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Severely pissed off at dp

32 replies

RumbleMcSkirmish · 25/07/2017 17:10

So today my son was being difficult about going out, as he always is, and my dp got in a mood with him, shouted "fuck it, I'm done!" And stormed off and slammed the door. He then proceeded to lie on the bed crying. Now, I'm a stay at home mum right now, and I deal with this behaviour a lot from my son. He's 4, he was delayed on his speech and it had geld him back a bit, he's pretty much caught up now, but seems to be going through a bit of a phase of frustration and tantrums . I have a shit time getting him to do anything at the mo, he doesn't listen to me. He's so stubborn as well. So I find taking him out difficult, Getting him dressed difficult, teeth, bath, etc. Everything. He also constantly goes "mum mum mum mum mum mum mum " all day long (I know it'll pass). When I get frustrated my dp just waves it off as "4 year old being a 4 year old." But he doesn't have to deal with it all the time. I keep telling him I get this all the time but he doesn't really seem to understand. When hrs home he can barely stand 5 minutes of it before getting in a strop. So when it kicked off today I gently reminded him that I deal with this every day, and he starts whining that I'm trying to pick an argument etc.

He's always complaining he doesn't have enough down time. When he's home he literally just sits on his arse all day doing nothing. He does no cleaning, cooking. He barely helps me out with son. I do it all. And he has the audacity to complain if I didn't wash the right t shirt or whatever. He works shifts and long hours (which he gets up at 5am for, and who has to get up too to make his lunch and iron his uniform? Me. I suggested he do it the night before but turns around with the excuse that he'll need help getting ready, wants a cup of tea, son will only get up because we are. Son only gets up because he's so loud), so I don't mind having to do most things then, but when he's home it just pisses me off. To top it all off he's always complaining about work. With no real reason. Also when hes home he'll "nip out quick " and will be gone hours. Even if it means it'll be passed dinner time when he gets back.

He just constantly complains, and I've had enough :( if I try and bring up what's bothering me he gets his knickers in a twist and cries going, "oh I'm a shit dad/partner" some days he'll just nit pick every single thing I do.

Sorry for the long post. I'm just tired, have s pounding headache, stressed, and just wanting a rant. And tbh there's a lot more to it, I just can't think straight right now

OP posts:
FanwankTheAbsurd · 25/07/2017 17:13

And what exactly are you getting out of this relationship???

Notreallyarsed · 25/07/2017 17:13

He sounds like an overgrown manchild OP, and very emotionally manipulative to boot. We have 3 kids (all with autism) and it's hard going some days. DP would never moan about washing/housework or sit on his arse on his very rare days off, let alone lose his shit with a little kid.
What do you get out of the relationship?

ChickenBhuna · 25/07/2017 17:15

He does indeed sound like a shit dad and partner. I'm sorry you've had to tolerate this behaviour from him.

Do you want to be with him anymore or does life sound simpler without him?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 25/07/2017 17:16

Why the heck does an adult need help to get ready?

ChickenBhuna · 25/07/2017 17:17

Also FWIW OP , I had a dh like this. He's now an exdh.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 25/07/2017 17:20

Tell him you are having a week off doing his bits (cooking, washing etc) and he'll soon realise how much you do.

My DP moaned about dinner a few years back. It was constant. I got him microwave meals and he soon shut up about it!

Storminateapot · 25/07/2017 17:20

Are you saying your DP lay on the bed crying? Wtaf?! He needs help getting ready for work and can't make himself a butty and a brew in a morning? What kind of manchild is this?!

He needs to man up!

Hotwaterbottle1 · 25/07/2017 17:22

I cannot get past you getting up to iron his uniform & make lunch. Honestly just stop right now, that's crazy!!

early30smum · 25/07/2017 17:22

Sounds awful, I really feel for you. Also your son getting up at 5 each day is probably not helping his behaviour.

Fishface77 · 25/07/2017 17:24

Well he's a fucking useless cunt isn't he!
I suggest you would feel better if you got rid of him!

MorrisZapp · 25/07/2017 17:25

Why are you personal care to an adult? Presumably your dh fed and clothed himself adequately before you came along.

RumbleMcSkirmish · 25/07/2017 17:25

To be completely honest, if I had a way out, I would. But I've got nowhere to go. I've got no friends, and the only family I have lives in Japan and the other in Denmark. Last I checked I had about 30p in the bank.

Yep. He acts like a manchild. Usually he's an excellent dad, I'm not sure what happened today. But he is a shit partner.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 25/07/2017 17:28

Can you go to the CAB for advice re housing/benefits/work (delete as needed) to see if there's any way out? I'm gutted for you OP.

