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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some people are just downright rude?

59 replies

ziggzagg · 25/07/2017 20:36

Reading through some threads and, although there are lots of lovely people on her, there are many who just come on to spout shit and judge others.

I reiterate there are loads of lovely posters however I can see how a quick glance through some other threads may stop others posting for support.

OP posts:
Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 09:12

Oh god see what i mean

I am an exception!!!

How twattish does that sound Blush

I dont think i am the only one

MissionItsPossible · 26/07/2017 09:25

I personally think it's funny and one of the reasons why I lurked and then eventually joined here. I like that it's open and that you can swear and be rude and judgy. We're adults not children. That said, I have posted some replies to some topics on AIBU before deleting it and not posting anything because it wasn't helpful and was just plain rude. You get caught up in the mentality. It doesn't help that some topics are so stupid and so fake that they bring on those sorts of replies on themselves. And I agree with the people who said that nobody would do what they advise in real life. "Omg! I would have said are you always such a rude bitchy cunt? And then I would have slapped her right round the face" Lol, no you wouldn't.

Shockers · 26/07/2017 09:28

Although I often think, 'what was the point of that unhelpful comment?', I find that some posters are best ignored.

HappydaysArehere · 26/07/2017 09:34

There is a way of producing an honest reply without the nastiness that is so often apparent. Also, do we really need bad language even if is reduced to "wtf". Surely there is a way to debate in a constructive manner.

alltouchedout · 26/07/2017 09:53

There's nice people and rude people in every arena.

I know I'm not usually at my best, nicest, most polite, least confrontational or kindest on MN. I'm not sure why. Maybe because of the anonymity of the internet, sure, but I'm blunter and more bristly here than the other sites I go on. There just seem to be a lot of topics on here that push my buttons, and a lot of comments made that I allow to bring out the worst in me. Hmm.

coddiwomple · 26/07/2017 10:01

I think there's rudeness, and honesty.

Sometimes people sound rude because they are honest. They tell you exactly what they think. No, they probably wouldn't tell you to your face in real life, but they would judge you silently, and possible comment exactly the same way with others, or even behind your back.

You will never tell the truth to a work colleague, even if you make a formal complaint against them, you are still trying to be diplomatic. If you don't give a job to a candidate, you will rarely tell them why when you just dislike them - not just because s/he's not qualified.

It's a good thing we have a filter button in real life, and we teach our children to keep their thoughts to themselves of course. On anonymous forums, you can be more honest. Some posters are just goady, rude and only after a fight. Others are just blunt and will tell you what (some) people genuinely think about you when you do this or that.

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt · 26/07/2017 10:29

This is the reason why I would never ask for advice on relationship conflict here. I don't think I have ever seen a thread that didn't descent into a vicious character assassination of the OP's DP. It could be the most innocuous of misunderstandings that started the conflict but advice along the lines of "keep calm and communicate" is always shouted down with bitchy remarks like "Is he always this selfish/cruel/vile?" and shrieks of LTB!!!
It could be a tremendously helpful place to vent when feeling uncertain what to do for the best, wanting to smooth things over but being lousy at conflict resolution. Sadly, posting here is only likely to make the poster feel worse.
So yes, I'm with you. On AIBU you can expect a roasting because there's a fair to middling chance that yes, you are BU. But facing a barrage of criticism for wanting to stay with a partner who has the nerve to be slightly less than perfect...? Unnecessary, and potentially harmful.

sunshineandrainbowsparkles · 26/07/2017 11:04

I agree with you to a point, as I think a lot of Mumsnet comments get posted for others to snigger at, rather than to be helpful to OP. But I also think as adults we need to accept that what you deem as rude, might be just someone's blunt and direct way.

HappydaysArehere · 03/08/2017 13:53

Oh! Dear. I have noticed the nastiness here and there, although like you I have always loved mumsnet. However, on chat the other morning a woman showed a medical problem which in the photo looked really bad. Feeling sympathy I made the suggestion that if she rang the surgery she might get a more urgent appointment if she spoke to a female receptionist. In our surgery they are all women. Well that advice opened the flood gates accusing me of sexism. I felt as if I was in a dystopian film, or at the very least being chased by the Orwellian thought police. I was really upset until at last a really kind poster named two of the posters as not nice people and advised me to ignore them. I must say it has taken me a few days to get over it. Now I feel that Mumsnet is no longer the friendly place I once thought it.

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