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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she shit stirring or am I mug

59 replies

Mousedl1 · 20/07/2017 13:51

So to cut it short I split from Husband not too long ago and have since meet a lovely man we will call him A. We have been seeing each other for 9 weeks and been a 'couple' for 4 weeks. At the weekend he invited me to his friends to meet him and his wife. Everything was nice and they seemed nice, later that evening friends wife messaged me to say it was nice meeting me and A had asked her husbands opinion of me and A talks about me all the time but it's always good stuff which is fine.
The next day she messaged me as she needed some help with something medical so I popped over to her house. She proceeded to tell me that A told them I keep slipping up and saying I love him. I have never once said this as it's a new relationship and I don't as of yet. I messaged A who said she was talking shit and I have never said that.
She also told me a woman 15 years younger who he went on 1 date with before me keeps messaging to meet up with him on sundays but she expects he prefers me as I live closer and she is further out so it's easier to date me 😳 I refused to really comment and said it's up to him and I won't chase a man and he chooses to see her that's his choice but I won't be messed around. I have spent every Sunday (day and night) with him so know he hasn't meet her.
I told A what she said and he was not happy and proceeded to send me screen shots of his phone messages and texts to show he hasn't messaged anyone else. I deleted them without looking as I feel the need to check his phone.
Do you think she was fishing for information or trying to gauge my reaction or there is some truth in it and I am being a mug?

OP posts:
user1495451339 · 20/07/2017 14:28

She sounds bonkers! Even if he was seeing someone else it is hardly the sort of thing anyone in their right mind would mention. The love thing was made up so it is likely the other woman is made up or someone he started seeing before you and she is making more of it than it was to wind you up. Maybe she fancies him?

Huskylover1 · 20/07/2017 14:30

She's shit stirring. You'll never know why. Some people are just like that. I've met a few. She's most likely an unhappy individual who is a bit jealous of your new lovely relationship.

thebigbluedustbin · 20/07/2017 14:32

I bet she's friends with that younger woman and is fishing for info to pass on to her.

Original poster
Mousedl1 · 20/07/2017 14:33

He admits he went on one date with the other girl before me and him ever get together- which is fine and none of my business.
I did find it odd that she would choose to tell me this the second time we meet and after the first time message me to say he asked friends opinion on me and talked about me all the time - I wouldn't be happy if my friends did this!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/07/2017 14:35

I know she doesn't see his ex as it was a nasty break up and she was blocked by his ex as they argued over what ex did

She seems awfully possessive of him.maybe she's harbouring a crush if nothing in the past. Either way she's defo jealous.

Serialweightwatcher · 20/07/2017 14:35

She's not a friend, to you or him ... who does that when a relationship is starting out, unless someone wants to cause upset to either or both parties? You need to decide for yourself if you're happy with A and nobody else should be involved - enjoy yourself and get this rubbish she's spouted out of your head Flowers

Willow2017 · 20/07/2017 14:39

She is shit stirring justvfoevthwchell of it. Maybe she doosnt want another female in the friendship as she is used to being queen b.

Next time you see her record her and If she starts her nonsense tell her straight to keep her lies and opinions on your relationship to herself.

She is a nasty piece of work keep your distance as much as you can. I am with your bf, if i was him I would be asking her wtf was going on too.

Original poster
Mousedl1 · 20/07/2017 14:39

A stated he will be with me regardless of what people say or think as he likes me a lot, he did ask his friend what he thought of me but only to see and his answer wouldn't of matter as he wants to be with me.
I am going to chalk this up to crazy and ignore x

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 20/07/2017 14:40

she is a poisonous manipulating unhinged gossip.. who clearly enjoys throwing a cat amongst the pigeons.. whilst sitting back and watching.... the chaos...

do not let this Freak do this to you ..... and WHY when your Partner knows exactly what she is like.. would he allow her to continue to meddle in his private life... this is dangerously weird...

I would block her number distance myself from this Person fast...

TedHumzee · 20/07/2017 14:43

Weirdo alert.

Her:ignore any messages, don't go to an event if you know she's there. Grey rock treatment - detach in the most practical, non emotional way possible without trying to "have the last word" or "get to the bottom of things"

Him: I wouldn't mention this too much, just take one day at a time and don't rush things you can't go back on.

However I agree 100% with pp that you SHOULD monitor to see what his judgement is like in terms of being surrounded by overdramatic loons.

There's a certain "type" of man who is fine 1-1 but who doesn't have discernment or boundaries when it comes to his family/friends so anyone dating him ends up living in some soap opera situation with "he says X she says Y" because it's just the "social norm" for him.

