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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To work for half of the school holidays

35 replies

PenelopeChipShop · 20/07/2017 11:17

I'm a LP (fairly recently), freelance with unpredictable hours, trying to build work back up again after second 'maternity leave' (without a secure job to go back to!)

I do rely on my parents somewhat for childcare to work, my mum claims she is happy to do this but doesn't want to commit to doing a certain number of days every week which is completely fine. I tend to do short-term contracts and she will cover childcare then there will be a period of few weeks when I'm not working.

I've been offered 3 weeks' full time work last minute, but it's all in the summer holidays so childcare required is for both kids. My mum has said she will help (with some not all of it - have got other things in place) but has lain a massive guilt trip on me saying I'm 'giving up on them' for the summer holidays and 'I'm not sure why you're choosing to do this, the toddler will miss you' etc etc. She says she is happy to look after them and enjoys it but seems to constantly want to make me feel guilty for not spending every second of the summer hols with them. I will be home for the other three weeks!

It's my view that the vast majority of parents have to work for some or all of summer and they will have fun with grandparents (I hope!) and in holiday clubs, I need the money, I am a single parent trying to do my best here - this could lead to other work.

Not sure if I'm going to get flamed for complaining when I have free childcare but why does it have to come with a side order of guilt?!

She is always making me feel guilty for spending any time away from them - when I mentioned the toddler going into the gym crèche occasionally so I could do a workout class she went on and on about how she was too young for group childcare! For 1.5 hours!!

OP posts:
Ketzele · 20/07/2017 11:20

Of course working parents can't spend the summer with their children - it would be lovely if we could, but we can't. Chin up, deep breath, you know you're right!

Ketzele · 20/07/2017 11:20

But I also know how hard it is to e criticised and guilt-tripped by your mother - Flowers

ghostyslovesheets · 20/07/2017 11:23

most parents don't get the whole summer off - ignore your mum - it's 3 weeks - the kids will be fine!

toosexyforyahshirt · 20/07/2017 11:26

Don't ignore your mum, fgs, when you are looking for massive favours! I think she is trying to tell you that you are asking too much, some women in particular find it very hard to say no to such things even when they want to.

How old is she? How old are they? Can she really cope with them?

And to be honest, even if she can, completely free childcare is such a big thing that you should take it with a side order of whatever it comes with!

WaxOnFeckOff · 20/07/2017 11:26

My kids used to spend 5 out of 7 weeks every summer in full time holiday club. Up and out the house for 8am every morning, packed lunch just like school days. I felt guilty as hell, they however loved it. They had friends to play with and enough kids for group games and they also took them out on trips. They probably did a lot more than I would have done with them had I been off.

There are good points and bad points, but needs must when the Devil drives...

Your Mum knows which buttons to press to induce your guilt, but the reality is that the kids will be fine and perfectly happy.

BarbarianMum · 20/07/2017 11:27

If you want the childcare you get the opinions. Family presumption works both ways.

YANBU to work.

Shiraznowplease · 20/07/2017 11:28

If it makes you feel any better, I am working all summer holiday. I will be off one day a week and on the weekends, I am feeling pretty rubbish about it but we are going away for a fortnight in October and we went away for half term. I have also been to all concerts, sports day and school activities though this year and have just had to explain mummy works and can't do everything. I am going to try and make the most of the time we have off together

Original poster
PenelopeChipShop · 20/07/2017 11:29

Thank you both! I think I'm secretly a bit relieved to have something to focus on to take my mind off the family summer holiday we're aren't having. I will miss them loads, as that is quite a long contract for me, but I think they'll be fine.

I just want to do something positive. I keep looking at friends pictures of lovely family holidays and days out on Facebook and crying 🙁

OP posts:
ladystarkers · 20/07/2017 11:31

Sounds like she doesn't want to mind them. Can you usd childcare? Shes beinf ridiculious btw.

