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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy friend a present for having new baby ?

47 replies

Cuckingfunt1981 · 22/07/2017 13:55

I attended her baby shower 2 weeks ago and spent £70 on baby gifts and a mum to be pamper set that contained moisturisers and nice oils etc . She delivered yesterday at 38 weeks and I don't know whether I should then buy another gift or if the baby shower is classed as being where she gets gifts for new baby ? With my 4dcs I never had a baby shower (or even wanted one for that matter) so people would generally visit after I'd had baby and bring a card and a small gift for new baby ( I was always grateful for them visiting and never expected a gift) . I don't know what the etiquette is these days but I feel iv all ready spent enough on my friend and her baby ? AIBU ??

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/07/2017 13:56

I would say baby shower means you have already done your newborn "gift" duty.

livefornaps · 22/07/2017 13:57

You can just go see her. She's had her present. Don't feel awkward at all. The offering gifts thing is now completely out of control - it's just an ordinary baby not Jesus of bleedin' Nazareth

Original poster
Cuckingfunt1981 · 22/07/2017 13:59

I thought I could maybe bake her a cake and give her that when I visit ?? I really can't afford to spend much more . She is a dear friend and I'm not a cheapskate I'm just a bit short on cash this month

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 22/07/2017 13:59

I wouldn't do more than send a card. The baby and her probably have enough 'stuff' for a dozen babies! Babies don't need much. Why can't we invent a tradition of giving children and their parents piles of 'stuff' when they become teenagers? That's when the precious moppets really start getting expensive!

AlpacaLypse · 22/07/2017 14:00

yy A cake would be perfect.

WhatKatyDidnt · 22/07/2017 14:01

Visit her with card and cake in hand.

Ginger782 · 22/07/2017 14:01

Don't buy another gift. If you're going to visit, take some nice homemade food (cake, like you suggested) or a meal they can reheat.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 22/07/2017 14:02

I would take a card and probably the mum something just for her, just a little something like her favourite hand crème or magazine. Nothing grand.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 22/07/2017 14:04

Cake or biscuits or something would be lovely! And a card. You've more than bought enough. I wouldn't have been surprised or offended if no one had brought a present or anything when they came to visit after my DD was born even if they hadn't have come to my baby shower (organised for me, I wasn't grasping for presents). I wanted to see the people, not their gifts.

OhTheRoses · 22/07/2017 14:05

£70 is already very generous. A card is more than enough x

Ameliablue · 22/07/2017 14:06

I don't think a present is required. A cake is always nice though and appropriate as can be offered to other visitors.

horsefeathers · 22/07/2017 14:08

No need to buy more, you have given her a present already. If you feel like you want to take something, cake - or chocolate or grapes, anything she can eat with one hand! - would be lovely, I'm sure.

I didn't have a baby shower for either of mine, but a few friends kindly got baby clothes or toys and gave them to me before the baby was born. Definitely, definitely would not have expected them to bring another present when coming to see the baby. (And lots of people didn't give us anything before or after, and that was completely OK too!)

TractorTedTed · 22/07/2017 14:09

A cake is a great idea.

She'll probably really appreciate that, and as you say, you've already contributed to gifts at the baby shower

Me264 · 22/07/2017 14:10

I hate baby showers for this reason! I tend to do it the other way round, token gift or food etc taken to the baby shower, and then proper bigger gift when the baby is born. You don't need to spend out twice.

stackedcups · 22/07/2017 14:13

If she's at home already then a meal might be better than cake? Not saying she'd mind cake but I had no time for cooking for months and was sick of always eating toast or going hungry. But nothing would definitely be fine too!

greendale17 · 22/07/2017 14:18

No need to buy her another gift. She would probably be surprised if you did

GetOutOfMyBath · 22/07/2017 14:21

I don't think you should give her another gift

Blueberryblueberry · 22/07/2017 14:29

I've also been in this position and ended up taking a little token gift (small wooden car or something) but I think a cake sounds perfect (
also don't like to show up empty-handed!)

Amd724 · 22/07/2017 14:43

Do what you feel. She'll probably be so excited just to see you and show off her newborn that she wont want anything but adult company! Bring a cake, she might love it if you make her some tea and take the baby off her for a few minutes so she can eat/drink.

Whatsername17 · 22/07/2017 14:45

I never get a second present if I've given a present at the baby shower.

Cocklodger · 22/07/2017 14:46

I'd take a card, but I'm not much of a baker myself. X

Decaffstilltastesweird · 22/07/2017 14:50

I don't think you need to buy anything more. A cake is a nice idea.

CremeFresh · 22/07/2017 14:51

This is why I don't like baby showers , I'd rather wait until the baby is born and turn up with a gift then . It feels wrong to turn up empty handed but you shouldn't feel obliged to spend any more money.

GetOutOfMyBath · 22/07/2017 14:54

CremeFresh I agree.

NotYoda · 22/07/2017 14:57

at "Jesus of Bleedin' Nazareth"

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