Day one of the holidays and DD has already

[EssieTregowan]

Had a massive tantrum because she's bored. She is THIRTEEN. I thought these days were behind us.

She woke up at 9.30 and by 9.45 was asking what we were doing today. My response of 'er, nothing' was met with a strop.

I suggested lots of things, a round of Rummikub, helping me sort DD's bedroom (sounds weird but she loves doing it), watching a film. Nope. All she wanted to do was take the dog for a walk. In the rain. With me. Or go to a restaurant for lunch (no money and no transport today).

So she had a full on screechy meltdown. Apparently the holidays are for doing exciting things that you don't do usually and I am the most boring mum in the world ever.

My parents popped in and she's gone back with them. So now I feel doubly shit because she'll be doing nothing particular at theirs either but would rather be here than here.

Me and DS2 have played a game and watched some telly and generally mooched and I haven't even seen the fifteen year old yet today.

Is she actually the neediest teenager in the world ever? I'm not sure how we're going to get through the next six weeks. In previous years she's been in childcare so this wasn't an issue but I'm a SAHM now so it falls on me to make her holidays shiny and exciting.

Kill me now.

Oh, it's just the typical i've-been-building-up-to-this-for-ages-and-now-it's-a-let-down anticlimax. This often happens after exams, for example. She probably thought the first day of the holidays would be greeted with a trumpet fanfare! She'll be fine. Don't take it to heart about her going to Granny's - it's just a different environment to the usual home, that's all. There'll be days in the future she'll long to just get back home and do nothing! Good luck with the mural.

Why didn't you send her out for a walk with the dog in the rain? Umbrella and coat and she'd be fine.

She might have to readjust from previous years of day long entertainment at childcare. Think up a few projects, plan a couple trips out, and explain that she's got to pull her weight and behave for those to take place.

Re the childcare, I couldn't leave her at home with ds1 as they bicker understatement so she went to ds2's lovely CM instead, with a bit of staying at my parents and going to see friends.

She didn't want to take the dog out on her own, she wanted me to come with her.

I think you're right about the end of term fanfare aspect. And she doesn't do well with transitions anyway so I was expecting a kick off of some sort. Just didn't expect it to be boredom already.

God...my 13 year old can't even bear to be in the same room as me! Maybe yours will become like that soon OP?

Is she claiming boredom because that's how she knows to express herself? As in, it's easier for her to say she's bored than it is to admit she's struggling?

My dd is bored too but not having strops luckily. She is 13 in a couple of months and has just finished year 7. She struggled to find friends this year but finally has a small group. Sadly only one lives in walking distance and seems to be unwilling to do anything at the moment so dd is stuck with us. I'm doing days out with friends (luckily my friends have kids of similar age to her). For days at home she uses her computer but gets bored of that. So we are doing some cooking, crafts (tie dying tshirts) and exercise (we're training for a 5k together). I also have ds10 who is autistic and gets bored very easily so I feel your pain. Not all 13 year olds are off all day with their friends after all. She does need to entertain herself though and seriously turn in the attitude. It's a hard age. I'm just glad dd will be happy to go back to school in September!

"I'M BORED!"

I reply with "Only boring people get bored"

(in my experience) 13 year old girls don't like being called boring, and soon find something to do

13 year olds have already been on holiday since the start of June and don't go back til the end of August!

3 full months off when did that start? They used to be in line with the Scottish schools (6 weeks) give or take a few days! That's DOUBLE what they used to have

Bunnyhipsdontliegirl: 13 years old needing mummy to entertain her? She was still in childcare at 12? I think you made your bed... she could have done with some independency some years ago.

So what else are working parents supposed to do, exactly? Leave 12 years olds at home all day by themselves for up to six weeks in the school summer holidays??

I think wanting to walk the dog with you in the rain - while not shiny or exciting - is actually quite nice. I think she's actually saying she wants quality time with you. Yeah, at thirteen she should have a better handle on her emotions and not be having a ranty meltdown, but in her own awkward, immature way, I do think she may just want time doing something with her mum. A meal out costs money, but a walk in the rain with mum and the dog costs nothing. That's how I read it, anyway.

13 years old needing mummy to entertain her?

That's a very unkind remark. Maybe she just LIKES spending time with her mum?

I always have done - I was still going on holiday with my parents at 18, 19 etc (in fact I still go on holiday with my parents now) not because of a need but because I enjoyed and valued their company.

Schmoo that's a good point. OP walk that dog with that DD now! It might be quite fun!

Hi OP, ah the joys of teenagers! We're on week 3 (Scotland) and it's not easy keeping the litte buggers darlings happy and entertained.
If she wants to go outside, why not let her? Waterproofs and wellies on and off you go. I don't keep mine inside every time it rains as I said, Scotland!! and it's quite nice to come in, dry off, have a hot choc in a fluffy onesie etc. All free which is an added bonus!
Don't feel bad about her being at granny's - she's 13, of course you're the devil!! but I agree with pps - a chore list, a fun list, and a free list of activities - depending on behaviour she can choose from one of them. I'd be taking away electronics for that tantrum though, but I'm a mean Mammy that's my way, I know it's not for everyone. Don't let it ruin your holidays, she'll just have to learn that she'll be bored sometimes and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I offered her jobs earlier and she snarled. This cracked me up. I have a jekyl and hyde teen. Sometimes lovely, sometimes snarly.

