Lesson learnt or unnecessary upset?

[PanannyPanoo]

I dropped my son to preschool at snack time today. There were about 12 children and 30+ plastic plates. One little lad asked very nicely if he could have a green plate, and was told "No he had to have the one on the top. He looked so sad and disappointed. Sunk into himself and looked down at the table. No fuss, just sad. The little girl next to him was given the green plate which was next in the pile, She Said "Here J have my green one", and the member of staff said "No that it your plate, J has to have the orange one."

Leaving 2 disheartened children.
I thought it was a pretty reasonable request and the little girl was really kind, but both had snack feeling sad, in my opinion, unnecessarily.

I know in the scheme of things it is not incredibly important, but made me wonder what other pedantic rules they may have there.

It has played on my mind - still thinking about it a few hours later.

I won't be losing any sleep over it!
Just wondered what others thought.

I don't disagree about the need for rules, but in this case the little girl next to him offered him her green plate. I don't care how busy the nursery worker was, it wouldn't have taken much for her to take the little girl up on her offer, explain nicely to the boy that although the rule was you usually had to have the next plate in the pile he was welcome to have the green plate because the little girl was happy for him to have hers, and remind him to say thank you to her if he didn't do so automatically
To my way of thinking the nursery worker missed the opportunity to highlight some valuable life lessons. Little children should be encouraged and praised to be kind, and have kindnesses to them pointed out and taught to say thank you

Reminds me of the days when I was teaching in year 2 and we had cartons of milk every day which were decorated with either birds or dinosaurs. I wonder if the manufacturers realised the traumas that were caused to some children who wanted the alternative design to the one they were given.
I didnt let them swap as it would have been 10x5 minutes of teaching lost a week. I said it was a lucky dip.
They were 7 though not nursery age so not quite as traumatic!
Hope I don't bump into a former pupil who trlls me how scarred they were from getting a bird milk rather than a dinosaur one!

Lesson learned - you saw a snapshot. Maybe this is a regular occurrence with this child, maybe they deliberately take turns with plates. It could be that yesterday they gave the little boy the green plate as he requested but told him that it would be someone else's turn tomorrow. My own kids do stuff like that all the time - now they swap and bicker over who gets to sit where in the car. My youngest volunteers her turn if one of her older sisters complains but I don't let them swap, it teaches both of them something.

Thing is, if one gets what they want, all the others will suddenly decide they want a certain plate, which will invariably lead to chaos in a nursery setting!

You can't treat 30 kids in a classroom the same as you treat two kids at home, it just doesn't work!

You can't treat 30 kids in a classroom the same as you treat two kids at home, it just doesn't work!

It's a nursery not a classroom. They should make the time.

Okay, so if all thirty of them want the green plate? Or Jonny swaps with Katie and then Katie changes her mind and has a tantrum?

How you do give 30 kids what they want, when they all need feeding etc?

YABU. You saw a snapshot. Teachers/nursery workers have to deal with kids bickering over what colour plate/cup every bloody day.

Are there dofferent colour plates for different allegies/ parents' preferences? That's how it was at our nurseries.

Reminds me of the days when I was teaching in year 2 and we had cartons of milk every day which were decorated with either birds or dinosaurs. I wonder if the manufacturers realised the traumas that were caused to some children who wanted the alternative design to the one they were given.

We used to have pink or blue cartons - I once found a boy crying over his pink carton because he didn't "want milk from a lady cow".

I agree that swapping is a recipe for disaster, mayhem will ensue. Let one choose their colour/swap and all of them will be asking. YY to the pp who said they should sell all the same colour stuff.

There's a debate as to whether the policy is correct for child development, but if that policy is in place at the pre school, then there is no debate as to whether the staff can follow it or not.

It's a stressful, disempowered job to work in a nursery, it isn't fair time expect staff to go against a setting policy

It feels a bit silly not to let the boy gave green plate but monumentally silly to crush a child's good deed for the sake of protocol.

It's one of those things which is unfortunately necessary in order to make the day march along. Children can't swap plates or share food because of allergies, normally. There are lots of opportunities to develop empathy, sharing and consideration that fit in with a nursery day. It sounds like it could have all been phrased better, but you can't just make time in that way. There is a lot of the classroom in the nursery.

We have coloured plastic cups. My kids are older now but I remember 'I want the yellow one....no that's mine you have the red one.....but I want the yellow one.....'

I announced that all of the cups would be black from now on (regardless of the actual colour)

No one argues or asks for a special cup or plate in our house anymore.

Perhaps I will go to MN hell where the pearls are clutched for eternity, husbands are vilified and everyone is overheard in waitrose

Wide range of responses, really interesting. Thank you.
Yes, I only got a snap shot.

There was only around 12 children - not 30.

3 staff so it didn't appear like they were particularly rushed or stressed.
The plates were handed out empty with the snacks on the table for them to help themselves to, so not an allergy issue.

I think its interesting that many of you feel that the colour doesn't matter so the children are being instructed not to care, along with so many examples of how it has caused issues.

I think my feeling is that the colour obviously does matter to many children. 2,3 and 4 year olds have quite limited opportunities to make choices during the day, so maybe letting 12 children pick their plate colour wouldn't be such a bad thing to do.

I definitely think the little girl should have had her thoughfulness recognised and celebrated.

I think my feeling is that the colour obviously does matter to many children. 2,3 and 4 year olds have quite limited opportunities to make choices during the day, so maybe letting 12 children pick their plate colour wouldn't be such a bad thing to do.

Unless they have 12 of every colour then they can't do that because they couldn't guarantee every child getting their choice.

It could also be to do with the child. I know one child who would always swap. Always in the hope of that making another child like him more. It had to be slightly discouraged as it didn't help (other kids just saw him as a soft touch and began to expect swaps which made life difficult if more than one wanted a swap) and he also had to be taught that his wants were equally important.

You only saw a snapshot. It'll be a policy for a reason.

Also a pp mentioned just having all the same colour - sometimes that's just not possible. Sometimes you can only order the available colours, which might not match the ones you already have, and sometimes 6 multi coloured plates/cups is cheaper than same colours. People would soon complain if prices were higher to facilitate buying matching stuff.

At dds nursery they had plates based on dietary requirements, vegetarian, omnivore or allergies. Sounds sensible. If this isn't the case, the swapping sounds petty. The way in which it was done from what you have said wasn't nice and didn't help the children to understand why they weren't allowed to swap

at 'didn't want milk from a lady cow'. Milk from a bull would be...interesting.