They seem to think that any woman who has joined them for dinner twice and had sex once now "wants" to get involved in some friend drama straight out of a 90's sitcom.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 20/07/2017 14:43

She doesn't seem to want to you and him to have a relationship, for some reason. She's trying to make you doubt his commitment, question his behaviour and generally not trust him.

You may only have known him for nine weeks and been a couple for four, but you describe him as lovely, and his reactions when you've told him about what she's said have been completely open.

Don't give her the satisfaction of letting her get to you. Block her and let it go. If he wants to take it up with her I suppose he can, but as a pp has said, she'll twist things and make out you're the one who's crazy.

As for him talking about you to his friend, I couldn't get worked up about it. Women do it all the time!!

Willow2017 · 20/07/2017 14:45

Just for the help of it !!!
Stupid phone

Willow2017 · 20/07/2017 14:46

HELL NOT HELP ffs!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 14:49

Either she's shit stirring or he is a massive show off saying how much you love him and that this other woman is chasing him and he's been found out.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 14:50

And not sure how someone could send screen shots to show they haven't been messaging someone - surely they'd just delete the messages first?

goujonsfortea · 20/07/2017 14:59

This could be about the crazy woman and her relationship with her DH. She may be jealous of other women being becoming friends with him, e.g. through your DP, so she would rather your DP stay unattached.

As many of us have experienced, sometimes it isn't comfortable to be friends with another couple when one of them is not the full shilling. DP will just have to see his mate on his own.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 20/07/2017 15:00

Do not engage the crazy (and by crazy, I don't mean mentally ill, I mean a non-mentally ill person who is pushy, sticks herself in the middle of drama, makes drama up if there is none naturally available, and has no boundaries).

You already know she is making stuff up. The more information and contact you give her, the more fuel you give her to mess with you. Avoid her like the plague.

japonicaleaf · 20/07/2017 15:11

Ignore her. She sounds like a jealous, shit-stirring bitch. (And block her on facebook!)

gamerchick · 20/07/2017 15:11

OP you are well within 'sucking in the crazy' range.

Plus the fact he's proving himself to you with screen shots means he's not adverse to drama himself. Avoid the weird friend, choose a stick sentence to give her every time she contacts you if you can't ignore or more preferably just ignore her completely.

Honestly reading you post was like reading something from late teens types.

swingofthings · 20/07/2017 15:18

Either she took a real liking in you and is trying to warn you because your partner is not what he seems and even though she likes him much, she doesn't rate him as a partner, or

she took a dislike in you and is being a b*.

FuckYouLinda · 20/07/2017 15:19

I'd someone exactly like this - a 'friend' of DP's - more of an acquaintance really. I knew her too and I thought we were fairly friendly. She blanked me when I mentioned that he had asked me out, and continued to blank me. A grown woman in a committed relationship of her own. Heard through the grapevine that she was proclaiming that it would never last and that he'd see sense etc.

Anyway, DP phased her out fairly quickly of his own accord. I maintained a dignified distance, and never dictated to him what he should do with his friendships, but I was quite happy when he made it clear that he had no time for people trying to interfere in his choice of girlfriend. We are together 15 years now DC growing up and planning our wedding. So I guess time has proved her wrong.

Let her talk shite and make an eejit of herself. She'll be the one looking daft and over-invested.

Atenco · 20/07/2017 15:58

I think it is quite telling that her friendships seem to go down the plughole. I mean how come someone she had only met the night before was the only person she could trust with her medical issue?

SwearyG0dmother · 20/07/2017 16:12

I wonder if she had someone else in mind for him, a friend of her's which would make a wonderful cosy foursome? You've spoiled her plans so she's trying to get you out of the picture for social convenience.

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable · 20/07/2017 16:18

Everything about this is weird to me.
Firstly, her txting you after you met for the first time. Then her finding you on fb 😨
Then asking you over the next day.
I mean it's none of her business!
A went over to meet his friend really. She's his wife so was there probably to keep you female company.
He doesn't care about her opinion. She's not his mate.
She's absolutely crazy and I'd stay away from that woman.
If he wants to meet his mate why does his wife need to be involved. Especially since she's freaky.
And the fact she told you what they thought of you 😕
She's too involved in her husbands business and should mind her own.
She seems to be a shit stirrer.

Bluntness100 · 20/07/2017 16:22

Actually there is that. She could be being honest. He wouldn't be the first man to swing his dick around and act all arrogant " oh she keeps saying she loves me" or " yeah I could have the younger one if I want, but she's more convenient".

I think we have all assumed because he said she is lying she is lying. The truth might be she's not and she's doing you a favour. She's sat and listened to him and has decided to tell you as she liked you. Let's face it, if it was true he was never going to tell you. That and sending you screenshots is just a bit overly defensive.