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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Day one of the holidays and DD has already

80 replies

EssieTregowan · 26/07/2017 13:32

Had a massive tantrum because she's bored. She is THIRTEEN. I thought these days were behind us.

She woke up at 9.30 and by 9.45 was asking what we were doing today. My response of 'er, nothing' was met with a strop.

I suggested lots of things, a round of Rummikub, helping me sort DD's bedroom (sounds weird but she loves doing it), watching a film. Nope. All she wanted to do was take the dog for a walk. In the rain. With me. Or go to a restaurant for lunch (no money and no transport today).

So she had a full on screechy meltdown. Apparently the holidays are for doing exciting things that you don't do usually and I am the most boring mum in the world ever.

My parents popped in and she's gone back with them. So now I feel doubly shit because she'll be doing nothing particular at theirs either but would rather be here than here.

Me and DS2 have played a game and watched some telly and generally mooched and I haven't even seen the fifteen year old yet today.

Is she actually the neediest teenager in the world ever? I'm not sure how we're going to get through the next six weeks. In previous years she's been in childcare so this wasn't an issue but I'm a SAHM now so it falls on me to make her holidays shiny and exciting.

Kill me now.

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 26/07/2017 14:44

Tbh your daughter sounds quite immature and stroppy. She should be able to either amuse herself, arrange her own plans or at least understand reasonable reasons why she can't do what she wants. Sounds like she was just spoiling for a fight in that hormonal teenage way!

WingsofNylon · 26/07/2017 14:45

I am lost without a plan and routine. Suddenly everything feels awful and boring. So I fully understand her position. Sure she was a brat about it but I still understand. Help her make a 4 day plan so she knows what is happening. That way she can manage her own expectations and know when you are and are not available to do things with. Also find a suitable consequence for the tantrum.

Steeley113 · 26/07/2017 14:45

I hate this expectation at the minute that summer holidays should be filled with exciting days out. Mine were mainly at home, or outside with friends. Now if you're not doing something you're a bad mum 🙄 I'm setting the bar low and preparing mine to be bored a lot 😂

gillybeanz · 26/07/2017 14:47

I'm sure she'll be fine when her friend is back from holiday, and probably won't have the time of day for you.
Then take off the time you are away, a week shopping for uniform and a couple of hobby/ interest days and they'll only be a couple of weeks left for hanging out with friends/ family days out.
I wouldn't worry mine was a bit the same on her first day off and has been a dream for the rest of the 4 weeks she's been off.
Only 6 weeks to go now Grin

NameChangeFamousFolk · 26/07/2017 14:47

She is a dickhead 13 year old, her emotions are hopeless, she is actually moaning about not being at school - which is patently ridiculous - and apparently a chronic billy no mates to boot

Wtaf?

At least some of the other posters making nasty comments have attempted to offer something constructive as well. That's just pointless nastiness.

All she wanted to do was take the dog for a walk. In the rain. With me

Hardly the 'neediest teen in the world,' OP.

This thread will shortly be dripping with the irony of Mnnetters being increasingly vile about a 'dickhead' child not being nice and polite enough about holiday activities.

WooWooSister · 26/07/2017 14:53

I think the transition from having every hour accounted for (at school) to empty days can be difficult. I don't have a teen but at the start of each holiday, we all make a wishlist of between 4 and 5 things. They can be simple - family movie at home to more complicated - visit family in a different city. Everyone makes one (including the adults) and then we prioritise and schedule them in. It gives the DC a sense of ownership but also teaches them that the holiday isn't just about them.
Something we've also done is a photography or writing project across the entire holiday so each day they take a photo or draw a picture or write a few sentences in a book. Not only does it give them a focus each day but it means they have something to show at the end of the summer.

KimmySchmidt1 · 26/07/2017 14:55

Im not being harsh - all 13 year olds are prats to some extent. it is the nature of being 13. you can jolly them along without pandering to their bonkers behaviour.

ADayGivingMeHope · 26/07/2017 15:00

Your daughter asked to go for a walk with you.
You didn't want to.
To her that will sound like you don't want to spend time with her.
That is how I would've interpreted it at 13.
Kids don't see things the same was as adults, we forget that sometimes.
I'd have just wacked on a raincoat and gone out.
Before you know it she's going to have grown up and moved out.

toosexyforyahshirt · 26/07/2017 15:04

3 full months off shock when did that start? They used to be in line with the Scottish schools (6 weeks) give or take a few days! That's DOUBLE what they used to have

The post was only 2 lines long and you failed to read one of them? The one that would tell you which country the poster was talking about? Hmm

Pinkkahori · 26/07/2017 15:05

Migraleve Secondary schools in Ireland (apart from exam years) have June, July and August off. Primary have all of July and August.