MissBax · 25/07/2017 17:29

It sounds like he could be a bit depressed - doesn't do anything other than sit around / gets easily frustrated. I might be cutting him unnecessary slack here but could that be a possibility? Or is he just a spoilt bell end?

Queenioqueenio · 25/07/2017 17:33

Needs help in getting ready? Wtaf?? How old is he?
No way, stop that immediately OP. If he can't make himself a brew & a sandwich it's a poor show.

ohamIreally · 25/07/2017 17:36

I think the best thing would be to put an end to your SAHM days, get a job and put your son in nursery. You will have a break from the tantrums, start getting some financial independence and you might make friends amongst your new colleagues. Then you can kick the useless manchild to the kerb.

ColossalKalamari · 25/07/2017 17:39

He doesn't sound like an excellent dad

FizzyGreenWater · 25/07/2017 17:52

No, he isn't an excellent dad! You spelled that out quite clearly - he can't engage with your son on his level for more than 5 minutes without losing his rag - you think your son doesn't see that? He doesn't understand the developmental stage he is at, he has no patience, he has no interest, he couldn't care less about contributing to the tasks at home in order to support his family and make for harmony. He wakes him up when he leaves for work because he doesn't give one shiny shit about making allowances and actually BEING THE DAD OF A FOUR YEAR OLD.

He is really, really NOT an excellent dad. Moments of swinging him up in the air and laughing with him or playing for five minutes with cars when it suits him, or playing bathtime knowing that you'll wash and dry the towels and lay out the pyjamas - that isn't what it's about. Cotton on to that quickly, and leave this twat.

steff13 · 25/07/2017 17:52

Your partner was laying on the bed crying? That's odd behavior.

Is he your son's father?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/07/2017 17:54

Fuck that for a joke.

Getting up a couple of hours before you need to, to help another (nt) adult get ready for work is nuts. He should be getting things ready the night before & moving around like a mouse in the morning so he doesn't wake you or DS up. My friend's DH is an utter twat, but even that fuck wit manages that much.

No wonder your DS is a bit of a handful, being woken up every morning. I bet he would be a different child not living with this numb nuts, because I guarantee this is the tip of iceberg.

A man who treats his partner badly, sits on his arse being waited on, insists he needs help gett Jung ready for work & doesn't do a single thing around the house is NOT a 'good dad'. Then there's the fact he loses his rag with DS...(is he his child?)

There's always a way out if you want it. We are fortunate enough (presuming you're in the UK) to live in a country which has social welfare, it might not be fabulous, but it's enough for you to not to have to put up with an awful partner. Go to the CAB, look at the online calculators & look for part time jobs for when DS is at school.

Life will be infinitely better on your own than with this bellend.

luckylucky24 · 25/07/2017 17:58

Wow, just wow.

My DH is far from perfect but when he was working shifts and getting up at 5am I never heard him get up and he didn't disturb ds. I would wake with my own alarm to find him gone.
The crying is him manipulating him you.

EezerGoode · 25/07/2017 18:13

You should be pissed of at yourself for getting up to iron his shirts..that is just madness...he is taking advantage of you..

drspouse · 25/07/2017 18:14

My DH gets up at 6 to catch an early train. Rarely does he wake any of us up, and he makes sure his clothes are in the bathroom if he needs them to be.

I will however put my hand up to putting myself in time out once or twice when I am too overwhelmed with house/DCs/stuff.

MissionItsPossible · 25/07/2017 18:29

He manages to keep a job with long hour shifts yet NEEDS you to make a cup of tea and help him get ready? Hmm He is selfish and like an overgrown child.

Was it your child that was on the bed crying or your husband? I first read it that he was the one that was crying but now I'm not sure if you meant your child. Ridiculous reaction if it was your partner. Your poor boy's reaction if it was him.

RumbleMcSkirmish · 25/07/2017 18:39

Will catch up to reply later, got a vomiting child.

But to answer s few I skimmed by, he hasn't always been like this. Maybe 3-4 weeks. So I wonder if something else is going on. The cleaning he's always been bad with, he can be a bit of a hoarder. He did used to share the cooking and dishes though. I think the 5am thing is down to bad time keeping, which I tell him frequently I'm not happy about. As he has an hours walk to work (we have no car and buses don't run so early here), so I cut him a little slack. But other days I refuse to do it. He works 13 hour shifts so the early starts aren't every day, thank god.

I did have a massive go at him about swearing at ds. He is his son. As I said this behaviour of doing feck all has only been the last 3-4 weeks, but it still isn't an excuse.

Son starts school in September and I will be finding a job. Will be having a talk with dp as I'm simply not happy.

OP posts:
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