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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off ds gets sent to headmaster (for bringing in toy) because someone stole off him

75 replies

hoover · 20/07/2017 19:17

Yesterday ds (10) took toy into school (I know he shouldn't, hopefully he'll now learn...) Complicated by the fact I work in same school.

several kids have this toy and playing at break. so he takes his in to join in. During sport, he puts it down on the side. Teacher sees it (but doesn't take it or tell him to put it away, or tell him off for having it), next thing is, it's gone.

A few kids say they spotted another boy from the class take it. This boy is later frantically trying to hide his sports bag. Teacher calls him into class, and lo and behold, the toy is in the other boy's bag. He admits he took it.

So, today, my ds gets sent to the headmaster's office and is spoken to about breaking the rules taking things into school. and he has to write out a punishment card, which goes on his file where he has to write he has broken the rule about taking stuff into school. I have to sign it.

Thing is, several kids have this toy, even today. The only difference bwn them and my ds is that my ds was stolen from. AIBU to be annoyed it feels like he is in effect being punished for being targeted and stolen from? None of the other kids have been punished, in fact, they were all playing with the same toy in school today, day after the theft.

Do I swallow it, as he was in the wrong by taking the toy to school, or do I speak to his class teacher for sending him to the head, or do I speak to the head, as he spoke to him??

OP posts:

ladyvimes · 20/07/2017 19:54

Seriously? Teachers have enough to do, they don't need to spend time faffing around hunting down a stolen toy that shouldn't have been brought in in the first place! Absolutely ridiculous!

noblegiraffe · 20/07/2017 20:06

The only person's behaviour he needs to concern himself with is his own.

He brought in contraband, knowing it was against the rules. He was punished for this. Whining that others were doing it too is not a defence.

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2017 20:10

I hate the unfair application of rules. And all it does is build resentment, not good behaviour.

Apply them properly or don't have them.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 20/07/2017 20:11

I'd approach the teacher and the Head along the lines of 'DS and I are confused. He had a punishment for bringing a toy into school, but every day he sees several other children bringing the same toy into school and they aren't punished. Please can you explain the rules to me about bringing in toys and give me a general idea why it is OK for some children to bring them in, and DS can't'.

I don't mind rules, but there needs to be logic behind how they are enforced.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 20:11

I would point out to the headteacher that the school should have consistent behaviour standards if it wants to be taken seriously and would therefore ask him/her to remind all staff that they must hand out punishment cards to all children caught with this type of toy to take home for their parents to sign if that is the set punishment for this behaviour. It is wrong to punish the child who has already learnt his lesson whilst turning a blind eye to all the others who have not, and it could well result in a complete lack of respect for the school's authority and fairness from the children - it would certainly earn my lack of respect as the picked on child!

Marcipex · 20/07/2017 20:16

Id be fuming at the injustice too.
It was in reverse at my children's school, to the point where a little new child innocently asked IN ASSEMBLY :) why the teachers children didn't have to wear school uniform.
The trouble is, as you already know, if you point out this obvious injustice you'll be the one looking bad.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 20:17

I would not blame the class teacher - they could hardly not tell the head about the forbidden toy and who brought it in if they wanted the thief punished properly!! It's clearly the head who is ignorant of what goes on in their own school...

Pengggwn · 20/07/2017 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe · 20/07/2017 20:21

These kids who moan at the slightest perceived injustice (I wasn't the only one talking wah wah wah) are a real pain in the arse when they come up to secondary school. You broke the rules, you suck up the punishment. Don't waste the head's time, especially as you work there.

Sparklingbrook · 20/07/2017 20:22

He has been picked on.

noblegiraffe · 20/07/2017 20:24

There will always be kids who get away with something. If you don't want to be punished, don't break the rules. It's really simple.

MissionItsPossible · 20/07/2017 20:28

I'm seeing this situation more like the teacher turns a blind eye to kids bringing toys into school to play with during their break because, ultimately, who cares so long as they are happy? They are entertaining themselves and having fun during break and so whilst it's a rule that should be enforced, doesn't mean it always has to be if it's not harming anybody. The OP's sons toy was stolen and so the teacher had to report the theft which is a rule that should be enforced and resulted in it being reported to the head. If the OP has an issue I think she should take it up with the head, the teacher was blameless IMO.

