to be pissed off ds gets sent to headmaster (for bringing in toy) because someone stole off him

[hoover]

Yesterday ds (10) took toy into school (I know he shouldn't, hopefully he'll now learn...) Complicated by the fact I work in same school.

several kids have this toy and playing at break. so he takes his in to join in. During sport, he puts it down on the side. Teacher sees it (but doesn't take it or tell him to put it away, or tell him off for having it), next thing is, it's gone.

A few kids say they spotted another boy from the class take it. This boy is later frantically trying to hide his sports bag. Teacher calls him into class, and lo and behold, the toy is in the other boy's bag. He admits he took it.

So, today, my ds gets sent to the headmaster's office and is spoken to about breaking the rules taking things into school. and he has to write out a punishment card, which goes on his file where he has to write he has broken the rule about taking stuff into school. I have to sign it.

Thing is, several kids have this toy, even today. The only difference bwn them and my ds is that my ds was stolen from. AIBU to be annoyed it feels like he is in effect being punished for being targeted and stolen from? None of the other kids have been punished, in fact, they were all playing with the same toy in school today, day after the theft.

Do I swallow it, as he was in the wrong by taking the toy to school, or do I speak to his class teacher for sending him to the head, or do I speak to the head, as he spoke to him??

Yes DS should be punished for bringing a toy (fidget spinner?) to school when they're banned.

So should any other children who are caught with them.

So should the boy who stole DS's toy.

But I do see that the school don't want to waste time doling out punishments to half the school since so many kids have the toy, so they turn a blind eye to it until something happens like a theft that they have to address.

And the parent works in the school - she knows lots of other children are regularly allowed to flout the rule by teachers - mot just before the theft, but afterwards, too. That is not acceptable. It is not just the child's word, it is fact witnessed by a member of staff...

And seemingly is not bothered of notifying the head themselves or creating an AIBU topic on MN as a worker in the school until it was their child in question.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires thank you

Tell him that he broke the rules so needs to accept the punishment.

Separately contact the head re the unfairness regarding the other kids playing with the toys with the Heads tacit acceptance and the fact that theft seems to be less of a crime than playing with a toy. Not asking for anything, just noting the inconsistency etc.

MissionItsPossible - and you have not considered that this may be down to the fact that the entire staff body, except the headteacher, think it is a stupid rule?... The punishment of the one child by the headteacher whilst staff openly continue to allow all other children to keep bringing in toys and playing with them just publicly undermines the authority of the headteacher, shows the lack of respect with which they are held and sends a very bad message to the children about rules, the point of rules and consistency. But hey ho, mother should say nothing at all to the headteacher about the message this sends, but continue to lack respect for the rules and the headteacher along with the rest of the staff... whilst expecting children to understand that a rule is a rule and should not be broken. . Oh no, sorry, to understand that rules are there to be broken, but you have to make sure the headteacher doesn't find out.

roundaboutthetown

and you have not considered that this may be down to the fact that the entire staff body, except the headteacher, think it is a stupid rule?

You're calling me out on things that I agree with you.

I would go to the Headmaster and take the note from my child, and ask what punishment was being give to the child that stole the toy and also the other children with the same toys in school.
I would also say if this note is to go on my childs file then all the other children MUST write the same note and have it placed on their file.
Sorry but I don't normally complain but I do feel it's unfair to your son.

He shouldnt have bought the toy in. Sounds like the teachers havent seen the other children had same toy. When i was at school if we bought anything in like this we lost it till half term, holidays so you didnt do it. Sounds like your son learnt about rules today. If you work in the school why are you dealing with the other toys if you see them.

I hope they dealt with the thief

If I'm caught speeding the fine doesn't go away if my car is subsequently stolen, or if I complain that everyone else was speeding too.

Life is frequently unfair. Children need to learn this.

I had a similar issue with my sen child in primary.

Everyone else was bringing in Moshi Monsters. Dd had some special ones. Schools official rule was they weren't allowed but teachers were fully aware they were playing with them and they openly showed the teachers and talked about them.

Dd told the kids which ones she had and they persuaded her that if she brought them in they would swap them for four of theirs. Obviously sen dd thought this was a great deal!

She sneaked hers in without me knowing and seven of the kids swapped I. E they took dds special ones and promised to bring theirs in with no intention of doing so.

Dd lost all of hers and panicked and was hysterical. She too was punished when I raised it saying I know she shouldn't have taken them but... She shouldn't have taken them in I accept that but the kids who tricked an sen student and stole her stuff for no punishment at all. That annoyed me.

IndianaMoleWoman - I don't know a single child who does not already know that. I don't think it helps to teach them rules are pointless and there to be broken, so long as the boss doesn't find out, though.

After, that sounds awful

Did she ever get them back?

The school have banned bringing in toy. Your ds not pnly broke the rule he flaunted it in front of children who had obeyed the rule
One of the reasons schools do not allow children to bring in large sums of money
and desirable items is that it is putting temptation in peoples way.people especially children do give in to temptations thrust in their face.It is the human condition.
T
Tge

Random typos at the end!

MissionItsPossible - that's what happens if you selectively quote bits of my posts as though you disagree with me! If the head is not respected and nor is the rule, then of course the head will not be told until their rule impacts negatively on someone specific - it's the spur needed to do the right thing and tell the head how badly it reflects on the school.

Not dealing with theft in school gives me the rage. I'm completely baffled as to why it is condoned. In this instance both should be dealt with. My year 1 DD sometimes takes toys in that are kept in her bag on her peg, they are for her use at night on the occasions when she visits her Grandma. It is her Private bag, for her use only, no one else. This scenario should cause no problems if you start from the fundamental principle of theft being wrong. This has to be enforced in school to reflect the laws that exist in the wider society. Theft is against the law whereas bringing toys or the equivalent to somewhere you shouldn't is unlikely to be a criminal offence, that is why both acts should be dealt with. On that basis I don't know how anyone can argue that theft is irrelevant.

The quicker this shit figet spinner craze ends the better.

I think in your shoes I would say something to the effect of "I assume we are having a crack down on all the children who have brought this toy in, then?"

I think in the long run your DS will learn more from the fact that you don't go into bat for him over every minor telling off, unless he is blameless in the matter.

I could not agree more.

This obsession some parents have with absolute equivalency is just ridiculous. Sometimes everything is not perfectly fair. That's life.

Stop teaching your kids to focus on how they've been 'wronged' all the time, to take the focus off the fact that they screwed up!

Yeah, I'm in the "swallow it and tell him sometimes life/school is unfair"

Oh I would let me kid he punished, bringing a toy in is wrong and its breaking the rules. But I'm sick of the kids same kids being constantly let off for absolutely disgraceful behaviour, I think in my dd's school some of the teachers are scared of them, and their parents, so they do "whole class" punishment sometimes or the offended gets a nice lunchtime in the "quiet zone" with and ipad with a chosen friend to keep them company, for twatting another kid in the face during football (this actually happened last week, joke)

The rules should be consistent!