AIBU to be hurt/annoyed

[helpme12335]

I have a 8 month old daughter. My sister has a daughter who is coming up 8 and was the only grand child for many years.

When I found out I was pregnant my mum offered to have my daughter a couple of days a week when I returned to Dave coats on childcare. As my return to work drew nearer she said that she wasn't able to guarantee what shifts she'd be working (she's a nurse) and therefore is unable to look after dd. No problem; I've booked her in to a child minders.

Anyway as this years progressed my mum has proceeded to have other grandchild time after time, often picking her up from school (she's lives 45 minutes drive away) having her stay for the night and then taking her back to school the following day so my sister doesn't have to pay for childcare. She manages to secure shifts around my sisters need for child care.

The situation came to a head this weekend, and i said you've never had my daughter to stay or offer to babysit yet you have sisters child upto 3 nights a week. My sister replied 'her daughter will always be a priority to my mum and come before my daughter, she's knows that, I know that and if I don't like it get over it'. I just can't believe she would say that and that my mum isn't annoyed with her for saying that or trying to deny that that is true.

You could always be a bitch right back:

"Haha no. It's because mum knows you can't handle having a kid so she has to help you to make sure X is brought up well and she has no such concerns about me or Y."

Doesn't help anything of course, but it would piss her off :P

Your mother isn't going to deny it because it's true. It sucks and it hurts like a bitch, but unfortunately that's just the way it is. My MIL has a favourite child and openly admits it. It's not my DH! He's learned to accept it, and pulled way back from them. It's their loss at the end of the day because their golden child is a complete flake who doesn't give a shit about them.

Detach yourself from them and concentrate on your own little family. There's no need for dramatic "no contact", just don't bother making any effort beyond basic politeness.

Depends on circumstance.

The way you've written your post, it reads that you and your sister are in the same place: both working, both with partners and so forth.

You seem stable and grounded and financially capable - but is your sister? Further, is your niece emotionally reliant on your mother? Has your mother been almost a surrogate mother to your niece? Does your sister need the extra layer of support your mother gives?

All that aside though, doesn't excuse what your sister said. Has the family always pandered to her?

YANBU at all to be upset your DM didn't deny it. That's very horrible.

FWIW I have the eldest grandchild on both sides and I don't expect her to be anyone's priority other than mine and DHs. She's not even ours too, as we also have DS too.

Yanbu. That was a terribly hurtful thing to say. Your Mother should have spoken up and told your Sister not to be so nasty.

IT is what it is, all the falling out, shouting from the rooftops, being upset is just wasted energy, your sister has summed up a family dynamic that will remain despite anyone's objections. If you accept it now, you'll save yourself years of turmoil. Focus upon your own little family and leave your Mam to it.

i say this, having experienced the exact situation whereby only the golden child got a look in and I could write pages and pages describing some of the stunts that were pulled. Even wHen the Grandparents died, their bank accounts showed peanuts left to other Grandchildren and thousands to golden child. One bedroom was a shrine to him, it contained fifty photographs hung on the wall, not a single picture of any other child.This obsessive love they had for him came at the expense of their relationships with other children in the family.Was it worth it, I bet my bottom dollar if they were still alive they'd say it was.

Don't be like me Op and try to change things, the odds were stacked against me, I was never going to win this battle and I suspect you won't either.Your Mam will reep what she sows, sadly Golden child failed to show at the hospital when whey were on their last legs, even on their death bed they were talking abut him though.