PS. What does WRT mean?

MaisyPops · 20/07/2017 20:31

There willalwaysbe kids who get away with something. If you don't want to be punished, don't break the rules. It's really simple.
Exactly. I could be working with 4 students and someone behind me pulls a face to try to make a friend laugh. I wouldn't see. They would get away with it.
If I look up and SEE someone else pulling a face they will get into trouble. I have zero time for 'but so and so just did it...' maybe they did. But I caught YOU. You can't argue the punishment is unfair because I didn't see another child doing it.

One of my colleagues had a meeting this week (secondary) based on a parent who insists that any sanction any teacher gives is a form of picking on their child.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 20:47

But MaisyPops, you are not describing a remotely similar scenario. A better analogy would be you seeing four children pull a face at you, but you only telling off the one who accidentally bit their tongue while doing it...

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 20:51

If I were the headteacher, I would actually want to know if my rules were being routinely ignored by all members of staff and flouted by large numbers of students, making me look silly and petty and lacking in authority... I would need to know my rules were thought to be silly...

MissionItsPossible · 20/07/2017 20:53

But MaisyPops, you are not describing a remotely similar scenario. A better analogy would be you seeing four children pull a face at you, but you only telling off the one who accidentally bit their tongue while doing it...

I disagree. A better analogy would be seeing pulling four children pull a face at them but then one child biting their tongue and causing it to bleed and having to get it reported which ultimately resulted in the hurt child being told off for pulling faces in the first place.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 20:55

In other words, the whole staff body should be told off for ignoring the rules of the school, MissionItsPossible. The rules are clearly so crap, the teachers do not even respect them. The head stands alone like an idiot...

MaisyPops · 20/07/2017 20:56

roundaboutthetown
All we've got is the child saying "but so and so plays with a toy and doesn't get into trouble".Teachers hear 'but so and so...' All the damn time.

If the teacher isn't confiscating them all from the kids then that's an issue, but I think the idea that a child is being picked on for being told off for having a banned item is just daft.
Maybe what the teacher should have done is ignored the fact that it got stolen and turned a blind eye to it because then he wouldn't get into trouble. But we all know that wouldn't be acceptable let either. The only correct way in this situation for many posters is child who stole gets into trouble but child who brought a banned item in gets away with it because "but so and so...".

Both children would be sanctioned if it were my classroom.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 20:57

And to claim you should only be punished if you have already suffered for your behaviour is ludicrous and worthy of ridicule.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 21:03

And the parent works in the school - she knows lots of other children are regularly allowed to flout the rule by teachers - mot just before the theft, but afterwards, too. That is not acceptable. It is not just the child's word, it is fact witnessed by a member of staff...

RedSkyAtNight · 20/07/2017 21:07

DD's school asks people not to bring in toys because they are ALWAYS getting stolen/going missing meaning that school has to devote lots of time to sorting out the stealing. If this is also the reason in your school it actually makes perfect sense that he is the one singled out.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 21:15

It does not make perfect sense at all. If staff don't like sorting out thefts and have therefore instigated a rule that you will be punished for bringing toys into school, then they should start punishing all children who bring toys into school which might get stolen, otherwise there is a 100% certainty that children will start doing it more and more often until the inevitable happens. Either have a rule and enforce it properly, or don't have the rule - stop being a lazy arse and saying one thing but only following it through when your laziness catches up with you and makes you do a bit of work investigating thefts.

MaisyPops · 20/07/2017 21:17

If thats whats going on thrn thr lack of consistency is an issue. The solution message to all staff to follow the damn rules (because it annoys teachers like me who do have higher expectations when others ignore stuff an easy life).

The solution isn't to ignore the fact that the child had a toy he shouldn't.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 21:21

The school could just inform children and parents that the children must not bring toys into school to play with, because of the risk of loss or damage, and that if they do, they do so at their own risk, as the school will not take any responsibility for the loss, however it happened. That is punishment enough, imo. If you go further and punish the child in any other way, you must do it consistently and fairly. Otherwise, why are you doing it?!

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 20/07/2017 22:01

PS. What does WRT mean?

With Regards To.

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