when you're messing about on training days or getting kicked out of pubs. It probably all just looks like an embarrassing mess.
Your husband has no right to police who you see but I can see why he dislikes her. Just be wary, stupid behaviour like that could end up with both of you getting arrested although it sounds like that would be another hilarious moment to reminisce on..

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