To think it's not on to charge your own family??

[ethelfleda]

I posted a free weeks back about helping my grandmother take someone to court for ripping her off to the tune of nearly £5k to fit a boiler. I picked her up today to go through the process online and discuss how we will proceed etc.

I told her that if she needs to attend court that I will take time off work and take her. She is nearly 90 and doesn't find these things easy anymore!! She was very grateful and said she would pay me for my time. I said I absolutely didn't expect her to pay me for helping her as she is family and you help family because you can and should.

I was then horrified to learn that more than one member of my family (a cousin, an uncle and my own father) have, in the past, charged her to do handy work around the house. Jobs ranging from putting up some shelving to tiling a kitchen/bathroom amongst others. And this isn't just her paying for the materials... She has paid them for their actual labour!!

AIBU to think that it is not on to charge your own family to do jobs around the house for them?? Especially when they are elderly and are no longer able to do things for themselves? She has asked me not to say anything to them and said she will pay professionals in future. But I am really disappointed for her!!

I think it's bloody tight.

DH does stuff when needed for his mother and my mother, both related to his trade (although he's management now so not 'on the tools' anymore), and general odd job stuff. He fits them in at the weekends and wouldn't dream of taking money off them.

Even if he was working full time as a tradesperson, he'd still just do the job in the evening or weekends so he wasn't losing paid work.

Sorry, but I would expect to pay a family member for something like tiling. It's skilled work and can take time to do it right, even if it's a small job. I'd be embarrassed not to pay something, but I'm weird like that.

Sorry, but you just don't charge your family - I agree! Materials, yes. Labour, no.

I tutored my nephew and didn't even think of charging my brother and SIL! Sometimes money for petrol gets foisted upon you by elderly relatives, but I rarely take it (unless they force me!)

I don't get the "well some people can't afford to do it" - well don't do the favour then. The whole point is you do it in your spare time, so you'd be sat around doing nothing anyway!

Tiling is skilled work, but the OP's father who did the tiling isn't a tiler. So he's charging his own mother for a bit of amateur DIY.

Exactly! It would be like my DP charging my mum for when he fit a new aerial for her on the outside of her house. He isn't a professional aerial installer, he just owns some ladders and we live down the road.

OP's dad is taking advantage for sure.

It depends a lot on what they do for a living. There have been threads on here about lawyers who were fielding calls for legal advice from their extended family who expected that, just because they were family, they should get free advice. Or tradies, who had their family thinking that because they were family, they'd do hours and hours of labor for free. Etc.

If you're a banker, and you go over and change Granny's lightbulb or clean out her gutter, then no, you shouldn't charge her. If you're a lawyer and you're helping Granny through a legal process, then I think yes, you should - at a discounted rate, but your work doesn't stop being legitimate work just because it's for family.

The problem is there are a lot of mick takers, on both sides of this kind of thing.

My husband is plasterer by trade, if he's spending a day plastering a family members room, that's a day he's missing out on being paid by someone to work for then. We just can't afford to do that.

faithinthesound I completely agree with everything you said

Agree it depends on how often grannie needs jobs doing, how big the jobs are and how much free time the relatives have. I have no desire to spend my free time doing lots of jobs for relatives, and would find it frustrating if I was a tiler or joiner and expected to do so. There is only so much time in a day so if you're not doing other work because you are doing work for grannie it's fair enough to be paid for it as long as you aren't overcharging and do a good job. The alternative with skilled jobs like tiling is to help her find an outside trades person. If you would expect grannie to pay for the outside tradesperson and not have the younger relative pay then I don't see paying them as different.

Ethel I am like you. I found out that BIL was charging disabled PIL to do gardening and a bit of decorating.

He did not need the money - he is a cocklodger of the highest order and lives off his wife. The part that infuriated me was that he constantly portrayed himself as a alruistic, peaceful, spiritual hippy type. He presented these jobs to the siblings and IL as favours he was happy to do because he was so kind and zen. He was so humble about helping wherever he could, Man...

The fuck he was. He was a tight fisted, sneaky, lazy arsehole. PIL let it slip that he charged professional level fees despite not even being qualified to take a shit. He refused to split the bill for the PIL when we went out for a meal too. We paid it all. He used to walk around chanting spiritual mantras. And he told me I shouldn't have had my child diagnosed with autism. I should just love and accept them more. What a cunt.

Oh I feel so pissed off just thinking about him!

I'm not surprised pugontoast he sounds like an utter arsehole!!