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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to invite this child?

49 replies

justwhiisitwhosvotingtory · 20/07/2017 11:53

Trying to negociate the invites for DDs birthday party. She's at pre school but her birthday is in the holidays so I'm trying to get the invites out now. The party is at home so I can't invite the whole class or anything - and there are children from outside school too. DD only has a few children she plays with anyway.

So I have asked her who she would like to invite and all of them are girls except for one, let's call him A. He's a nice kid ( but big and rough) but his mum has actively blanked me at pick up times for the last year. She has a clique of similar mums who she hangs around with and all their kids play together.

A once tried asking his mum if DD could come and play at his and she couldn't say no quick enough. I am also worried that if he gets an invite all the other mums in her clique will get the hump ( even though DD is not friends with their kids).

AIBU not to invite this child as he will be the only boy ( not that that normally matters to me!) because I can't stand his mum/don't want to cause an 'issue' on the playground. It's a nursery party so I'm expecting parents to stay if that makes a difference too?

OP posts:
CherryChasingDotMuncher · 20/07/2017 11:54

YWBU, if your DD has asked for him to be invited then I think you should.

FWIW if they're 3/4 I would also say no to a child I didn't know coming over to play unless the parent was gonna be there too

GahBuggerit · 20/07/2017 11:55

Is it your party or your DD's?

"AIBU not to invite this child as he will be the only boy"

Biscuit
WorraLiberty · 20/07/2017 11:56

'Clique' rather than friendship group? Confused

Anyway, I think you're probably way overthinking this if you're assuming the other mums will get the hump about their kids being invited to the party of a kid that theirs don't even play with?

I'd hand the invite to the mum and let her decide whether she lets her child go. After all you did ask your child who she wants to invite.

honeysucklejasmine · 20/07/2017 11:57

You may as well, it sounds like the mum will probably decline anyway.

WorraLiberty · 20/07/2017 11:57

*not being invited to the party of a kid theirs don't play with

MrsOverTheRoad · 20/07/2017 11:58

I wouldn't bother OP. They'/re so small yet...if his Mother's so rude then why would you want to interact with her at all?

It's not like when the DC are older.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 20/07/2017 11:59

You tried to invite your child to their house?

BrieAndChilli · 20/07/2017 12:00

It isn't the done thing to invite your child over to someone else's house, I'm not surprised she said no and now keeps her distance!

Also I would invite who your DAD wants to the party,that said one year DD had a frozen party and it was all girls apart from her little best boy buddy, we decided it wasn't really his thing so I took them to the cinema and pizza on her actual birthday instead, could you do a play date or something similar?

SpiderManTheChicken · 20/07/2017 12:00

YANBU I wouldn't be inviting him to my child's party due to him being rough, and his mothers attitude.

Ameliablue · 20/07/2017 12:00

You asked for your child to go to hers for a playdate, even though you don't like her? Did you invite her son to you at all?

BeepBeepMOVE · 20/07/2017 12:02

You tried to invite your DD to someone else house!
NO wonder she avoids you.

DD shouldn't miss out on having a friend at her party because you acted oddly to his mum.

Original poster
justwhiisitwhosvotingtory · 20/07/2017 12:03

Yes clique. I stand in line with them twice a day and they turn their backs when I arrive. Not done anything I know of to upset them...

Her child asked his mum if DD could play, why would I invite her to someone else's house?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/07/2017 12:03

Wow. You asked for her to take your daughter for a play date? You get that's not how it works right?
No wonder she's off with you.
Let your child choose who comes to the party.

Floggingmolly · 20/07/2017 12:03

No, the child himself asked his mum for a play date at his own house Confused

Original poster
justwhiisitwhosvotingtory · 20/07/2017 12:04

A not I!

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 20/07/2017 12:04

"A once tried asking his mum if DD could come and play at his and she couldn't say no quick enough. "

And I do this, I can rarely do playdate's (would involve booking annual leave - not prepared to do this) so I find saying no at the start stops all of the "but mum"ming and doesnt give any false hopes to either of the kids.

I dont blank parents through I admit, maybe shes just one of those people, but if your DD likes this very young child who can't control how his mother behaves I cant see why a grown up cant put aside their feelings about the other parent for the sake of the two kids who obviously like each other.

deadringer · 20/07/2017 12:04

I would invite him if your dd wants him, it's not his fault his mum is a pain in the ass. I wouldn't give a toss about anyone getting the hump. Btw unless I read your op wrong you asked this woman if your dd could go to play at her house? I would find that odd and a bit cheeky tbh.

popalittlepancakeintothepan · 20/07/2017 12:05

Lots of people here who haven't read the post correctly. OP didn't ask for her DD to be invited over for a play date. The boy (A) asked and his mother declined. OP was not rude.

popalittlepancakeintothepan · 20/07/2017 12:05

Lots of people here who haven't read the post correctly. OP didn't ask for her DD to be invited over for a play date. The boy (A) asked and his mother declined. OP was not rude.

Ameliablue · 20/07/2017 12:05

I missed that you were calling the child A, it made the story confusing.

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2017 12:06

Misread.
You have no idea why she said no to a play date.
Your child gets to decide who comes to their party. You need to be the grown up.

deadringer · 20/07/2017 12:08

OK sorry I see I misread your op. Mistook A for I.

stitchglitched · 20/07/2017 12:11

You should invite him as that is what your DD wants. It also won't exactly help the atmosphere if your young child repeats to him that she wanted to invite him but her Mummy wouldn't let her.

bettytaghetti · 20/07/2017 12:12

It's quite likely that they may be away on holiday or the other mother will say no anyway, so why be the bad guy in your DD's eyes? If there is no other problem with the child she wants to invite then why not? I wouldn't worry about the other members of the clique.

Bluntness100 · 20/07/2017 12:14

Of course you should invite him. You cannot decide your child's friends based on your own social standing, that's weird. It's about your daughter, not you. And you don't know why she said no to a play date. The fact he's a boy is irrelevant.

Be a bigger person and invite him. The other mums won't get the huff because their kids don't play with yours. But it will be obvious if you don't invite the boy that you're behaving pettily and think the party is about you.

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