WIBU to jack it all the hell in and run away (with DD and DH)?

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I've been running a business since 2012. We've had some good years and had a good lifestyle, but now we're in a hard patch, and despite a lot of work on the horizon, none of it is being approved. I haven't been paid for four months.

I had to return to work when DD was 5mo because I couldn't afford to keep paying my (very pricey) maternity cover any longer.

We rent in one of the most expensive areas of the UK. We can't afford to buy anywhere near here, if we bought a home we'd have to move far out of town, making my commute longer and reducing my time with DD (and DH).

DD is due to start nursery next month (currently with family), which is another £1,500 per month.

I own the business with two friends/ex-colleagues. They could probably continue without me (it'd be harder, and they probably couldn't afford to replace me immediately).

DH and I have £55K in savings.

Our rental agreement expires in September.

I'm sorely tempted to cut and run. To find a cheap place to live (I'm inspired by all the people I hear about spending under £1K pm on rent), work part time in a job (not a 'career job').

Yes, I'd piss off my co-directors, yes I'd probably piss off my clients, and yes I'd piss off both sets of grandparents by moving far away.

But at the moment I'm watching myself hemorrhaging thousands of pounds a month and only seeing my baby for a couple of hours a day during the week (I know this is normal, but it's bloody hard).

I'm almost 40, I've built up a career, I love my job, but my priorities have completely changed and I just want a nice life, and to see my little girl more.

What would you do?

Go for it. Have a good life with your DH and DD.

Wah, thank you all so much - so much positivity is actually a bit scary as it suddenly feels possible.

It's very much my idea, but obviously DH would need to be fully up-for-it too.

I asked him his thoughts yesterday (which is when the situation came to a head and it felt like I just couldn't do it anymore) and he was very open to the idea.

He works in Marketing, so although he'd earn less outside of London, there are Marketing jobs and his experience is very transferable. I think we'd want him to get a job before the move.

I don't think I'd set up another company, I'd probably get a more reliable and less emotionally-trying job. In my dreams I'd work in an art gallery/auction house though I realise that's a twee little daydream. I'm not proud though, I'll do any job that makes sense.

We currently spend £2,000 per month on rent, plus travel, utilities, food, baby things etc. it's easily £3,600 per month. Soon to rise to £5,000 including nursery fees.

I think the best thing to do from the business-perspective is to work remotely for a while. I could move and do 80% of my job from home, irrespective of where home is. And then phase-out when the timing works best for everyone.

One problem is that neither of us drive (having lived our adult lives in London we haven't felt the need until DD came along) and I guess we'd have to learn quickly (though maybe could do that locally once we move, it'd be cheaper, and avoid learning in Central London).

Northumberland was actually the first place I thought of. After London, I just yearn for some time and space.

Could you do what you do by yourself if you set up elsewhere?
Could your DH continue to earn the same amount?
If yes then it's a no-brainer. If you don't need to be in an expensive location then don't be.

I agree with other posters. I have been a midwife for many years and have seen how having a baby changes life. Down size. Live your life and be a happy family.

Midwife

Pack up and go! There are many areas in the UK where you can get a nice 3 bed semi for 6-700pcm. For 1000 you could get a really nice house in a good area.

I moved - I weighed up how much I see my family and friends and decided for the amount of time they actually visited me (rather than the other way round) it wasn't worth staying for family alone. Being further away means I feel less obligated to keep popping in and means that when I do visit (noone has visited me yet grrr) it's planned and quality time.

I'm on 35k and have a nice house, a nice new car and 3 horses - and still have money left over at the end of the month. It's nice to feel 'comfortable' rather than just scraping by...

I would say do it. I did and although I do sometimes panic at having let my career go, I know that I did what I had to do to be happy.

I would advise you to thoroughly check out any area first. I didn´t but happened to get lucky but if i think of the other similar places I could have ended up in I shiver! The seaside town I live in is really beautiful but what makes it much more liveable is that it has the areas local hospital, arts centre and local government. That means it attracts a lot more life and varied population. It makes a huge difference to me as a Londoner.

area´s

We'd almost definitely earn less (when I'm actually earning money, which feels like forever-ago). But living expenses would be so much lower. I've spent the last 20 years chasing money, I'm just so tired of it. Background: though I work a relatively normal week now (9-5:30) I had periods in my 20's and 30's when I was working 80 hour weeks. It's tiring, and now we have DD seems so pointless.

I LOVE London, I've been here all my life, but I'm not worried about being isolated or lonely (I have friends who I love, but I'm quite insular by nature). DH is more sociable than me, so we should start by thinking about places that he already has friends (his university town, Manchester, Durham, Glasgow).

MyPepper you're definitely right that it deserves some careful consideration. The big risk factor of waiting is that every month we wait, we lose £5K. DH returns to work in October so will start earning money again then, and yes, my business could start bringing in money again even next week... but there's a risk that the savings we have will be squandered while we think about it.

Another factor is our parents. Mine are 70 and 75, his are 60 and 65. They're all 'young' but as time passes, there's a chance that we'll want/need to be closer to them (they are in the South).

