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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected at least a text?

59 replies

McBinkers · 23/07/2017 10:20

My friend was going away to a concert last night with her DH, SIL and her DH. She had no one to mind her 4 and 2 year old. I volunteered. She dropped them off yesterday at 6:30am and they are to be collected by her mum at noon. So overnight and a bit. Her 4 y/o has a pretty serious condition that requires medication 3 times a day and her 2 y/o is being potty trained.

I've not received one text or phone call to see if they're ok. Messages are delivering and they're posting on snapchat so I know they've access, but no replies or answering the phones (kids wanted to say goodnight) AIBU to be pissed off that they've just not bothered to check in or is it normal to go away without checking in or answer the phone?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 23/07/2017 10:29

I'd assume that you would contact them if there was a problem.

LindyHemming · 23/07/2017 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SEsofty · 23/07/2017 10:29

I wouldn't expect them to check in, as that would be seen as checking up and not trusting you. They are probably assuming that if there is a problem then you will be in contact straight away

MrsSeverusSnape · 23/07/2017 10:33

Not answering the phone is not on, what if there was a problem? But I wouldn't expect them to be checking in for the same reasons SEsofty posted.

Original poster
McBinkers · 23/07/2017 10:37

I've minded them for a few hours now and then but never as long as 30 hours. It's more the ignoring of phone calls and the texts so I have tried to contact them but it's been ignored. 4 y/o was a bit upset and felt a bit sick after taking her bed time medication so phoned them to just try to appease her then she was more upset they didn't answer. So that's what's making me feel a bit pissed off when I see them snapping and the delivered sign on the messages

OP posts:
Original poster
McBinkers · 23/07/2017 10:39

Yeh, I'm probably projecting the check in thing from my own anxiety, I like to do a check in message when I leave my LO for any time so completely understandable if others don't. I realise that is more my own issue.

It's the ignoring messages and phone call that is annoying me.

OP posts:
Hotwaterbottle1 · 23/07/2017 10:43

They were at a concert though so presumably they wouldn't hear the phone or hear even if they called back?

RainbowPastel · 23/07/2017 10:48

She shouldn't have booked a concert without organising childcare first. I wouldn't get caught out again minding her kids. She sounds like a pisstaker.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 23/07/2017 10:51

Yanbu, who the fuck leaves their kids with anyone for that length of time without at least sending a "Hope kids are behaving themselves/all is ok" type text, it's only polite surely

annoyedand · 23/07/2017 10:52

I would see this as a compliment as she clearly thinks your confident and trusts you to look after her children and as for ignoring your calls she probably hasn't heard and then maybe didn't think it would be an appropriate time to ring back it didn't want to wake the kids or she could just be very drunk or not want to ruin her night worrying.

If her 4 year old has a serious condition I'm guessing she won't get out much ?

mum11970 · 23/07/2017 10:53

It could be they have access to wifi but not good cellular coverage. Did your text actually inform them there was a problem and would like them to get in touch? A text can get through where there's isn't enough coverage for a call. It is bad form not to get in touch if you've specifically text and asked them to reply but if your text comes across as just you reasuring them everything is fine then they may not feel it necessary to reply.

Original poster
McBinkers · 23/07/2017 10:54

The concert was at 9:30 and phonecall was at 6:30! Literally posting pics of the scenery seconds after they ignored my call. I wouldn't have expected them to hear a phone call mid concert I'm not that naive Grin

Hmm Rainbow Pastel you could be right, they were to be dropped off with pizzas for dinner that night for them and my daughter, but in the morning she dropped them off and said oh I forgot to go to the shop can you grab the pizzas. So had to wrangle them all to the shop and home again so am feeling a bit mugged off.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 23/07/2017 10:56

"She shouldn't have booked a concert without organising childcare first. I wouldn't get caught out again minding her kids. She sounds like a pisstaker."

Mumsnet is so amazingly mean spirited sometimes!

OP - not checking in is fine. Not responding to calls and messages is not fine. Did you have both their numbers? Both not responding?

Original poster
McBinkers · 23/07/2017 10:59

Yeh the text said "XXXX is feeling poorly with the new meds and a bit sad can you give me a ring back to say night night to cheer her up a bit, thanks x"

They get out every weekend for a night out (I mind the odd time) but first time overnight without kids since before Christmas.

No cabbage, I was thinking I was weird for always doing a quick text

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 23/07/2017 10:59

I think she's so relieved to be sans kids for a day she's not going to even think about them. I'm sure she trusts you but the pizza thing was a piss take and she should text you to ask you if you're all right, even if she doesn't care about the kids.

Original poster
McBinkers · 23/07/2017 11:00

Yep both numbers phoned and messaged in a group chat and both seen almost literally the moment I sent it!

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/07/2017 11:00

I really do not. As hard as I try and with the best will in all the universes, understand some people.
Theyre ignoring phone calls and text messages. From someone who is minding their children.

For all they know something could be wrong, or The children could be fretful.
Plus good old fashioned respect comes into it as well. You're doing them a huge favor and they're blanking you.

Notcontent · 23/07/2017 11:05

Sorry, let me get this right - she dropped them off at 6.30 am on Saturday and went the whole day without checking on them???? That's just completely weird....

SeekingSugar · 23/07/2017 11:06

Actually I think it's pretty rude that they haven't checked in. That's a very long time to mind a friend's very young children. Two hours max for me! I'd be annoyed.

If it's any consolation I had a niece dumped on me for a week - and when I tried to check in with her mother, found she was out of the country!

mydietstartsmonday · 23/07/2017 11:07

They are both selfish and not particularly good parents. I don't care what anyone says up thread but if you have a child with a medical condition you especially keep in touch. Just a quick phone call. Just don't bother again.

Original poster
McBinkers · 23/07/2017 11:10

Yes 6:30am yesterday and they're being collected at noon today Notcontent. I wouldn't have expected any contact really if was just a drop off at bed time. But that was 3x medication yesterday and this mornings. On one hand she trusts me great, on the other hand I'm wondering why she ignoring me and them

OP posts:
Oldraver · 23/07/2017 11:11

I would tell them that their child wa very upset and a quick call would of calmed the situation. Frankly I would not look after them for this length of time if they ignore phone calls.

And I must be the only one that when leaving such a young child overnight (probably only once a year) I would always phone to say goodnight and maybe text as well

Notcontent · 23/07/2017 11:16

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

RJnomore1 · 23/07/2017 11:17

Do you think they will appear at noon?

ExplodedCloud · 23/07/2017 11:19

Why on earth did they need to be dropped off at 6.30am?