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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law not invited to the wedding.

48 replies

BobsyourUncle23 · 24/07/2017 17:06

Hi guys I'm actually just after some information. My partners mother is abusive control freak. She always gets on my nerves and in past few months with cut her out completly. Long story short she tried to control me, my DS from previous relationship, my home and my DP. We've had enough. She has been sending me death threats, harrasing both of us. My partner doesnt want any contact with her what so ever. We blocked her everywhere possible. She visited my house several times which ended up me contacting the police and escorting her away. She knows my DP walks home from work amd waits for him every week nearby and attacks him verbally trying to make him go see her, he aleays refuses and she ends up screaming at him in the middle of the street. In three weeks time me and my DP are getting married and she has stated before that she will ruin our wedding. I am so worried she will turn up and do something stupid as she is unpredictable we both think she might some sort of problems but she will not admit it and she will not get herself sorted with the counsellor. What should I do I really don't know what to do at the moment? I don't want her to ruin our perfect day and I know she would definitely do that. Should I contact The Police? Any advice guys please Sad

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 24/07/2017 17:08

Big burly doorman. . .
That's what you need.

A friend's dh /db perhaps?

ElleDubloo · 24/07/2017 17:09

Does she know the date, time and venue? Police would be overkill IMO. Better to have a quiet word with your ushers and assign a couple of them to watch out for her. Should she turn up, they can quietly escort her away without making a scene.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 24/07/2017 17:10

Police. And she needs a harassment warning ASAP.

LoniceraJaponica · 24/07/2017 17:10

I agree that hiring a bouncer might be the way to go. Do the police know about the death threats?

Original poster
BobsyourUncle23 · 24/07/2017 17:12

I thought of that before but she really is unpredictable, i don't want any of my friends or family getting hurt. We suspect she might have real problems but we have tried organising a visit with counsellor, she laughed in our faces. She did say she will make sure i mever get pregnant, or if i do she will kill the baby. Thats how bad it is.

OP posts:
sourgrapes28 · 24/07/2017 17:13

Second the suggestion of a doorman. Must be somewhere that hires them out. It will be an extra expense but think of it as buying peace of mind for the day.

Donttouchthethings · 24/07/2017 17:14

I would have a chat to the police about the death threats and ask their advice.
I think I would hire some burly security man for the door.
Or, if insurance/finances allow, I would cancel the wedding and elope.

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 24/07/2017 17:16

If any of the threats are in writing, take them to the police so there is a record.

Def need some kind of security/hired help on the door to deter her from any access to your wedding.

Good luck and hope you enjoy your special day Flowers

LoniceraJaponica · 24/07/2017 17:16

"She did say she will make sure i mever get pregnant, or if i do she will kill the baby."

Can you take out a court injunction against her to prevent her going near your home? If she breaks this the law might take a firmer stance against her.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 24/07/2017 17:16

If she's making threats to kill - even a baby that hasn't been conceived yet - I would have a word with the police. That level of threat has to be taken seriously.

Does she have a history of mental health issues? It does seem rather extreme.

Otherwise is anyone in your wedding in contact with her? Would she get the details from them?

EsmeeMerlin · 24/07/2017 17:17

God if she is making that many threats against you, you should contact the police. Have you got evidence? Messages etc? All would help.

sourgrapes28 · 24/07/2017 17:18

Get a friend who would be willing to kick the shit out of her remove her from the area then I would phone the police.

AnnetteCurtains · 24/07/2017 17:19

Jesus , call the police !

Pengggwn · 24/07/2017 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BobsyourUncle23 · 24/07/2017 17:20

She knows the venue date and time unfortunately. The police knows about the death threats I told them everything but it seems to them as she's just an desperate lady. When she turned up at my house once banging on the door I called the police and when they came she ran off. Another time she came again it was evening and I was home alone she would not leave as I told her to leave so I phoned the police and they came, so she burst out in tears making out as I am keeping her son prisoner making up all sorts of stories, and my partner just came home from work and they met on the street outside my house and he did tell them that she has problems. They simply said they will arrest her if she comes near my house again. I asked if i can fill in harassment thing at the station but they wasnt too keen on that. I will look for the local agencies that hire bouncers i think thats my only option.

OP posts:
wherearemymarbles · 24/07/2017 17:24

Slip a dozen or so sleeping pills in her G&T

Job done Smile
Sounds horrible though!

LoniceraJaponica · 24/07/2017 17:24

If you are getting married in church you won't be able to prevent her from entering the church during the ceremony. If this is the case I would pre-warn the vicar.

If you are getting married elsewhere a bouncer is the way to go. Again, it might be an idea to pre-warn the registrar.

MimsyFluff · 24/07/2017 17:24

Been there hot the fucking t-shirt! Call 101 inform them about the harassment and death threats. Hire a bouncer (contact some pubs) let him know to call the police if she turns up.

My wedding was ruined by SIL and MIL I can't even look at the pictures the not in any our wedding anniversary isn't really celebrated but our marriage is lovely.

MimsyFluff · 24/07/2017 17:26

Their not in any

Justhadmyhaircut · 24/07/2017 17:26

As someone who had her dh specifically uninvite his dm I feel your pain. .
My dh is 6'4 and full of power (18 stone) if you want him there to facilitate the day. .

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 24/07/2017 17:28

Can you get video evidence next time she does something. I can't believe your police are being so blasé about this.

Second getting a bouncer. Definitely the way to go.

Do the rest of your family know the situation? Just wondering if she might have some sympathisers coming to the wedding....always good to think ahead as to who might actually try to help her

krustykittens · 24/07/2017 17:29

Pay for two bouncers. Yes, it is an added cost but it will give you peace of mind. You have my sympathies OP, she sounds awful. x

Original poster
BobsyourUncle23 · 24/07/2017 17:32

I will give 101 a call, i know a guy who works as a bouncer at the club i will ask if he could help out. We are getting married at registry office i will give them a call too. It is really horrible especially for my DP as it his mother, saying that my father is not invited either but we never been close and he is just not in my life anymore.

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 24/07/2017 17:34

Yes, two security people, one male, one female.

EggysMom · 24/07/2017 17:36

Apologies if this is a silly suggestion but I don't know how these things work - could you ask the Register Office for an earlier time slot, maybe an hour before, so that you get married before she arrives? One hour possibly wouldn't inconvenience your other guests too much, nor would it mean much rearrangement of the day's plans. But I don't know if ROs have that flexibility.