Mother in law not invited to the wedding.

[BobsyourUncle23]

Hi guys I'm actually just after some information. My partners mother is abusive control freak. She always gets on my nerves and in past few months with cut her out completly. Long story short she tried to control me, my DS from previous relationship, my home and my DP. We've had enough. She has been sending me death threats, harrasing both of us. My partner doesnt want any contact with her what so ever. We blocked her everywhere possible. She visited my house several times which ended up me contacting the police and escorting her away. She knows my DP walks home from work amd waits for him every week nearby and attacks him verbally trying to make him go see her, he aleays refuses and she ends up screaming at him in the middle of the street. In three weeks time me and my DP are getting married and she has stated before that she will ruin our wedding. I am so worried she will turn up and do something stupid as she is unpredictable we both think she might some sort of problems but she will not admit it and she will not get herself sorted with the counsellor. What should I do I really don't know what to do at the moment? I don't want her to ruin our perfect day and I know she would definitely do that. Should I contact The Police? Any advice guys please

I agree to trying to change the time, though I'm skeptical about the possibility of that - most Registry Offices seem to be really booked up.

I think a security presence is a good idea.

But I also think that you and your DP need to be strong enough to say that if she does show up, you're not going to let it ruin your day. She'll only be embarrassing herself in front of all your friends and family. It won't reflect badly on you, only on her. There is absolutely no such thing as "the perfect wedding day" - something will go wrong. Roll with the punches.

I know it's soon but would it at all be an option to change the date/time/venue???

Venue might be easier if guests are travelling. Would it be worth seeing if there is a slot which works in another fairly local registry office? Can that be done? (I have no idea!)

Or, could they move the time, preferably to a good two hours before your original slot?

And yes, look into getting an injunction, and with those kind of threats I would take it as far as I could go - I'd be happy to see her in court and fined, or more!!

Have her think that the event is somewhere complete different to where it actually is so she'll go there (have everyone in on it i.e the guests!) would that work? That way she may turn up at a different venue & miss the service! The actual party you could hire doormen or get a group of big blokes to carry her out if she arrives 😂She sounds like a nightmare btw!

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

Thank you guys dor your help. I am going to hire a bouncers for the day

If you are getting married in church you won't be able to prevent her from entering the church during the ceremony. If this is the case I would pre-warn the vicar.

This is true of any legal marriage ceremony.

Hi Bob, my grandfather passed away recently and because of an incredibly difficult and bitter family dispute, we ended up having have security at the funeral. They were great and very discreet.
Anyway, try to write a log of all the incidents and what happened/was said at each one then go back to the police, with your partner, and INSIST they issue a Harassment Warning. If she then continues, they can press charges more easily. This could be a good thing as the court can ask for pre-sentencing reports including medical and social work and it does sound as if your MIL has some problems.
You need to ensure that your security are licensed with a Close Protection License.
I hope this helps.
Bob, where in the country are you? I may be able to steer you in the direction of a reputable company.

You might want to think about contacting your supplies - flowers, cars, dresses, caterers etc to make sure that they are still all in place (she might have tried to cancel them) and ask them to agree some sort of password so they know it's you ringing- just in case of a last minute call from "you" to cancel things.

Not entirely correct there Rugby, any security staff need to have an SIA licence, which covers Security Guard / Door Supervisor AND a Close Protection Operative. SIL runs a security company in Central London, if you're anywhere near there OP

No you cant rock up to any old wedding you fancy and observe ; you can have a closed service. Otherwise I'd have been at Pippa Middletons Seriously though, I wish people wouldn't keep circulating urban myth as fact.

Poor you. Have you kept a log of her threats and your contact with police? Is it worth your husband contacting the police with his concerns, she being his mother?

Definitely let the vicar, registrar and whatever know. Ask them if they're happy with bouncers. Then go ahead and get licensed ones - and liaise with the police. Where would she be taken to keep her safe if she does turn up? where could she be kept so she doesn't turn up again at your reception?

You cannot keep anyone out of a church, btw. Church weddings are open to all, not just invitees.

Whywontthey - I kind of took it as read that the person/s hired would have SIA.
ProSec is another good company.

Elope

Make sure you speak to the registra before hand as they are obliged to investigate any claims if anyone objects during the ceremony and they will not continue.
Could you possibly marry a day or so before hand so that the wedding can take place and see if they will do a type of renewal or blessing on the day so the MIL can't ruin your day.

Go to the police station tell them you want them to issue her with a PIN (Police Information Notice). Uniformed cops will then have to go to her address and issue her with it.

They will explain that she is not to contact you in anyway, whether in person, phone, mail or social media or she will be arrested. They will ask her to sign the notice, but it makes not one jot of difference whether she does or not.

Could you talk to the venue and registry office and move the date by a couple of days? Would other people tell her if you did this?

Also I would talk to CAB about getting an injunction if it continues. You shouldn't have to face constant abuse.

I second the suggestion of giving passwords to your suppliers.

Bobs, I work in the security industry as a bouncer, if you message me your location I can look for some security companies in your area and ask around some security groups online, it would also be a good idea if the security involved had a bodycam as well just to cover themselves if mil rocked up and kicked off.

Anyone with a ds (door supervisor) or cp (close protection) license would be able to assist, the rate for a ds is approx. £10 ph.

Hope everything goes well.

Does your DP have any relatives he does like who can be in charge of gagging and discreetly moving her from the premises?

I second what stiffstink said - definitely have a quick ring round to check all still in place as anyone with malicious intent who knew date/time/venue could in theory sabotage arrangements so passwords a great idea! Hopefully she'll stay away but even if she doesn't, everybody else there is thinking of you and your DP and wishing you well. Hope you have a lovely day x

You need two big lads with SIA badges (who have done nightclub door work, not the fella who sits behind the desk at Morrisons.) Google local security firms, the boss will be more than happy to facilitate.