To be fed up with my mothers strange eating habits?

[ohforfsake]

Bear with me, this may end up turning into a rant! For as long as I can remember my dm has lived on chips or some variation of wedges with a variation of mushy peas and beans, bread and occasionally carrots, that is literally it. It has made it awkward when we go out for dinner as she will not touch eggs/pasta/rice/pizza etc or anything vaguely foreign. She is not vegetarian or vegan by active choice as she will eat butter and eggs if they are in cakes. When we are choosing somewhere to eat lunch or dinner we have to make sure that they will serve chips otherwise she will sit there with nothing, it is quite frankly embarrassing when we are feasting and the waiter has to double check if she is sure that all she wants is chips and I'm worried that it looks like she can't afford to order anything more! Today we went out for a Sunday roast and she sat there nursing a bowl of chips the whole time, it is like going out with another seriously fussy toddler. Aibu to want to scream at her to stop being so bloody childish and try something new for once or refuse to go out with her or have her over for lunch again? Her diet has seriously affected her teeth and I am concerned about the long term health impacts.

As an adult with similar restrictions on what I will and won't eat, is there a reason why she won't eat more 'normal' food? Mine is based on fear and control, (it's not a restrictive thing, I'm not anorexic etc actually quite chunky) , I quite literally lived on plain pasta for all my early life.
I still can't eat anything with sauce on, or if I can't see what's in it or if someone else makes it, plus loads of other things, my biggest achievement to date is I can eat macaroni cheese from a restaurant (it means someone else made it, I had no control), however if it came out with something unexpected in it like onion I would freeze, spit it out (discreetly now but 9 year old me wasn't as subtle) and not be able to eat any more, even 'safe' food that might have touched it.
If it's fear she needs help, it's an eating disorder just not an 'obvious " one like anorexia or bulimia.
I saw a mental health professional who said I had an issue but as it wasn't killing me or one of the dangerous ones there wasn't any help for me unless I did it privately.
Even with bad teeth she can survive on that diet as annoying as it is eating in public, try getting a multi vitamin down her and see if she can get some therapy.

My mum is anorexic and drinks too much. On the rare occasions when we meet for a meal she always says she ate before she came and sits there with a glass of water or wine while everyone else eats. I'd love it if she'd eat something, anything. If your mum is happy then I'd leave her be.

Wow! You don't sound very sympathetic to your DM. Don't want to do a keyboard diagnosis but surely you can see this is some form of disordered eating?

What is her relationship with her own mother like and how does/did she eat?

If you can't be kind then just don't go out to eat with her. I think she is really brave going out to eat with you all when she knows she has a problem.

I am like this, all I can attribute it to is being forced to eat foods when younger. I do eat more than your mum and have got a little better over the years. Yes I'm sure it is annoying but it does come from a phobia and the thought of even touching some stuff makes me feel sick. I used to be embarrassed about it but now I'm not-I like what I like. If I know I'm going somewhere I'm
Unlikely to eat, I will eat before or ask for something on menu that can be modified to what I would eat.
Why not let her choose where you eat rather than trying to tell her what she should eat (yes I know you're worried about health but to someone who has this phobia, that won't make any difference)

I understand it's frustrating but yabu. My dd has restricted eating due to asd and severe anxiety issues, I can only hope that as she grows and becomes able In the kitchen she will branch out and try more foods (it's a form of control for her at the minute and she's too young too cook for herself). We have to check menus before we go places as the only meal she'll eat when out is spag Bol-chips if that isn't available. At home her diet consists of spag bol, heinz spaghetti with sausages or chicken and pepper wraps. She can't help it, she pushes herself to try other foods but the anxiety it causes her is saddening to see. She always says she wishes she could like and eat the foods that we all have as they look so nice.
It doesn't sound like your mum is doing it to embarrass or annoy you, she's sounds ill like my daughter, she needs your compassion, understanding and acceptance not your judgement.

Her own mother eats a varied diet and her 3 sisters all eat a wide variety of different foods, so I don't think it is down to experiences from childhood.

It could be caused by anything, but is an EA

Sorry Eating Disorder

How do you know it's not? The rest of my family eat perfect variety of foods

My bad experiences of food where at a party and various times at school

I live on chips, bread, butter, cheddar and pasta. The only fruit I ingest is in the form of wine! i wish I could eat all those amazing foods but I just can't. I'd be retching at the table if I even attempted to eat something "weird".
Be kind to her, it's not an easy thing to live with. It can be extremely isolating and embarrassing.

