Lesson learnt or unnecessary upset?

[PanannyPanoo]

I dropped my son to preschool at snack time today. There were about 12 children and 30+ plastic plates. One little lad asked very nicely if he could have a green plate, and was told "No he had to have the one on the top. He looked so sad and disappointed. Sunk into himself and looked down at the table. No fuss, just sad. The little girl next to him was given the green plate which was next in the pile, She Said "Here J have my green one", and the member of staff said "No that it your plate, J has to have the orange one."

Leaving 2 disheartened children.
I thought it was a pretty reasonable request and the little girl was really kind, but both had snack feeling sad, in my opinion, unnecessarily.

I know in the scheme of things it is not incredibly important, but made me wonder what other pedantic rules they may have there.

It has played on my mind - still thinking about it a few hours later.

I won't be losing any sleep over it!
Just wondered what others thought.

I think they are probably rushed off their feet. I am quite bolshy so I probably would have said something.
Poor little kids. If they can't be kind over little things then how kind are they out of sight?

What happens if there are 30 children all wanting the green plate? Petty rules are often there to stop squabbles. I suppose they could have all green plates, but then, someone would hate the colour green.

For all you know the person serving may have been reprimanded in the past for pandering to whims, rather than dishing up on the first available plate.

I think it's not unreasonable to give a child the plate on top otherwise you could be met with every child asking for a specific colour which might not work out. I'd have maybe said 'thank you for asking so nicely, but you know the rule is we have whichever plate is on top, maybe you'll get the green one tomorrow' (or something). However, if the other child had then offered to swap, I think I would have allowed that... difficult one!

Also I'd say the other child offering to swap seeing the other child upset is a perfect lesson in how to be a good friend so I'd probably have said words to that effect.

Because if they'd let him have the green plate, Charlotte would have wanted to swap her red one for a yellow one even though she'd already started eating, and then Andrew would have wanted blue ... no, red, no ... blue, as a line of children behind him fussed and faffed; Chris would have demanded that he return his green plate now as he wants a red one, food would be everywhere, plates would be the cause of ruin.

I'm being slightly sardonic, but really, only slightly!

I can't see why they would not allow them to swap. It is probably at pita to let them choose initially and might cause squabbles, but swapping doesn't seem unreasonable.

Oh ffs what harm would it have done to let him have the green plate? I'm all for not faffing or pandering to daft requests but seriously? So little effort to make him happy and she refused. There was no inconvenience really was there? If it was right at the bottom of the stack I'd have understood as it would cause a hold up but it was the next one down.

Frankly, toddlers demanding items of certain colours gets tired very quickly and I wouldn't want to negotiate colours of plates all day every day. It would never end if you let them choose colours every time they had a snack.

I inderstand why the lady serving didn't change the plate but think she could have turned a blind eye to the children swapping plates, not a big deal in my opinion. Poor kids!

When there are a load of kids, its easier to stick to the rules.

Who wants what plate causes chaos.

Then swopping stuff does.

Depends - somebody kids just have to make a fuss over everything - green plate blue fork pink spoon

Mums may have time to to pander - but that's now how nurserys possibly work or school

Imagine if they all fussed bucause he got green and they want blue and she want some red - nightmare in the nightmare in the making maling

When I give stuff like that out to the Brownies I give them a random selection and let them swap amongst themselves. If you let one child choose they all want to, which takes longer and you end up with someone unhappy because they all want the same.

I think it's mean not to let the children swap between themselves though

Hmm
I would have let them swap and praised the girl but I am a chaos queen [tiara] with inconsistent rules so I wouldn't listen to me!

Fair enough but too give the preferred color in the first place but the kindness of the girl should have been allowed and encouraged. However, it maybe that this is an everyday occurrence that they are trying to get the boy out of.

^Damn. Lost my there!

Off topic but this makes me wonder why manufacturers insist on a multi colour selection in a pack of 4 or 5 of something for kids. It's just asking for a fight. Just make them all the same colour. See also multi packs of socks/pants/anything where one will always be shunned...

The other problem with giving out the colours and letting them swap round is the quiet no-fuss children tend to end up with the ones no one wants.

I think telling the girl she was kind, but they're not allowed to swap plates would been the best way to deal with it.

Nice spread of germs there as well

There may be a reason for colour allocation. At my nursery children have differently coloured plates depending on dietary requirements/what they are eating.

So sweet of that little girl though, and agree that she should have been praised for her kindness before it was explained that they couldn't swap.

We don't allow the kids to swap randomly-allocated cups at the playscheme. Firstly it's a PITA because one swap encourages another then another and it adds a good 5-10 minutes to snack time, then there's always someone who can't get the swap that they want which adds time, tears and drama we could do without. It also means that any kid who picks their nose/licks their fingers/coughs on their cup between getting it and getting a drink keeps the cup with their germs on it and it gets us away from the whole "I can't have this because it's pink and I'm a boy" "She shouldn't have that because it's blue" palaver that some kids still try.

It's never just one swap.

Trouble with swaps is they invariably want to swap back! Part of life is learning not to sweat the small stuff.

I think it's mean not to let the children swap between themselves though

There can be though. As redhelenB said. Swopping can often end in a toddler/child regretting the swop and someone still being upset

I wouldn't let them chose because of the chaos but I would have allowed a swap assuming the little girl hasn't yet touched her food.

Tbh though I'm of the opinion that having plates or cups of differing colours is asking for trouble. I would just buy identical
Plates and cups and save myself The headache, even if it meant missing out on 6 plates for a quid In Ikea.

While I can see why you felt that the nursery was being pedantic, there will have been a reason for not allowing the children to swap. It's likely to end up in a whole series of kids wanting to swap, which can then take quite sometime to sort out, especially if a child ends up with a colour they don't want.

Much better to say right from the start that every child has the top plate, no swapping. Some days a child will get the colour they want, dome days they won't. The nursery workers are teaching the children not to make a fuss over things that don't matter.