Migraleve · 26/07/2017 15:11

The post was only 2 lines long and you failed to read one of them? The one that would tell you which country the poster was talking about?

HAHAHAHAHA

Brilliant.

I failed to read a post?? Coming from someone who clearly didn't read MY post.

At NO point did I question the country. I asked when 'that' (the 3 Months off) started as 'they' (referring to Ireland) used to be in line with Scotland give or take a few days.

So, thanks for trying to pick me up before I fall but quite frankly the only person you made out to be stupid there was not me.

Migraleve · 26/07/2017 15:12

Secondary schools in Ireland (apart from exam years) have June, July and August off. Primary have all of July and August.

Thank you, I didn't realise there were different (primary and secondary) time wise.

SaraWeez13 · 26/07/2017 15:15

Buy her The Sims to play. You won't see her again for the summer...

toosexyforyahshirt · 26/07/2017 15:16

You were obviously confused because it has always been the same and was never anything like Scotland. It was 3 months 20 years ago, and 50 years ago.

TeenAndTween · 26/07/2017 15:16

I own a nearly 13yo.
What I am doing this holidays (started today, fantastic success so far!) is providing 2 lists:
List A is things that can be done in the morning, e.g. cooking, craft kits
List B is more energetic things like swimming, going in to town
I asked DD to pick one from list A and a choice of 2 from B last night and they are being done today. Whenever we don't have a fixed plan, I'll do that.
(Otherwise DD would want to watch TV from 9:30-9:30 every day.)

SkafaceClaw · 26/07/2017 15:19

Tell her what my mum told me - 'only boring people can get bored'.

I still say it to pupils in my class when they talk about being bored at break/lunch etc.

Migraleve · 26/07/2017 15:39

You were obviously confused because it has always been the same and was never anything like Scotland. It was 3 months 20 years ago, and 50 years ago.

Correct I WAS confused. That's why I asked about it. Pretty normal thing to do. Someone has clarified that my confusion was between primary and secondary school though, I have thanked them, as you do when someone clears up your confusion so nothing for you to be concerned about.

I can understand you lashing out and trying again to make me look silly after your earlier mistake. I am more a 'sorry I got it wrong poster' but hey if you want to act like a dick then crack on.....

IHaveBrilloHair · 26/07/2017 15:40

Mine makes her best mate dance to her tune too and he does!
Her bf doesn't then she moans that he's lazy and never wants to do anything, all she wants to do with me is something that involves money (trying not to spend much), or going out in the car, but then she just wants her music on so loud we can't chat, and if I put my music on she sulks and puts her earphones in, I'm also not allowed to sing along with anything, that's instant sulk.
I love her but God she's hard work.
I'm leaving her to her Netflix, she won't even come out and watch films with me.

Chottie · 26/07/2017 15:48

Personally, I think you should cut your DD some slack. The school year is so full on now, she needs some time to decompress.....

In your shoes, I would have gone for a walk with her and the dog in the rain. It would have been an opportunity to have a chat with her and find out what she would like to do during the holidays. Then you can negotiate.....

TweenandTeen I love your idea of an A and B list. :)

Rossigigi · 26/07/2017 16:40

and ideas for the same a group but with a whiny boy?????

CauliflowerSqueeze · 26/07/2017 16:49

Part of the problem is that in school they start counting down the days till the holidays and get really excited for them, and then it's a massive let down as it's still "can you set the table" and still "you need to change your bed" and still "can you help me unpack the shopping". All the boring shit with no friends to join in the moaning. Add to that the endless updates from those who are abroad and relaxing by a pool and seemingly having a Fabulous Time, and staring out at the rain just feels really crap.
She will be feeling like a total dick for having a meltdown. She will also be really tired.

misshelena · 26/07/2017 17:49

Awww OP, I think it's sweet your 13yo wants to hang with you...

Summer holidays are WAY too long. Over here in the US, it's 13 weeks! I feel for the kids. Boredom is painful for them. I try to sign them up for different camps and classes, but they are expensive!! And at 13, your dd is too young to work or even volunteer... ugh.

SpiritedLondon · 26/07/2017 19:20

Rossigigi whiny boy- I'm on it, I'm on it! My first thought was to make an animated film. There are some little figures you buy and you can download the app which allows you to make make it on your iPad or phone. I will check the details.

SpiritedLondon · 26/07/2017 19:22

Ooooh how about Geocaching?

SparkyBlue · 26/07/2017 19:29

@Migraleve it's always been a full three months holidays here for secondary schools it definitely hasn't changed.