Whenever I have tried gently talking to her about it she says I'm criticising her or 'on her case'.

Just fucking leave her alone.

It nothing to do with you what she eats!

Just let her order what she wants, you and others get what you all want. Why is that so difficult?

I find your intrusive, judgmental attitude quite disgusting actually.

It is embarrassing when everyone else can easily eat whatever they like

I'm like this. I eat quite a few foods now, but I like them 'plain' with no sauces or dressings, and if there's an ingredient I dislike I have to pick it out. Chips/wedges are usually the only guaranteed 'safe' thing for me in a restaurant.

As a teenager, I turned down the offer of going on a great holiday with a friend and her family because she said her parents were the type to get annoyed/offended if you didn't eat everything on your plate. I used to avoid restaurants, too, because I thought people were judging me. Now I don't care. I'm happy with my chips.

For your mother, I don't think pressure will help at all. I only started eating new foods as an adult because I was in control - I'd bought them, I could try them at home alone and nobody was going to be offended, disappointed or judgemental if they ended up in the bin. I get very defensive too if someone who knows about my eating habits says 'just try a bit of this' or similar in a public place. If I wanted something else, I'd have ordered it.

My DD is 20 and has always been like this, although her range of food was not as limited as the OP's mother's. I always thought it was something that I had done, but then I had a second child who eats normally.

I have never forced her to eat anything she didn't want, but I have encouraged her and praised her when she tried something new. She is a very intelligent person and wants to eat like everyone else, but it's not easy to eat something that you hate. Now that she is in university, she is trying very hard to try new things, and has increased her range of food a little. I don't think she will ever eat like the average person, but as long as she is eating healthy food, and she's happy, then that is fine.

I agree that eating only chips is not healthy, but it sounds like the OP's mum has an extreme form of food phobia. You can't force someone to eat something they hate, and it must be awful for her when people draw attention to it.

Is there any chance she has aspergers or some sensory issues?

It often goes undiagnosed in females.

Cancelly are you my daughter?!

She's a grown woman. If she wants to eat chips I can't imagine how it could possibly affect you, aside from the fact you are embarrassed. Is it that you have elevated your social status above hers and feel like chips are slightly common?

Trust me, no one who works in a restaurant gives a shiny shit what people eat as long as they are polite about asking. The only reason the waiter is checking is to make sure that the customer is happy.

Your mother has an eating disorder. Whether she wants to discuss it is her business. She's not a child so you need to get off her back.

MIL's mother was a bit like this - would only eat chicken or salmon. I found it odd, but I can't say it ever bothered me. If we were going to a place that served chicken or salmon we'd invite her, if not, we'd explain was the menu was and she'd politely decline.

If she came round to ours for a meal I'd sling a chicken breast in the oven alongside whatever I was doing for everyone else.

I used to be vegan. I once got questioned by a colleague because I ordered pizza without cheese in a restaurant. I was hoping just to order quietly and not make any fuss. Not only did this colleague ask me questions about why I was ordering what I was. I also found out later she went behind my back to another colleague and quizzed her too later on. Original colleague did know I was vegan but didnt apparently approve. I was so mortified. If you have different food requirements for whatever reason it is completely exhausting to be questioned and harangued about it. I really dont get what difference it makes to anyone else what I put on MY plate and subsequently in MY mouth.

Just let your mum eat what she's happy eating. I assume you wouldnt like it if someone tried to tell you what to eat?

Aibu to want to scream at her to stop being so bloody childish and try something new for once or refuse to go out with her or have her over for lunch again? Her diet has seriously affected her teeth and I am concerned about the long term health impacts.

What do you think refusing to go out with her or have her over will achieve? If you think it'll mean she expands what she eats then you're almost certainly wrong. If she won't do it for her health then she almost certainly thinks she can't do it - that it's just too hard for her. All you'll achieve is seeing a lot less of your mum. If that's what you want then fine, but don't kid yourself that that won't be the outcome.

I have a sister like this, very restricted. When we eat out most places will cook her a plain bit of chicken and she'll have mash or chips, so it's not as bad. Still a pain when she comes to ours to eat but we work around it for her.