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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are 21st birthdays a thing still?

50 replies

Crispsheets · 23/07/2017 12:05

DD is 21 in October. A friend asked me yesterday what I was doing for it....Have a booked a venue for a party.
Hadn't even considered it. She will be away at university. I asked her what she was doing a d she just said no idea. Maybe dinner with friends but no big deal.
She had a huge party for her 18th.
I don't think being 21 is a big deal.

OP posts:
Biker47 · 23/07/2017 12:06

21 isn't a big deal, never has been, especially in this country.

WorraLiberty · 23/07/2017 12:07

I'm confused. Have you booked a venue for a party?

Either way, it's personal preference and always has been.

WorraLiberty · 23/07/2017 12:08

Sorry, ignore me. I thought you said 'I have booked a venue for a party'.

HipsterHunter · 23/07/2017 12:08

Yup! Most of my friends made a thing of their 21st - some did full on formal parties other just organised a night out be everyone did something.

Original poster
Crispsheets · 23/07/2017 12:09

Sorry..Awful typos
"Have I booked a venue'

OP posts:
moutonfou · 23/07/2017 12:15

I think it depends what the person wants. Some people love an excuse for a big party so fair enough. But if she's said she wants low key and you're happy with that, fair enough too :)

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/07/2017 12:17

We had a party for ds1, at home, not a big job really.

eddiemairswife · 23/07/2017 12:32

21 used to be the age that you became an adult, but that was reduced to 18 a good few years ago.

ajandjjmum · 23/07/2017 12:42

21 was a big thing for our DC - 18 was much more low key.

OhTheRoses · 23/07/2017 12:44

The bigger parties with formal invitations have been for 21sts here. DS had a 21st as will dd. Here's will be easier and more fun because of her summer birthday.

21 means they have also broadened their circles to include uni friends. Venues are also happier with a booking for 21sts.

Scribblegirl · 23/07/2017 12:44

21 was bigger for me - in our group an 18th was a night out clubbing with your mates and dinner with your family separately. 21 was more likely to involve hiring a place and mixing family with friends. For most of my uni friends, the only time I've ever met their parents was their 21st and then subsequently their wedding.

silkpyjamasallday · 23/07/2017 12:46

I went to Rome for a long weekend with DP for my 21st, it was magical. I really hate my birthdays so I like to be uncontactable, for my 18th I went to Paris for the weekend. Maybe you could give some money towards a trip away?

brieandcrackers · 23/07/2017 13:15

Big parties happened at 18 for me - I did go away for my 21st (with my mum as it was her 60th too) but with friends I just had a pizza/movie night and a meal as did most of the group (two girls had parties I think).

It does differ depending on your community I think as my uni friend was part of Young Farmers and seemed to be going home every other weekend for 21st parties!!

TeaCake5 · 23/07/2017 13:19

The higher class you are the more fuss is given about 21st birthdays.

TeaCake5 · 23/07/2017 13:19

The higher class you are the more fuss is given about 21st birthdays.

CantChoose · 23/07/2017 13:25

My parents organised a big surprise party for my 21st and took me out for a lovely meal on the day too. Much more than my 18th really, that was a night out clubbing with mates.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 23/07/2017 13:56

Everyone I know did something a bit special for their 21st. Not saying it was a huge deal but a bit more special than say, a 24th birthday. However, this is MN and there are quite a few posters who are sneery about adult birthdays.

It's ok to have a big celebration. It's ok to not have a big celebration. I'm in the latter camp but get why some people want to enjoy themselves and splash out. Life's short, why not have fun?!

Original poster
Crispsheets · 23/07/2017 14:52

Thanks for comments. Yes she's quite happy with no fuss and will send her back to university with lots of prosecco

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 23/07/2017 14:57

I did party/big keepsake gift for my DC 18th birthday and holiday money for 21st

19lottie82 · 23/07/2017 14:59

I think you either have a big party for your 18th or 21st, not both.

DoneInn · 23/07/2017 15:24

I think it depends what you like to do as a family and how sociable you are!
If you are the sort who likes big parties whether it's a wedding or a significant birthday then a 21st birthday will be one of those occasions.
We don't have a big social circle and prefer low key.
DS was 21 last year during uni holidays and we just went out for dinner. Only one of his friends had a big "do". One of his uni friend's parents paid for a group meal which was nice.

Original poster
Crispsheets · 23/07/2017 16:28

Donelnn......I like low key. Had ds 's 18th this year and that was stressful!!!!!

OP posts:
UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 23/07/2017 16:35

God I hope it's not a thing. DS1 is 21 on Tuesday, I'm assuming he'll be at work during the day and maybe down the pub with his friends in the evening. He is coming round this evening for dinner and I'm giving him a t-shirt for his birthday. I'm also paying for him to see a show in London with a friend as his present. We did make more of his 18th but he didn't have a party (didn't want one).

Ds2 was 18 last June, it was the middle of his A levels so he didn't do anything for that. I can't remember what we bought him, but it wasn't anything huge.I can't imagine him wanting a formal party for his 21st either.

bigbluebus · 23/07/2017 16:59

DS will be 21 in November and will also be away at Uni. He's not really a party person and didn't have one for his 18th - also having a birthday at the start of the school year means most of his friends weren't 18 so couldn't drink at a venue (and not many places will take bookings for 18th's around here) andhell would freeze over before I would host such a party at home. We took him out for a posh meal and also to an event that he wanted to go to. He also had a lump sum from a small policy we had been paying into for him - he won't be getting the same again for his 21st!

As he will be away for his 21st I should imagine he will go out clubbing in his Uni city with friends. We might well go and visit on a weekend either before or after and take him for a meal if he wants to - which he probably will as a) he'll be living off junk food and b} he has never been known to turn down a free meal.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 23/07/2017 17:02

I'm 38 ** Most of my friends made a big deal of their 21st and had a larger pardee for that than other birthdays (save their 18th).

Their parents weren't necessarily involved though.

If your daughter doesn't care, you're sorted! 🎈

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