In a heartbeat OP!! A few years back I took severance/ redundancy from a National company....and I have never ever looked back....the main thing for me was to spend time with my elderly parents ( only child of older parents) ....well mum died 5 weeks ago and I can't even begin to tell you how pleased and lucky I feel to have had that time with her....for me it's been well worth th downshift in lifestyle and being a tad more careful with money and spending ( but that's no bloody bad thing either to be fair!!!) ... I was able to do so much to help my dad and will continue to be there for him ( even though he's a lot more independent than mum was) ....I realise it's not for everyone and not everyone is in a position to do it....but your post is asking about you and your family.....my DH was and is very supportive about the changes ( plus I was the main breadwinner for the first 7 years of our marriage) and as I say, I've never looked back.....good luck with whatever you decide to do.....and however much someone earns ( unless they are on hundreds of thousands a year) 5 K a month is a fuck load of money to have to find !! X

Agh I'd leave (and have). We packed up to move oop North because both DH and I just couldn't bear London anymore. I have a job (which most people view as a career) but I'm happy to middle along as I get to spend time with my kids and DH. I earn enough that we're comfortable and DH can be a SAHP.

If you can work remotely I'd definitely do that and wind up in the future (although you may find your opinion on your job changes with space and freedom).

The seaside town I live in is really beautiful but what makes it much more liveable is that it has the areas local hospital, arts centre and local government. That means it attracts a lot more life and varied population. It makes a huge difference to me as a Londoner.

This is important to me too - I don't mind being completely remote, but if I'm in a town, I really value a varied population, arts, and open-mindedness. Can you give any hints (or a secret message) as to where you are? Being by the sea would be the dream.

Kevinbacon I'm so sorry for your loss, your message brought a tear to my eye. I'm so glad you got that time.

Do it.

My BF lives on the IOW. She also rents out a 4 bed place on the Island for under £1 a month- £900 comes to mind for some reason.

It's still in the south so not 'cheap' but is striking distance of London so she and her DH both work mostly from home, with one day a week in London for meetings etc.

She has two children under the age of 10, and they go rock pooling after school.

100% do it and do it now before nursery and school make it harder.

Follow your instinct.
Sure it will be hard at first and it's never as easy as it sounds now and yes, you might get bored in a new job. But your DC will only be little for a short time, before you know they'll be in school and you can think about work(ing more) again.

Definitely do it!

Thank you, it's priceless time that I could never have got back....oh and I live in the east mids and it's a 50 minute commute into London and you can rent a very nice 3 bed semi here with drive/ garage for approx £700 PM....x

Again, I'd say get over the border into Wales, close enough to the south and London with the M4 M5 links. Rents are cheap, lovely scenery but Cardiff is vibrant and fun with plenty of public transport links.

It does sound awesome. But let me be a slight pessimistic voice (sorry! I do actually think it sounds amazing).
I would try and learn to drive, at least one of you, before you go. It will be very difficult if you are somewhere remote to be non-drivers with no family nearby. You can only supervise a learner once you have passed your test for 3 years so even if one passes now, the other won't be able to practice with them in your own car.
Also it will be hard without family nearby. Do you have any aunts/uncles/cousins living anywhere nice you could gravitate towards? That backup when children are sick is invaluable; even your non career job isn't necessarily going to be happy about you having time off when DD is sick, and it's tough going when there's just the two adults to cover everything.

I personally wouldn't go really remote. Get a good way out of london to save money but somewhere with buses so you can get around without driving, and somewhere you can get a train back to see your parents within a few hours.

If u like northumberland I'd look at living near Newcastle first some suburbs are lovely and green. Has brilliant metro system if u rent walking distance to a station.

We moved to Norfolk from the very expensive south east and went from a two bed flat to buying a four bed house. It has been hard as DH has to still go into London for his job but the space and property we get compared to where we were is a no-brainer. If we'd stayed where we were, we'd have never moved out of our flat and now we have a garden, DD is five mins walk own the road at school and we have a lovely garden and neighbours.

Consider all your options but sometimes you have to just do these things. Norwich is really lovely btw, great connections to London and a fab city. The property here is good and although the jobs don't pay as well, we are really glad we did it.

You;ll make friends and can visit relatives fairly easily by train etc I'm sure. Obviously do your research into the area you consider moving to but don't hesitate - life is too short.

moggle they are all very good points and the voice of reason is very much appreciated. All our family are in London and the South East, I think the furthest-out they are is Surrey.

And you're right about driving, it's a real problem unless we go to another city or a largish town with good transport links.

I think the idea of living truly remotely is only one step away from some utopian dream of 'living off the land'. I know that's not the best idea, and I certainly don't have the skills for it (I was 14 when I saw my first cow).

All the waves I have friends around there, I'll pick their brains.

I guess my brief is:

Good transport links into town/city - for work
Good transport links to the SE
Good schools/nurseries
Cheap rent (for the short term, with a view to buying locally)
A bit progressive/arty/liberal #dontmentionbrexit

I'll get thinking about it. If you know anywhere like that, it'd be lovely to hear about it.

Wales is a good call, DH has links there, I have family moving there this year, I don't know it very well (except from family holidays).

£1500 a month for one kid for nursery?! you're being done.

And that's for a four day week Tazer...

How about Leeds, Manchester or York? Or on the outskirts of those cities if you want rural - loads of options in Yorkshire for example that are actually very rural but also very close to Leeds or York. 2 hour direct train into Kings Cross. Several big companies in both cities and also agencies who need Marketers. And yes yes to working at least partly remotely, it's brilliant. PM me if you have any more questions I don't want to out myself! Good luck! X