ASD/ADD/Quirky

[Moanyoldcow]

I'm sorry for posting here - I'm just so confused that I don't know if im coming or going.

My son is 4. He's just finished nursery and is starting Reception in September.

For the last year his behaviour has confused everyone he's come across - SALT, Occupational Therapist, Teachers at nursery. He's just started with a new childminder who thinks he has ASD (albeit a high functioning variety - please forgive me if I'm using incorrect terminology as I'm quite new to this).

She's basing this on him not being massively sociable with the other children and his obsession with cars plus an unwillingness to join in games. He's not disruptive or violent or anything, just quite 'firm' if he doesn't want to do something.

He has no issues with routine changes
Reads emotions very well
Speech is excellent
He can read already (level 1 books cover to cover) and tries to sound out words
Loves physical contact

But he has some issues with texture and eating
Quite encyclopaedic knowledge of cars and planets
Has a ridiculously accurate memory and likes to repeat things he's seen or heard

I can see how he's confusing everyone but all the professionals are just 'wait and see'. But if he's needs help I don't want to let him down.

I suppose my AIBU is have you had a quirky child who has had an ASD diagnosis and how hard was it to get through to HCPs?

I got Ds1 a diagnosis of ASD, Aspergers specifically. It was useless because Primary School disputed it and refused any extra support.
I find him hard work often. But, whilst the diagnosis has been pointless, the 'whole journey' has certainly helped my 'awareness' of at least how to TRY to deal with him.

You sound equally loving and 'aware' and that's the most important thing.

Get your childminder to write everything down. It will help a lot that this idea is not coming from you but from another health professional type person (not a HCP but a care provider)
Get the GP to refer to Pead. Look at the ADOS tests and theory of mind and Triad of impairments.
Always make sure you get everything in writing. Keep a paper trail. Keep a folder.

Even if it's not ASD, your'll have done him a favour by monitoring and noting his traits and quirkiness.

I'm high functioning ASD but it wasn't picked up on as a child as I was just seen as being a bit odd/quirky. Couldn't make friends (despite trying to) and odd interests that everyone else thought was weird.

Now at 36 I'm exactly the same but it's easier now as I accept that it's ok not to have loads of friends and the decent people will be ok with who I am anyway. I have also accepted that it's ok for people not to like me and it's ok for me to enjoy my own company. I realised that as a kid it wasn't that I wanted friends, I just wanted to be like everyone else and not be so weird. Now I embrace my weirdness and have found that people tend to accept me as the slightly odd but nice woman who is fun to be around given half the chance.

Both my teen boys are undiagnosed but likely ASD. Eldest is incredibly bolshy, overly confident but with not a care in the world for how weird people think he is whereas my youngest is quieter, struggles with textures and food, has odd obsessions and doesn't make friends easily (although like me, it's getting better as he's getting older as "quirky" becomes "interesting".

I will probably get slated for this but what's the obsession with "getting a diagnosis" these days (I'm not referring to you OP, I'm referring to the professionals commenting on your son's behaviour). My youngest was exactly like that as a young child and has grown into a high achieving, sensitive young man. Just because children aren't all exactly the same and have different quirks and personalities does not mean they have ASD/ADD etc. When my kids were small there was nobody at their toddler groups/in reception with any kind of diagnosis. Yes, some were quirkier than others, some had shorter attention spans, different ways of socially interacting, but none of them were labelled. Of course some children do have ASD/ADHD etc but all children are different and their differences and strengths should be celebrated. He sounds like a strong character, don't be pushed into making his perceived differences into an issue.

Middle aged, I think it's a bit pointless for some. But school wise, support is so hard to get, a lot of it comes down to money, then it gives the parent some bargaining power.
Sometimes!

Agree middleaged - I think if I was diagnosed as a kid I would have felt more of a freak than I already did. I also think I would have milked it and used it as an excuse to play up, not get a job and basically not get on with life.

Such a helpful thread. Am currently wondering about one of my DC. Not in an 'OMG there's something wrong' type way, just in a 'do I have all the info necessary to parent this DC correctly' way. Which sounds a bit like where you're coming from, OP.

OhTheRoses A relative of mine was diagnosed with ADD as an adult. It would have been so helpful to have had this diagnosis earlier. This relative is now an academic, as your DD plans. They muddled along until senior enough to have a part time secretary, at which point their career took off. It might be worth your DD investing in secretarial support earlier on in her career if that's at all possible.

he can express how he's feeling (frustrated, sad, tired, happy etc) and these seem a bit contradictory for ASD.

My DS is 7 and has high functioning autism. I've learned that autism isn't necessarily what you might assume it is. I know several children with autism and they are all so different from each other in their behavours and personality that its amazing to think they share the autism in common.

My DS is very capable at expressing his feelings in a detailed way. He can read facial expressions. Of all my children he is the one who will spot if my face looks a tiny bit sad, even if i'm trying to hide it, and will ask me what's wrong. He is the one who will come up and hug me for no reason. His face melts when he sees a little baby. He is the one who feels sad if he sees an animal being mistreated. If my DS2 captures a ladybird my DS with autism will be sad for the ladybird and anxious that it is released so it can get back to its family. My DS seems to feel things more strongly than NT people - happy things make him really happy, sad things make him really sad - and he also can get more angry than others.

