To think some things don't need to be said...

[accidentalgrownup]

Just found out second DC is a boy so went round to FILs house with DD (3) and told her to tell him.

His reaction was... 'ooh we're getting one with a willy!' DD started repeating the word willy over & over... I was a bit shocked so said something along the lines of 'don't say that silly' when he piped up with 'well what do you call it? A tail?'

AIBU when I say that it was completely unnecessary? There's not much point telling DH as he'll just say that's the way his DF is.

He also asked DD if she'd had her boobies out when we'd been on holiday recently. I'm not a complete prude (I don't think)? But people saying things like this to a 3YO really make me uncomfortable.

He sounds awful! What kind of way is that to talk to a child? I would wonder whether he was suffering from some brain injury or dementia or something.

OMG he asked her that ?
I'd be having words . If she went to nursery and repeated the boob thing .......bloody hell , how totally inappropriate

Sounds awful. I would feel very uncomfortable and would not like to be alone with him. Certainly don't leave dc with him is my advice. Sounds creepy to me

I'd not be very bothered about the willy comment, but asking her about boobies is really awful and inappropriate.

Yanbu. Unnecessary reference to genitalia is immature at best and sinister at worse.
Small children love "willy" and "bum" talk don't they so thats kind of to be expected, but if you don't want him to encourage that then he should be respectful. Is he a very immature man?

And that comment about a 3 year old having her boobies out is fucking grim. I wouldn't want my DC being asked that at 3 or any other age.

Congratulations on your little boy, by the way

Willy, fine. Wouldn't have an issue with that being repeated

The boobie thing is weird

He sounds very inappropriate and quite creepy!

the willy thing is forgivable but the booby thing is fricking creepy. I would definitely have words. CHILDREN DO NOT HAVE BOOBIES.

Awful comments in front of a 3 year old. Is that really all he could say to welcome news of your impending birth! So inappropriate to just talk about body parts .................sounds like a caveman.

I just don't think he sees anything wrong with it... if it was anything sinister he wouldn't ask her in front of me would he?

He might be testing your reaction, OP. ☹

The willy comment was stupid, but the "boobies out" comment is just FUCKING CREEPY. Who on earth even thinks to say that to a tiny little girl?! I wouldn't want my kids anywhere near that creepy old man.

Perhaps he has senile dementia? It does cause people to blurt out inappropriate things?
I wouldn't give his remarks any sort of reaction. If you ignore them he might stop.

You could tell him you're concerned about how it will sound if she does repeat it to staff at nursery "Grandad always asks about my boobies" for instance...

The willy comment wouldn't bother me, I mean boys do have Willys and with children the novelty of a new word soon wears off.

The boob comment is a bit and I feel inappropriate

Well a lot fewer visits to Grandad I think.

That's just the way he is? Well, crikey, just so happens that not wanting your kids having creepy shit said to them is just the way you are.

Tell your DH very bluntly that the next time his dad makes a sexualised comment to your child then that will be the last time he sees her.

I guess that's why I posted here... if I mentioned it to my DM or friends in RL I bet their reaction would be similar.

I'd hate to think of her not only repeating it but also thinking it's ok to ask people questions like that.

He's only 54 although I know dementia can start early he doesn't show any other typical signs of it.

I'll have a chat to DH, luckily he's the opposite of his dad & would never dream of saying anything remotely sexual in front of any child.

My step grandfather was like that,by the time we were we in puberty he was groping our bums and trying to get us to sit on his knee,mum would brush it off as normal things an old man did...but we knew to not to be on our own in a room with him,

Congratulations on your new baby.x
54!!! FGS. I thought he was an Octogenarian! which might be some excuse.
I agree with the other poster. He was indeed testing your reaction and trying to engage you in the conversation in front of your daughter by asking what you would call it - thereby normalising the topic.
Maybe that was an innocent one off but combined with the "boobies" comment I think his conversation is inappropriate.
Don't let anyone water it down and say you are over reacting.
You don't want your children to have to deal with this kind of inappropriate talk from a close family member. Would a work colleague, a neighbour or a teacher talk to her like that? He's lost trust.
Also, what a crap way to welcome the announcement of new baby BTW.

"If it was anything sinister he wouldn't ask her in front of me would he?"

Um, yes. So it is normalised.

I remember my (now ex) step mum and her DP. My sister was 10 and had pyjamas on and was leaning over and you could see right down. Step mums DP turned to step mum and said "blimey, she can do that when she is 16." Step mum said nothing, didn't even acknowledge it as such. I was hyper aware as I was 15 and he was abusing me. Turned out later he had a thing for teenagers. They say this stuff so people say "oh that's Fred, that's just what he's like" it's not ok at all. The willy thing would have bothered me too, why does it even need to be referenced fgs! It just doesn't.

So now I'm worrying, is there anything else I should be looking out for? I'd never forgive myself if I missed something dodgy going on.

If he says anything similar again do I tell my DD it's wrong? In front of him or after? She's 3 FGS it makes me feel sick.

Thanks for all the congrats btw x

Just call him out on it and tell him you don't like that type of talk near your child. His reaction to what you say will give you some clues

Tell him if she mentions any of that stuff at nursery he will have the social workers after him. Frighten him. The horrible man.

The boobies thing is disgusting. I would have been so angry.

Never leave her alone with him...creep saying that to a 3 year old. Go with your mum instinct