Sorry, no advice. Just good luck. I feel your pain.

I'd have been happy to either wait for the rain to clear and go for a walk, or let her go by herself but she was having none of it. It had to be both of us, right that minute.

Plus the dog is quite pathetic and hates the rain anyway (chihuahua).

I offered her loads of ideas for us to do together. I think she was just spoiling for a ruck, really.

Anyway, I'm enjoying my afternoon of peace. The other two don't need me at all so I'm watching telly with a cuppa. So win/win really.

Poor you OP my dd 14 is barely ever in the same room as me. I would like it occasionally if she actually wanted my company tbh but she is very self contained and can amuse herself with no input from me. I used to have a boredom busting list for my older ones though which was just a list of chores that I'd appoint every time they said they were bored. Funnily enough they soon stopped being bored when they knew the options

Definitely sounds like spoiling for a ruck, mine once did it for two and a half weeks, yes weeks whilst I refused to rise to it.

I offered her loads of ideas for us to do together. I think she was just spoiling for a ruck, really.

Joy of the teen years! As the song says, "One day at a time, sweet Jesus".

Titsywoo 14:07
So we are doing some cooking, crafts (tie dying tshirts)
I was going to mention that a friend's DD is doing tie dye today.

My sister is 13 too and we have days at home and days out (majority are free, but occasionally big days out). I always plan with her what we'll do on these days at home (ASD). There's often the occasional change of plan, which she deals with well. Some of the things we do at home are baking, cooking, crafts, games, exercise, watch a film, play a game, read etc. she also likes beading! We do alot of things to improve her coordination (she has DCD) too, so these benefit her long term. She also has a love for cleaning, so she will quite happily do all the chores

We got a summer book from school which has loads of free activities during the summer at the local libraries, schools, youth centres etc. There's dance classes, circus skills classes, sports clubs, fashion/craft/arts classes etc. Do you get similar? She likes to go to some of those by herself, makes friends etc.

My friends daughter is 12 and expects constant entertainment. She does have full on screechy meltdowns if there's no plan in place (no known SEN)
Literally the day she breaks up from school, she'll open the front door and she'll say 'mum, it's the holidays, right, so what are we doing then?' My friend is constantly tired. She messaged me last week (her daughter broke up Thursday) on Friday saying she's knackered, hasn't stopped and can't wait for her child to go back to school because she can't cope with 6 weeks of constant entertainment. She also needs entertaining every single weekend, inset day etc. Something has to be planned for both the morning and the afternoon. I couldn't deal with that.

Have a lovely holiday and enjoy your afternoon

I don't have a 13 year old so I have no practical experience but if she's remotely crafty there are dozens of things she could do quite cheaply. You can look at Pinterest for loads of ideas or take a trip to the library for relevant books. So some ideas might be : embellish clothes with fabric pens or studs etc , decorate super cheap white trainers or T shirts, reconstruct big t shirts into skirts etc ( hunt for one in a charity shop first) - there are books in the library for this or to buy obviously. Have a competition to see who can create the best outfit from charity shops. Create simple jewellery, make lip balms, create your own bullet journal ( Pinterest that). Organise your wardrobe on a free app like Closet. Card making. Shrinkies!!!!!! Jeez I want to do Shrinkies. Make some decorations using air dried clay. Decoupage a trinket box or picture frames. TAKe some photos and play around with special effects filters to create cool art. Blimey I could go on..... I should run a holiday club for bored teenagers.

But some of this she needs to organise herself.... it's the constant laying on of 24 hour entertainment that leads to the high maintenance individuals detailed above. Rod / back and all that. Good luck.

Mine are 5and 7. They finished last week. I finished yesterday and need some headspace. I thought they'd leave me alone and play with their toys this year. They haven't. They won't play outside or anything. I should have paid for more childcare days for them.

Aw, tell her I feel her pain (Been off since end of June, in that big stretch between college and uni) - I'm struggling to find things to do too (and I don't have many friends to spend time with either.) - the idea of having no structure to the day scares me a bit!

What I've been filling my days up with so far:

• days out/sleepovers w/ friends when I can
• arranging my room, getting rid of old stuff and planning to or buying new
• sorting old clothes (and buying new)
• Netflix binges!!!
• movie days in bed - dimmed lights, popcorn and Marvel movies! (Tonight is iron man!)
• reading & writing stories and doodling
• pamper days - painting my nails, putting on a facemask, moisturising
• baking
• making play-dough or slime
• looking on Pinterest (can get lost on there for hours)

Just a few ideas in case she's a bit lost. I wouldn't be too hard on her but at least hope for you that she stops being such a stroppy mare