Original poster
PenelopeChipShop · 20/07/2017 11:31

Shiraz that's absolutely right you have to just make the most of the time you have. We aren't going away at all unfortunately. Hopefully they're too little to really care.

OP posts:
MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 20/07/2017 11:32

If it isn't your mum, it'll be someone else.

Probably relatives who always say at the end of summer hols "Oh we should have taken the boys to such and such"

You are working to support your kids, I'd say you are doing alright in my book.

VimFuego101 · 20/07/2017 11:34

I think you're losing sight of the fact that you have developed a career that allows you to spend half the summer with your children! That's the holy grail for many working parents. Ignore your mother Smile

WaxOnFeckOff · 20/07/2017 11:37

If it's any consolation, we took ours away every year and they remember very little. You will find yourself doing more in the time you have as you will be more focussed. You can still do fun things tha don't cost a lot, picnics in the park, swimming, cheap morning cinema or movie and popcorn in the house on a rainy day. Building forts from sheets and chairs etc.

I never went on holiday as a child and I remember my summers as being brilliant even though in reality I probably spent a lot of time indoors watching tv!

Original poster
PenelopeChipShop · 20/07/2017 11:38

Vim, thank you for that! That's actually the best way to look at it isn't It! x

OP posts:
colacolaaddict · 20/07/2017 11:44

I'm pleased we've managed 3 weeks this year. If i were a LP it would be less than 2 probably, and when they were in nursery prob a week in June and one in Sept. Ignore your mum, Vim's spot on. You are doing great by your kids.

toosexyforyahshirt · 20/07/2017 11:46

Vim, thank you for that! That's actually the best way to look at it isn't It

Not to your mother.

Can't believe the repeated "ignore your mother" comments. She is the woman providing the free childcare, people, wtf is wrong with you?

colacolaaddict · 20/07/2017 11:49

Toosexy's got a fair point about not ignoring your mum, but I think you tackle that by offering to sort more childcare, not by letting her guilt you into turning down the contract.

colacolaaddict · 20/07/2017 11:49

Crosspost!

toosexyforyahshirt · 20/07/2017 11:51

It's not about the working. YANBU to work whenever you want or need to. YABVU to slag off your mother, use her for free childcare, complain about her online and encourage other people to be rude about her, and ignore her.

Just pay for childcare. OR at least stop giving out about your very kind mother.

BeepBeepMOVE · 20/07/2017 11:52

Was your mum a SAHP?

The majority of parents work through the holidays, can't just take 6 weeks off. You still have 3 weeks with them which is plenty.

How does she want you to pay the bills?

HelloSunshine11 · 20/07/2017 11:53

I'm working the whole holidays bar a week. It's just what has to be done to keep a roof over my son's head, better that than the alternative!

Your mum is being unfair, unless she is using this as a veiled way to say it's too much for her. I know paid childcare is hard to manage as a freelancer but in your shoes, I'd look into it. It sounds like your mum is a bit like my MIL who was always at home for her kids and felt sorry for my son having to go to nursery. Times have changed though!

jendou123 · 20/07/2017 11:55

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eddielizzard · 20/07/2017 12:03

you need money. you've been offered work = great! i would be looking into holiday clubs tbh.

either you pay for childcare or your mum does it but her guilt tripping is part of that package.

altho how can she fail to see that you need to eat? it would be nice if she were less judgemental...

SapphireStrange · 20/07/2017 12:05

I think you're losing sight of the fact that you have developed a career that allows you to spend half the summer with your children! That's the holy grail for many working parents

This. You have it better than a lot of parents in that respect.

I think you need to ask your mum calmly to change the way she talks about the time you spend and don't spend with your children. It's not fair to constantly try to guilt-trip you. I wonder how many men get guilt-tripped about not spending 'enough' time with their kids?

supersop60 · 20/07/2017 12:06

I think the posts saying ignore your mother don't mean literally ignore her! I think they mean ignore your mother's guilt trip comments.
I would say don't take your mother's childcare for granted, and don't overload her with childcare - you are so lucky to have her!