Middleagedmumoftwo

There was huge benefits for my DS in getting a diagnosis. It opened up a lot of support from his school. He used to cry going into school in the mornings and paid no attention and was zoned out. Adaptions were made like movement breaks, wobble cushion, reward system to motivate him etc. He gets taken out of the class to work on his motor and social skills. He now goes to school happy everyday and the difference in his school reports since the benefits of the help kicked in is striking.

Also, he knows about his diagnosis and understands now why he finds somethings more difficult. I want him to underatand himself and not see himself as inferior or 'weird'.

Thank you all again.

One thing I feel really positive about is that his primary school is very supportive. They have dedicated classes for children with ASD and I think that if he needs support they will give it.

As PP said, at present, he doesn't need any extra support at school but I'll discuss with the GP and keep a close eye on him.

I don't what this to sound like a drip feed but my family say he's very much like I was as a child. I found making friends quite hard throughout school as I never found many people with similar interests but that improved massively at college and I have lots of friends now.

This has given me such a great perspective - I was really worried about posting but I'm so glad I did.

Exactly fanjo

And for someone to get to the point of getting a diagnosis they have gone through a very long process to be diagnosed and there is very little chance of someone being diagnosed as autism when they don't have it - actually more chance of someone slipping through and not being diagnosed as they don't quite meet the criteria.

The saying is "if you've met one person with autism then you've met one person with with autism "if you have a dx for your child then it may stop your child being excluded !
It will get them the extra help they need!

If anyone is worried about a child having autism the look up the triad of impairment .. If your DC fits in all three impairments then they may be dx ... If not don't even bother going for dx!

I've seen first hand what not getting a diagnosis can do.
FIL was diagnosed at age 58 with Aspergers (after we were looking into if for DS1 and realised FIL also had it)
As a child he was labelled as naughty, he never fulfilled his full potential, he never held down a job for long as he didn't have the social skills to get along with people. He became an alcoholic as he found drinking helped him be social and was a drink for most of DHs childhood and was in and out of rehab.
The change in him since diagnosis has been astounding, it's helped him make sense of who he is and why he reacts like he does, he's not so angry and can now see that a situation which before would make him melt down and blame everyone else is actually him not being able to deal with the noise etc and he will now remove himself.

Even if a diagnosis isn't going to make much practical difference (we pursued one for DS1 as he had toileting issues and fine motor skill issues that needed addressing) I think it helps mentally and help a person understand where they fit into the world.

About 80% of people working at NASA have ASD aparently !

A lot of what you have described is normal toddler behaviour, if they don't grow out of it is when it becomes a better indicator.

OP, if he has issues with sensory processing maybe have a look at this book. It was recommended to me by my DS's OT and my DS enjoys it.
www.bookdepository.com/Max-Me-Ines-Lawlor/9781855036161

Also, I find this comic good for understanding the spectrum - it kind of explains why people with autism may appear to do very well in certain areas but struggle with different things.
themighty.com/2016/05/rebecca-burgess-comic-redesigns-the-autism-spectrum/

imaginosity do you mind if I ask how the asd manifests? Because I also have a DD who I wondered about getting assessed, because she struggles to make close friendships, has some sensory issues and is exceedingly shy. But I dismissed it because she is so very good at reading emotions and social situations. She'll know for instance if somebody is making false excuses, is exceedingly diplomatic - never says the wrong thing in social situations - and generally pretty good at reading people. I had thought issues with theory of mind and reading the emotions of others was one of the defining features of asd, but you aren't the first person I know who has said their asd child is good at that sort of thing. I know asd comes in all shapes but I guess I'm confused as to what the diagnostic core is, if that makes sense?

Imaginosity - that comic was really helpful. I'll look at the book too.

Many thanks..

Middleaged, it's not an obsession. You are misinformed and quite offensive.

Your son sounds like my DH, albeit DH is not formally diagnosed and was 'tested' as a child, he and I have our suspicions over ASD. DH is extremely intelligent, caring, tries very hard to read others and has a high demand job which he excels at. Try not to worry too much at this stage

icebear I've looked up triad of impairment and difficulty reading expressions, social situations and suchlike seems to be number one, and rigidity/literal-mindedness another, yet I've heard people say their child with ASD is fine with both. I promise im not trying to be difficult, but I guess I find it hard to square looking at the diagnostic criteria with the people saying that expecting these issues is buying into 'myths about autism'. I totally get that children are unique and that 'If you've met one child with ASD you've met one child with asd', but equally I'm left feeling that as soon as I try to pin down what it is I'm trying to look for, it disappears. It matters personally because I worry so much about why my DD can't seem to make close friends and has certain other quirks, but really really doesn't fit the vast majority of the impairment criteria. Does that make sense?

Frogsoup - that's my experience too. I looked up the triad and in all honesty he really doesn't meet those criteria. It's baffling, isn't it?