Handhold please *lighthearted*

[whatthestuff]

Long post **

I don't want to hear the usual "break up with him" THIS IS LIGHTHEARTED.

So I'm sat in the bath in the dark (long day) have some little twinkly lights up and a few candles (against the decor rules of MN I know but purely temporary, reading through the MN Classics, about the fatball to be exact (hilarious)

Anyway.. DP walks in the bathroom, turns the light on and sits on the toilet to do a poo!!!! We have 2 toilets, one main and one ensuite and we have a no pooing rule in the ensuite but that's another story 🙄😂

I absolutely lose the plot because:
a) I'm in the bath
b) he can shit on demand so it could have waited
c) he really could have went in the ensuite (i would never have known as it would be a long time before I got out)
d) he does it on purpose

He then proceeds to tell me that I should be THANKFUL that he feels comfortable shitting on front of me!!!!

If only my day could get worse 💩

Itching power in his undies?

Nobody over the age of three gets to shit in public. Boak

Together 20 years in Aug, 2 children, ( present at births) lifted me in/out bath after breaking bones/helped bathe me.

We have just 1 loo

If I'm absolutely desperate he will get out bath/shower for me to use the toilet.
I love him all the world, he's my best mate, But ....never EVER have seen him have a poo and vice versa. #respectful

The closest we have come to this was when staying in a hotel and he was having a long bath.
I wanted a wee, and he(understandably) didn't want to get out of his enjoyable bath.
The compromise was that we drew the shower curtain and both sang very loudly while I had my wee.

Anything more than that, and I would have got dressed and gone downstairs to use the hotel lobby loos!

YUK!

Even my TODDLER doesn't go in the toilets when I am in them at home!
I can't stand toilets in bathrooms for obvious reasons, had to put up with them in many places, but using the loo when someone else is already in the bath (and you have a spare) is no. Just no.

Even if couples are happy to share, it's still rude if the other one is having a bath.

Just no. lighthearted or not . Bleurgh

Cling film on the bowl?

#LTB

Wtf? I just cannot understand the sorts of couples who think it is OK to go to the loo in front of each other, let alone do a poo. What the hell happened to dignity? To romance? To being classy? Locked/closed door policy for anyone in my household going to the loo. OP LTB .

We only have the one loo so DP and I have pooed in front of one another more times than not we do our best to keep toileting to when the other isn't bathing or showering but it can't always be done. DP also likes to remind me that I pooed while giving birth, and he was standing down at the business end I used to not be able to wee because of anxiety if someone else was in a public loo so I am quite proud of my progress!

I dont have an issue about either of us poo-ing in front of each other but we usually give each other space due to any pongs..plus there is the time and place, so neither would poo while someone is trying to relax in the bath

Last time I was pregnant I was about to go run a nice soothing bath that I'd been looking forward to all day. DH decided then was the time to go an do a really stinky poo, to the point that being in the bathroom made me retch. Being rather hormonal I burst into tears and sobbed for about 10 minutes (which was a slight overreaction admittedly!)

I was out once when OH went for a poo at home. Cat came to visit him, walked in, sniffed the air and immediately ran out.

Knowing what cat shit smells like, if even she can't handle it, I certainly don't want his the scent of his bowels anywhere near my nostrils.

Also who wants to see each other's poo face - EVER?

Defo a lock for the bathroom. That's foul!!!

I would divorce the fucking cunt if he came and had a shit in front of me when I was lying in the bath.

--------------------------------------------

I'M KIDDING!

I would get a lock and never allow in again when I was in there though!

That's fucking gross. I'd struggle to be lighthearted about it.
Why didn't you tell him to go to the ensuite when he came in? Also, why don't you poo in the ensuite?

The other four pillars of Uslam are:

(i) Never do a "yawn rape" to the other person. A "yawn rape" (I know, absolutely horrible phrasing) is when you stick your fingers in someone's mouth when they're yawning so disrupt their yawn. It's the most frustrating thing in the world.

(ii) Never get angry about lack of sleep caused by the other person having a nightmare, cramp or being mobile. DH gets cramp in the night quite often and I act out in my dreams (like get up and get dressed in the middle of the night).

(iii) We must buy a tacky little souvenir from every far-flung (i.e. not the UK) place we go even if we go separately. These tacky trinkets must be displayed on the side table in the living room. Relatedly, you must always bring the other person a souvenir home from any trip you take. If it's abroad then it'll be a trinket for the side table but if it's just a day-long work thing in the UK then it can just be something crap. Today I've been in Sunderland with work and brought DH back a bag of crisps.

(iv) When the bed sheets get changed, we have to get into bed at the same time- one person can't enjoy the freshness longer than the other. We also have a little poem that we say when there are clean sheets which must always be said. Similarly, when we run out of tomato ketchup, we have a song that we must sing

We are very very very strange.

I'm not one to victim blame, but if someone doesn't put their hand over their mouth when they yawn they're asking for it.

TBH I've probably done the same. But it's not unknown for DP to be in the bath for three hours, and we only have the one toilet. C' est la vie.

OP I'm actually struggling to find something lighthearted in this one, to be frank. This would be very difficult for me to get over. It is such a literal shit upon your effort to relax, and to have some downtime. Seems like attention grabbing at the least, and power play at worst. I'd kill the bastard. Drown him perhaps. Dirty pig.

Good on you and your relationship if this is actually acceptable - you're a bigger woman than I.

Are you married to my DP?

He used to do this (he's in the forces and has no inhibitions about going in front of other people) but I've finally trained him not to. Would a lock on the door solve it?

SmellyNipples

I'm glad we're not the only one who does the tacky gifts thing!

I'd like to add one of ours too

(V) For no reason at all, we will sometimes pretend we are in the House of Commons, with one of the cats as Speaker of the House. All questions must be addressed through him, and we must refer to each other as "The Honourable Gentleman/Lady"

Yes, we're odd too.

I need a poo now :(

I always lock the bathroom door.

My other half is absolutely forbidden to poo in the ensuite.

He has to do that in the toilet by the garage.

Gross. Disgusting. Weird. Destructive. Insensitive. Insulting.How is that lighthearted?

My partner and I wee in front of each other all the time. He's had bladder issues in the past and says he could wee in front of the queen if he had to due to all the tests and things he's had. And we're just very comfortable around each other. We're about to move in together though and I don't know what the poo situation is going to be like. Personally I'd rather it was a private time!

I will never forget my dad just waltzing in and doing a poo whilst we were in the bath as children. Downright rude. They always stank as well!