To think 35 isn't that old?

[roseanya]

I have a friendship group that has spanned through school and uni - there are 6 of us. 3 have children, 1 is v recently pregnant and 1 doesn't have any. I don't have children and am not sure I want them.

Each to their own of course. However, I feel 35 (our age) is still young. Yet they all say things like oh it would be great to be 18 or 21 again and get dressed up for a night out in town. Can't you have a night out at 35 now and again and get dressed up? I do and they make me feel like I'm "hanging onto my youth" I use Instagram and blog and don't go to bed at 9pm...since when was 35 old?! I know I'm not a teenager but I think they may be in the minority surely? And yes I'm sure a big part of it is the children, but even those who don't have children say these types of things?!

I agree it isn't old, certainly not in terms of being open to new experiences etc. I'm not keen on clubbing so am quite happy to have the excuse not to but I certainly don't think 35 is too old to go out.

I would probably blame the ages of their children - are they mainly under about 4?! I have a 5yo and a 1yo and I find the older one so easy now but the toddler is exhausting - it was like I had a glimpse of getting my mojo back and now it's gone again 😂

That sounds bad but I know it's temporary, it's just physically and mentally exhausting having a baby or toddler... maybe they will be more fun again in a few years? I hope I will be!

I totally understand the nostalgia, I feel that too. And I don't think they are saying they feel physically old...they are kind of implying that it's a bit immature almost to be "still" doing that sort of thing...that life should be more about long walks at centre parks and kids and sharing a glass of wine. That's where I disagree I suppose.

If you don't want to do that sort of thing that's fine, but to imply you are almost a bit pathetic to be getting dressed up and going out for a dance etc on a Saturday night at 35 is just annoying to me! Almost like a pity thing. However I may be being uber sensitive as it's hard to be the only one in a totally different place in your friendship group.

It's 100% about mindset. I'm 27 physically but mentally I'm a cantankerous 80 year old

35 isn't too old to go out for a night on the town if you are so inclined.

Not everyone likes it though. I fit into the category of people who were glad to leave those years behind.

Parties, nightclubs etc. into the small hours were never my idea of fun even when I was younger (I will soon be 51, so upper middle aged really). I appreciate that that is just my personal view though. My recently graduated uni student DD1 is the virtual opposite of me and seems to love it.

Good luck to you.

I should add though, that young children sap the energy from the best of us. They are like hurricanes.

35 isn't old but people's tastes change. It sounds like you have just grown apart from your friends and have different interests now. I stopped clubbing when I was 34 because I had DD. If I was child free I'd probably have carried on. I don't go out much now because I'm permanently knackered not because I'm past it!

I had DD at 34 and went out dancing quite frequently, I certainly didn't feel old !

I'm middle aged (well, if I live to my 90s) and am enjoying life more than ever. Kids are going to sixth form and uni soon, they don't really take much looking after now and they mostly do their own thing.

I don't go clubbing, but me and DP now have no qualms about seeing a film in the middle of the week or going to an event.

Having kids does age you, but once they're grown up you can basically live your life how you see fit.

I'm 38 in October and yes I think having kids makes you feel older due to the weight of day to day responsibility.
All that said, when I'm away without them, there is nothing more life affirming (for me) than getting myself done up, going out and dancing on tables like a total knob like back in the day. Mainly because I know I can enjoy the hangover in total silence followed by a leisurely Bloody Mary and breakfast at the nearest eatery.

Parenting is what is aging me but in myself I'm fitter and in probably better shape than I was in my twenties!

I'm 35 and feel fucking ancient!

I bloody hope it's not old, I'm 34 this year and there's shitloads of life stuff I haven't got round to doing. That said, I think some people get swept along with dressing up and going out dancing at age 20, when everyone's doing it, but are actually slightly relieved to pack it in a few years on when it stops being the default social activity.

For myself I'm glad no one invites me clubbing any more because I hate crowded clubs, but I always did hate it - I'm just glad to skip the awkwardness of explaining that I'd rather go to the old man pub instead. I really miss seeing bands, though, or spending a night drinking and setting the world to rights. All my friends are in bed by 10.

I'm 36, have three small children, and feel about 80. Am hoping I will start feeling younger again once they get a bit older!

I didn't think I was old at 35. But for some reason, once I hit 38, I felt (and saw) it.

I think I was about 40 in my head when I was 16. I always hated clubbing etc. and I still do! I'm quite happy that now I'm not expected to do it at 36

So I think you're talking about expectations - it's probably true that most people wouldn't expect a 35 year old to go out every night and so on, but that doesn't mean you can't. You're old enough to know what you want, after all

I think severe sleep deprivation at any age will make you feel ancient. Hence parents with young children will consider themselves old... until the children are older and then it's back to partying (which is a bit annoying if you then have small kids but hey). Also sometimes as the parent of a small child you sort of feel like you should be an adult/ a "grown up" now, and sort of overcompensate by talking about how middle aged you are. And then realize a bit later how silly you were being (possibly just me).

Also, the last time I got pissed on a night out I was woken at 5.30 am (3 hours after I'd gone to bed) by a small person who had gone to the toilet all by themselves but now had poo on their bottom they wanted me to wipe (and on their feet as it turned out). Uuuuurghhhh

No, don't worry, of course 35 isn't old. You're not old on MN until you hit 50. Then you're immediately ancient and start behaving like all the other old dears.

< bitter >

35 is not old.

'it's hard to be the only one in a totally different place in your friendship group.'

Completely agree. My closest friends are all mid 30s but don't have children, just me. None of us were bored of partying and would go for regular big nights out, dancing, festivals, clubs etc. Not every weekend but definitely regularly. Those would be our times to bond/connect & it's been v hard on the friendships being the only one now with a dc.

Anyway obviously I do go out a lot less now but have no doubt I'd still be going out if I hadn't had dd. I don't feel old per say but I'm knackered and feel like I look old

They sound far too mumsy, feck sake, people of all ages go all out getting ready for a night out

Honestly I see a lot of 40 something's looking fucking awesome and all my thirty something peers looking a bit worse for wear, like me. I think it is very young children. At 40 something a lot of parents are coming out of the the other side of the tunnel, sleeping better, eating for health instead of what they can grab, going on actual holidays.... Or is this just me being hopeful?! I know my older forty something brother and wife are both looking better for having teen children now.

Probably true penhacked. I'm forty this year, still consider myself young, as do my friends...maybe it's who you surround yourself with

Having children is ageing. You move up a generation and the physical demands and sleep deprivation sap the energy of the majority. Plus, most parents enjoy spending time with the little darlings, so going out has less appeal than it did when they were child free. I wouldn't say 35 is old (I'm older and don't feel old!) but it sounds like they have reached a different life stage and are feeling that something has changed.

Im 24 with 2 under three and feel like going oyt days were another lifetine. I also feel about 150 so cheers kids

Obviously it's not 'old' in terms of where you are in life, but "going clubbing 'oop town' " really is something most people will associate with 18 - 25 yr olds.
My 18 yr old dd and her friends all left here in a taxi just after 10.30 to do exactly that.
When you have small children, it's not an attractive proposition as you need to be up early with them the next day, and can't lie around in a dark room, so I can see why none of them want to.
If you enjoy it, and know of a club or two where you don't seem to be the age of most customer's parents, then go for it - I'm all for people doing whatever they enjoy if it's not hurting anyone else, but I can understand your friends thinking it's a bit unusual.