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I'm being massively ungrateful but...

31 replies

inksplot · 24/07/2017 17:48

OK long story short I am a single Mum following divorce, low income despite working. I suffer from awful anxiety but haven't been given treatment because I have a B12 condition and they have always linked it to that and I have b12 injections.

My parents are now comfortably off after years of struggling and because Dad won't travel my Mum pays for me and the kids to come so she has someone to come with. I'm massively grateful as we wouldn't get a holiday otherwise.

Initially we went abroad then my anxiety became so bad that I couldn't do the journey and it ruined my entire holiday so we started to do the Channel Islands. This was better but still bad. Coming back last year I had a massive panic attack on the plane. Seriously if I could have clawed my way off I would have.
I vowed not to fly until I had my anxiety under control.

However fast forward to this year and my Mum really wanted to go to our favourite place in Europe. She has been really unwell and is aware it could be the last time she is well enough to go so I felt I couldn't say no.

However I am now really suffering. I have been having panic attacks for weeks. I now have to stir the hornets nest with the children's father for permission to go who they don't see but it's still not a good thing.
I feel awful but honestly at the moment I cannot imagine how I can even get on the plane.

Aibu to consider backing out, I know they will lose money but I'm really struggling. :(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 24/07/2017 17:49

Have you ever seen a doctor about this? Beta blockers are very good at stopping that fight/flight feeling.

LittleBooInABox · 24/07/2017 17:50

Go back to your GP and insist on medication. It helped me get mine under control, 6 months I was housebound because of my issues.

Hugs Op

SeaCabbage · 24/07/2017 17:50

Why do you need the dad's permission if they never see him? How would he know for one?

Obvious question, but could the others fly and you get the train?

Queenioqueenio · 24/07/2017 17:51

What will help you? Try to focus on and arranging it, rather than thinking you are ungrateful (which you aren't).

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 24/07/2017 17:52

Another vote for beta blockers here - propanolol is marvellous stuff. Non habit forming too, so don't worry on that score.

FeckinCrutches · 24/07/2017 17:53

Get some diazepam. Why can't you get the train?

MatildaTheCat · 24/07/2017 17:53

Please see your gp ASAP. It's quite possible to have anxiety plus your other condition. Anxiety can, as you know be crippling but is treatable. When is the trip and will you be likely to cope when actually there? If it's just the flying I'm sure you can be prescribed some medication to help. And in the meantime have a look at mindfulness apps and CBT techniques, they do actually help if you can work at it.

Hope it works out for you.

FeckinCrutches · 24/07/2017 17:54

If the father doesn't see them how will he know you are on holiday?

TheWaif · 24/07/2017 17:59

Have you been to the doctor about it? I have been having AWFUL travel anxiety and I really recommend CBT. I've only had a couple of sessions and I'm feeling much better about it already. I'm also taking citalopram which is helping too.

inksplot · 24/07/2017 18:00

Those asking about their father. Things have got stricter recently in some places in regards to permission when travelling. Especially if the children have a different name and they do. I have been stopped once entering a country, once trying to leave a country and asked where their father is.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 24/07/2017 18:01

Is it the flight alone that is the issue or the whole staying away? If it is the flight, take some valium and let it wash over you, make sure your mum keeps an eye on you and the kids.

inksplot · 24/07/2017 18:02

I cannot get the train as it is one of the Islands however I would have been happy to get the coach and boats but it would have been too much for my Mum.

OP posts:
Funnyblastard · 24/07/2017 18:02

Nothing to add really but if kids have fathers surname and not op's border control might question it, ask for the permission, if she doesn't have it it can open up a whole can of worms including being charged for child abduction. Yes ridiculous as it seems, this is the law and consequences. Would suggest to op about a coping strategy, if she really doesn't want/cant have medication. But failing that I don't think you would be unreasonable to pull out

KimmySchmidt1 · 24/07/2017 18:04

what is the point in going through life not fixing this when you can fix it?

as others have said, there is plenty of medication for anxiety, and something like travelling is just the sort of (frankly totally irrational) anxiety that the medication will help you with.

the other option is therapy but it takes a very long time and is very expensive, and most people do that in conjunction with anxiety medication anyway.

inksplot · 24/07/2017 18:06

I don't even know swing. I suffer from anxiety constantly and once I have sorted one issue another one takes over in my mind.

I don't mind being away from home, it's the whole effort of getting to the airport, getting through security, getting on the plane, the flight and getting to resort and through passport control and then having to do this in reverse to come back. So it takes me two days to wind down and get past it all and then mid week I start to panic about doing it all to get home.

It consumes my whole holiday.

OP posts:
inksplot · 24/07/2017 18:08

I'm happy to take medication they just keep telling me I have anxiety because of my b12 and my injections will help.

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 24/07/2017 18:08

Go to your doctors and explain the situation. I have diazepam prescribed whenever I fly, as I have a real phobia of flying and suffer panic attacks and anxiety too

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 24/07/2017 18:11

Are you on medication? Sorry if I've missed it in your posts.

I suffered alone for years because of fear. When I finally broke and went to the doctor, it was the best thing I've ever done. He was totally non-judgemental, sympathetic, didn't ask scary questions, and within a few weeks of citalopram I was only experiencing normal levels of worry most days.

You'd have to pry the pills out of my cold, dead, chilled-out fingers now. :)

sodablackcurrant · 24/07/2017 18:29

Escitalopram. Next generation Citalopram with few of the original's side effects.

Wonder drug. Ask for it and keep taking it.

Alexkate2468 · 24/07/2017 18:37

CBT is amazing if you are willing to really, really work at it. It's a long term thing and it works slowly but for me has been a total game changer. You say that s soon s one issue is dealt with another takes over. If you change your thinking, you can break this cycle. I took beta blockers and amitriptyline for a while but no longer need these. I've made changes to my diet and built a schedule of regular exercise and for the first time on years I've had a really extended period of feeling well. It's really possible if you work hard at it. Flowers

Squirmy65ghyg · 24/07/2017 18:43

Does he have any contact with them?

Am getting ex h parental rights removed by the court. DC have a different name, I will take their birth certificate on holiday and if immigration stop us they can ask DC where their father is (they have no father, no memory of him.)

I wouldn't ask if he doesn't see them and just take supporting documentation.

inksplot · 24/07/2017 19:28

No he's not seen them in at least seven years. His own choice.

OP posts:
FeckinCrutches · 24/07/2017 19:52

Just take their birth certificates? There is no reason to get in contact with him.

Fruitcorner123 · 24/07/2017 19:56

You need to go back and tell them the injections are not working. This is preventing you from enjoying your life. Don't let them talk you out of medication which will potentially change our life. It's worth a try surely? If you miss this possible last holiday with your mum you may well live to regret it.

EssieTregowan · 24/07/2017 19:57

If you have residency you can take the children out of the country for up to 28 days without any permission.

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