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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some people are just downright rude?

59 replies

ziggzagg · 25/07/2017 20:36

Reading through some threads and, although there are lots of lovely people on her, there are many who just come on to spout shit and judge others.

I reiterate there are loads of lovely posters however I can see how a quick glance through some other threads may stop others posting for support.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 25/07/2017 21:20

The good thing on here unlike RL is that you don't have to engage with the bitchploppers if you don't want to. They know exactly what they are doing.

ziggzagg · 25/07/2017 21:22

True! I just think it stops people getting valuable advice/support.

I always remember if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 25/07/2017 21:26

If you want proper advice I have always thought to avoid AIBU or Chat and post in the proper topic. Better to get a handful of decent replies that hundreds of Hmm ones.

And use the Report button.

YesEinsteinsMumDid · 25/07/2017 21:27

Tbf the journalists lifting stories from here stop a lot more people from getting valuable advice/support imo. That and trolls destroying the trust of those who might be in a position of trust. Both are completely different issues to people who aren't being nice.

In order to offer good advice you often have to be mean simply because the advice the person needs to hear they don't want to hear. If we all were nice and agreed all the time there would be no proper advice and no debating of different opinions

cowgirlsareforever · 25/07/2017 21:27

It's worst when somebody makes a mistake. The amount of posters who jump in, simply to point out the error is astonishing, as is the vitriol. It reminds me me of angry road ragers who turn the air blue when they witness a minor mistake on the road. It's weird.

YesEinsteinsMumDid · 25/07/2017 21:29

^^ good advice from Sparklingbrook there. Specific topics are useful and a lot of people never venture out of chat/aibu

daisychain01 · 25/07/2017 21:38

People deliberately word the OP to create a reaction. It's deliberate, which I find manipulative so don't bother to write anything as I know it will sound negative.qa

Serialweightwatcher · 25/07/2017 21:47

I just think there are some people in life that like to piss other people off or come across as rude because they generally are or don't take into consideration others' feelings .... on here there seems to be a bit of both but I do sometimes feel very sorry for people who seem quite sensitive because I don't think an online forum is the right place when someone is going to get upset if they get nasty remarks

TiggyD · 25/07/2017 21:49

I think we can all agree the world would be better if everyone was like me.

quizqueen · 25/07/2017 21:52

Some people interpret honesty and common sense as rudeness just as some people at work, who are told they are not doing their job properly, call that bullying. Some OPs post a question on here but don't really want to listen to answers which they don't want to hear.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/07/2017 22:08

"....it needed saying..."

For the umpteenth time.

BeeThirtythree · 25/07/2017 22:32

I think most people who post deep down know if they are unreasonable or what they want to do but just want others to 'back them up' and hand hold a bit! Rude people who offer nothing positive or constructive, ranting just to feel better really annoy me!
Either offer support, a solution or even something witty but rudeness for the sake of it...not needed on MN

PenguinOfDoom · 25/07/2017 22:49

I have to admit, mostly I try to be nice but sometimes I just totally lose patience, especially when people are clearly not RTFT or are desperate to project their own fears onto the OP, i.e. 'my DH has a mental health issue', and loads of people ignore that and decide he is having an affair. Worse, they then start telling the OP how to plan ahead to cope with the non-existent affair.

The threads where an OP has phrased something badly, and it's clear there was no intent behind it but they really need advice, and you get posts berating her for wording her post badly and making a point of not offering advice because they found her post so deeply offensive.

And the threads where someone uses 4000 words with no paragraphs to ask if they are BU about something desperately trivial, like giving their own DC a balloon before giving their friend's DC a balloon.

I try not to be actually rude, but it's fucking hard work sometimes.

ForalltheSaints · 26/07/2017 07:10

As keyboard warriors more likely to be rude than in real life. In fact I suspect some people are incapable of much real-life conversation.

MaisyPops · 26/07/2017 07:27

people deliberately word the OP to create a reaction. It's deliberate, which I find manipulative so don't bother to write anything as I know it will soundnegative
I'm going to start using hide thread for ones that like that because I reply like it's a genuine concern but by 3 pages in and the OP comes back shouting to other posters 'but who is everyone being mean', I just get exasperated and end up saying people have answered your question. Others have been less than helpful and latched onto small details but they are irrelevant details that you clearly added to get a reaction. But then you knew it would create a bun fight so well done.
I need to hide threads before that point because it reminds me of being at work: Child stirs up friendship drama, drama happens but it backfires, child comes to teacher saying all the other children are being nasty.

mummmy2017 · 26/07/2017 07:38

I do laugh about the ones who go one the attack, as you can see them doing it again and again on different posts.

NormaSmuff · 26/07/2017 07:42

it used to be AIBU that was full of nasty keyboard warriors, now it is chat as well. no wonder there are specific topics to go to

people are braver behind a computer

Wishfulmakeupping · 26/07/2017 07:44

Agreed but as others have said that is life- I do think some posters depends on the mood you catch them had one poster who's been incredibly rude to me before and nice as pie other times.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/07/2017 07:45

There are some posters who just like to be as blunt as possible and don't give a rat's arse how they come across, the 'I tell it like it is' mentalityConfused.

Others just like the opportunity to stick the boot in and lash out with name calling, nasty twats with nothing intelligent or reasonable to offer .

NormaSmuff · 26/07/2017 08:26

it is them that are the problem op.
they are frankly sad bullies who hide behind the computer/keyboard

LovelyBath77 · 26/07/2017 08:36

Sometimes, new people don;t realise that some areas are pretty bad, though and go ahead with quite a sensitive type post. That can be hard, as sometimes the replies can be pretty horrible, or nit picking about some small mistake when the overall problem is missed. Maybe they should put some kind of warning!

MrsWhirly · 26/07/2017 08:39

What I hate most are those who think they're detectives, and their job is to interrogate the poster on every detail of their post. Then to ignore the issue/dilemma raised and become obsessed with an insignificant fact that 'clearly is the posters fault/only have themselves to blame' Bitches.

sunshineandrainbowsparkles · 26/07/2017 08:41

Sometimes I think it's cruel to be kind, if everybody sugarcoated everything I don't think I could cope. Sometimes you need telling you're out of order.

MrsWhirly · 26/07/2017 08:53

I agree with being honest, being cruel to be kind- but a lot of the time, that is that what is going on here.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 09:11

I agree with maisy

I am however an exception on here as virtually always i am polite and careful with my words on this forum

I am much blunter in real life

I think its partly because its harder to read emotion in a post and its incredibly easy to use the wrong phrasing and upset someone

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