Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH doesn't want me going out with mate

42 replies

OverTheHammer · 26/07/2017 18:38

To make it brief - I used to work with this woman and whilst we were never close, I always found her hilarious and even when we parted ways, I often thought of the stuff she used to do and laugh to myself. She was just so "naughty" for want of a better word, think Rik Mayall crossed with Patsy Stone.

Anyway a few months ago we ended up on a training day together, had an absolute blast and ended up being asked to quieten down in the toilets as we were messing around and laughing so much. She makes me feel like a kid again. We arranged a night out.

Well on this night out she got very drunk and very outrageous to the point where she openly flirted with "taken" men, actively made many a pass at a bloke she knew who do happened to be in a relationship, got us kicked out of a pub, we got asked to leave another pub as it was closing so she purposely spilt wine on the floor, she then took the rest of the bottle and downed it - in the takeaway she kept calling the bloke serving "driver" as she thought she was in the taxi and in the taxi she told the driver she couldn't remember where she lived so he could take her home to his.

Anyway I got in and said to DH "never again! She's hilarious but I can't cope with that, I've never been kicked out of a pub before!"

I still found it funny but told myself it would be the last time.

DH has taken an instant dislike to her, more because of her behaviour towards men than anything else. Aside from this night out she has a string of relationships on the go which she broadcasts to anyone that will listen.

The other night she posted a picture on Facebook of her drunk in a bar, sliding down a pole with money stuck in her dress. I burst out laughing. DH tutted and said I should delete her.

Anyway she recently sent me a message asking if we can arrange another night out - I hadn't even decided whether I wanted to go or not before DH said he didn't want me going out with her again. He's never said anything like this before! Is he justified?

OP posts:
GnoraBatty · 26/07/2017 19:09

Bloody hell.
I am a silly drunk, I thought I had wild nights out. Nothing like that though.
I wouldn't purposefully spill wine on the floor at closing time for a start.
Your dh can't tell you what to do but I don't blame him for disapproving of her.

Sushi123 · 26/07/2017 19:11

Just reading about her makes me feel uncomfortable. I get the impression DH doesn't normally try to dictate who you spend time with. He may not have expressed himself in the best way, but I think she makes him uncomfortable and that his concern is well meaning. I would steer clear of her, if she's so much fun I'm sure she has plenty of other friends to go out with...I'm guessing that underneath all the fun and antics is someone insecure and needy.

SpiritedLondon · 26/07/2017 19:14

I'm not big and being told what to do by my DH but this woman sounds like a dick.

CaoNiMartacus · 26/07/2017 19:16

She sounds like a fucking liability.

I hate any whiff of controlling behaviour, but I'm kind of with your DH on this one.

KindleBueno · 26/07/2017 19:17

Me and DW are very relaxed in comparison to most couples. Both our witnesses when we married were our exes. But if this was in our house I would not be happy. I certainly wouldn't tell her she wasn't allowed but I would be saying I was unhappy with it and that I really preferred she didn't.

ijustwannadance · 26/07/2017 19:20

She sounds like one of those people that can't go out without getting completely twatted. Deep down she probably hates herself and acts like a dick for attention, like a class clown.

zzzzz · 26/07/2017 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/07/2017 19:31

It would be one thing if he said 'Oh god, I'd rather you didn't. I'd be worried if you went out with her, she gets herself in a lot of trouble & I'd worry you'd get hurt/in trouble by association' .

It's quite another altogether telling you he doesn't want you going out with her. He's your DH, not your father & you are an adult, not a child.

Notknownatthisaddress · 26/07/2017 19:31

To be honest, your friend sounds like an arse OP. As a few pps have said, grown women behaving like unruly teenagers is a bit pathetic.

If I was your DH, I wouldn't be too chuffed at you going out with her either.

Serialweightwatcher · 26/07/2017 19:32

I suppose he's thinking if she's that flirty and pushy with 'taken' men, she will lead you astray - even if he trusts you, he will worry which is natural I suppose and he's trying to prevent any problems between you both ... she sounds like a problem waiting to happen

becotide · 26/07/2017 19:33

This is tricky.

I think he's right to say that he doesn't like the idea of you going out with her - I don't even like the idea of you going out with her, because she sounds like the sort of person who's hilarious until she throws a battered sausage at a policeman whilst screetching "Oink Oink, Pigface!", or until she drops an ecstacy tablet in your vodka and coke because "you need to lighten uo and enjoy yourself". She sounds like she gets to the point where she can't control herself and that's only fun to be around until it goes wrong.

On the otherhand, you are a grown up human lady and can do what you want.

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/07/2017 19:34

The friend isnt the issue. Personally I wouldnt go out with her again, it does seem to be only a matter of time before she gets arrested.

However, that doesnt mean that your DH has the right to ban you from seeing her. If you choose to not go out with her again I thinkt hat you need to make it clear to him that it was your choice based on your own feelings and that he has/had no right to try to dictate to you.

SpartacusSaiman · 26/07/2017 19:45

The ops dh hanst banned the op. Or said 'you cant'

He has said he doesnt want her to. Thats his feelings and his feelings are valid.

The OP has even said she would not want her DH going out with someone similar.

Does that make her controlling as well?

EastMidsMumOf1 · 26/07/2017 19:49

Although your DH cant ban you from seeing anyone I do believe in compromise, is it possible for you to enjoy eachothers company at a coffee shop? Instead of getting wasted and causing your DH unessecary concern.
I also have aspergers and other anxiety related MH, this woman sounds like the polar opposite of who Id want to spend time with Blush I hope you and DH come to some sort of arrangement.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/07/2017 20:00

The woman sounds like an utter tosser. Not on for your husband to try and have a say in who you see but if this the only time he has it's because he is on to something: that the woman is a rude, train wreck.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/07/2017 20:29

So she creates havoc in the work place and in training sessions and when someone pulls her up on it she destroys property.

She sounds lovely Hmm

Thissameearth · 26/07/2017 20:35

This women sounds like she has problems. I've had fun wild nights out but nights like that would not be billed as fun but a night of being a horror. If a friend got like that now: chucked out of pubs, trying it on with partnered up people, throwing wine on floor I'd be bit 😠 and my friend would be calling next morning saying gah sorry! If it's a one off and they're normally good laugh not wild then I'd go out with them again but it sounds like she's like that all the time and that that's what you like. Also like others have said, it doesnt sound to me like you're being a nice friend. You said you're observing her like your own personal comedy show? Sounds bit mean. Pals don't let other pals look like a dick.

Re DH - think it's fine if he's saying don't want you to/are you sure that's a good idea if otherwise not controlling etc.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread