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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to jack it all the hell in and run away (with DD and DH)?

75 replies

user000001 · 20/07/2017 11:40

I've been running a business since 2012. We've had some good years and had a good lifestyle, but now we're in a hard patch, and despite a lot of work on the horizon, none of it is being approved. I haven't been paid for four months.

I had to return to work when DD was 5mo because I couldn't afford to keep paying my (very pricey) maternity cover any longer.

We rent in one of the most expensive areas of the UK. We can't afford to buy anywhere near here, if we bought a home we'd have to move far out of town, making my commute longer and reducing my time with DD (and DH).

DD is due to start nursery next month (currently with family), which is another £1,500 per month.

I own the business with two friends/ex-colleagues. They could probably continue without me (it'd be harder, and they probably couldn't afford to replace me immediately).

DH and I have £55K in savings.

Our rental agreement expires in September.

I'm sorely tempted to cut and run. To find a cheap place to live (I'm inspired by all the people I hear about spending under £1K pm on rent), work part time in a job (not a 'career job').

Yes, I'd piss off my co-directors, yes I'd probably piss off my clients, and yes I'd piss off both sets of grandparents by moving far away.

But at the moment I'm watching myself hemorrhaging thousands of pounds a month and only seeing my baby for a couple of hours a day during the week (I know this is normal, but it's bloody hard).

I'm almost 40, I've built up a career, I love my job, but my priorities have completely changed and I just want a nice life, and to see my little girl more.

What would you do?

OP posts:
sourgrapes28 · 20/07/2017 12:50

Pack up and go. Don't look back Smile.
Priorities change over time and if you want more family time and you can financially cope then go for it. Other people will just have to cope, you can't stop your life decisions because x, y and z won't approve.

PinkHeart5911 · 20/07/2017 12:57

Honestly sometimes in life you just have to fuck people off and do what is best for your & your family. If you don't put yourself first nobody else is going to.....

ADayGivingMeHope · 20/07/2017 13:00

As long as your not screwing your business partners over then I'd say leave. We only pay £400 a month rent in yorkshire for a 2 bed terraced house! 😊

ThomasRichard · 20/07/2017 13:01

Go. You can't live your life to please other people. You and your family are your priority. It's mad to unnecessarily pay thousands of £ in money and hours and hours in lost family time just to avoid upsetting people who truly will manage.

DirigiblePlums · 20/07/2017 13:02

You'll make yourself ill at this rate, I'd seriously consider a fresh start elsewhere

MilkTart · 20/07/2017 13:02

You only live once! What does your husband think?

Huskylover1 · 20/07/2017 13:04

I'd move somewhere cheaper. We moved to a lovely little town and managed to buy a 5 bed house for literally half of what it would cost just 30 mins away (large city).

SprogletsMum · 20/07/2017 13:04

Pack up and go!
55k would be a 50% deposit on a really really nice house around here. You could probably buy a 2 bed terrace outright for that with change.

MaidenMotherCrone · 20/07/2017 13:04

I'd be off like a flash. Start living, really living your life.

Angelicinnocent · 20/07/2017 13:05

Go. If you have some way of making an income elsewhere, then do what's right for you and your family.

For what it's worth, we live 12 miles out of a lovely town in the catchment for the best school (and it is a good one) and pay 750 a month on our mortgage for a 4 bed detached house. We only pay that much because we want to pay off early.

Twickerhun · 20/07/2017 13:08

Move!
Dh and I fantasise about moving to live by the sea in rural wales. In your situation we would go!

jacketej · 20/07/2017 13:09

I'd cut your loses and go, you only live once and have just once chance to make the memories with your little ones. Go enjoy life, make some memories. Rent will be cheaper further away!we pay 650 for mortgage for a four bed town house, rent is around the same mark!
Do it, enjoy it and don't look back

TheWitchAndTrevor · 20/07/2017 13:09

What about your DH? How does he feel?

I get exactly where you are coming from BTW.

GreenTulips · 20/07/2017 13:09

What does your DH do? Can he continue working?

Can you set up another business eleswhere - you have the skills

It's not always black and white - but go for it!! They are only little for a short while - enjoy

NorthumbrianGirl · 20/07/2017 13:16

I'd go. Live somewhere cheaper and earn less. Enjoy your life more.

55k is more than half the value of our nice 3 bed with a good size garden (rural Northumberland). And it is beautiful! When we rented in Newcastle we were paying just short of £400 pcm. You will have so many more options.

I didn't feel ok seeing my dc so little, me and do both work compressed hours so I do a 3 day week and he does a 4 day week to see the kids more.

Maybe think of your life in chapters - you've done brilliantly at what has gone before but now you're ready to do something else?

user1476869312 · 20/07/2017 13:22

If your H likes the idea, get some advice on how to get out of the business without stuffing it for your friends, and go where you want to go.

luckylucky24 · 20/07/2017 13:22

Just go!

I live ten mins from a fab city with amazing links and is actually considered expensive for the north but compared to what you are paying is cheap. For example - Full time nursery is £900 a month, the mortgage on our 3 bed terrace is £650 a month. You have the savings live for a bit up north before you find more work.

abc12345 · 20/07/2017 13:26

Go for it.
You could buy your own place somewhere else with your savings as a deposit.
Put your family first (your co directors would given half the chance)

MrsTickles · 20/07/2017 13:28

Definitely go! Your heart is telling you loud and clear what to do and you won't get this family time back. It's not your job to live your life to make other people's lives easier and everyone will cope. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what if and wishing you had been braver.

MrsExpo · 20/07/2017 13:29

How would a move affect your DH's job? Could he continue working or does he want a move/change too. There are some lovely and much cheaper areas to live in if you can make it work financially. Cut and run and live your life the way you want to. You'll feel better, you'll have a better relationship with your DD and DH. I'm in the East Midlands. A three bed semi in a nice area round here is about £500 per month to rent. Or around £150,000 - £175,000 to buy. Go for it and be happy.

ZippyCameBack · 20/07/2017 13:30

Well it's not working for you the way things are, is it? If you haven't been paid in 4 months then it sounds like some hard decisions need to be made about the future of the business anyway.
Your first responsibility is to your family and if there's a way for you to support them and also make life better for yourself then you'd be a fool not to take it.

MyPepper · 20/07/2017 13:31

Honestly? I wouldn't ask anyone on MN about that because the reality will be much more complex than what you have just described.

Yes it sounds great to move away, live from some savings and only have a part time job.
But then, you will likely to be quickly bored by your job. Depending on what you lik w doing, you might well get frustrated by not being able to do it (or not easily). Same with send friends and family (and end up quite isolated somewhere you don't know).

I'm not tying to put you off as such. But I think that any decision like this needs to be very thought out.
And maybe have a look at a mentor/life coach to review whatever you are doing atm work and family wise. Your answer might be to move away. It might not (because you would just be taking your problems with you)

spiderbabymum · 20/07/2017 13:32

Honestly your gut instinct is right : as it always is in life

You have identified that you want. To perhaps Need to spend more time with your daughter

Make That your priority

And then take steps to do it

You are in such. Fortunate position to have That much in savings

Don't wait until you get ill to change your life ... as many women do

I like your priorities

If it's all too difficult than take a sabbatical / year off then decide

YOu. Know you won't go back

strumthehairyharp · 20/07/2017 13:34

Do it! We live in South Wales not far from Cardiff and rents for a nice 3 bed home are around £500 / £600 a month. Cardiff is quickly accessible by lots of train stations springing up in the valley towns and there are lots of job opportunities in the area. We aren't far from the sea, the M4 motorway means you can be in London in around 2/3 hours.
Us Welsh are friendly and welcoming on the whole. Think about Wales maybe.

londonrach · 20/07/2017 13:36

Go. We did three years ago. Living in london all our money going on expensive rent, living on 20 pw food from idll. My business was good moneywise but eaten up in costs. Every single person i spoke to about this agreed. Leave london. Three years later i have dd and we buying our first house. Sometimes you have to go. Be brave but make sure you close the business properly. I did and found someone to offer continuation.