To work for half of the school holidays

[PenelopeChipShop]

I'm a LP (fairly recently), freelance with unpredictable hours, trying to build work back up again after second 'maternity leave' (without a secure job to go back to!)

I do rely on my parents somewhat for childcare to work, my mum claims she is happy to do this but doesn't want to commit to doing a certain number of days every week which is completely fine. I tend to do short-term contracts and she will cover childcare then there will be a period of few weeks when I'm not working.

I've been offered 3 weeks' full time work last minute, but it's all in the summer holidays so childcare required is for both kids. My mum has said she will help (with some not all of it - have got other things in place) but has lain a massive guilt trip on me saying I'm 'giving up on them' for the summer holidays and 'I'm not sure why you're choosing to do this, the toddler will miss you' etc etc. She says she is happy to look after them and enjoys it but seems to constantly want to make me feel guilty for not spending every second of the summer hols with them. I will be home for the other three weeks!

It's my view that the vast majority of parents have to work for some or all of summer and they will have fun with grandparents (I hope!) and in holiday clubs, I need the money, I am a single parent trying to do my best here - this could lead to other work.

Not sure if I'm going to get flamed for complaining when I have free childcare but why does it have to come with a side order of guilt?!

She is always making me feel guilty for spending any time away from them - when I mentioned the toddler going into the gym crèche occasionally so I could do a workout class she went on and on about how she was too young for group childcare! For 1.5 hours!!

Tell your mum that as a lone parent, financial security is really important to your kids too. It's vital that you're bringing in enough to keep the ship afloat. And that means working.

Do you have to use her for childcare or do you think you'll get to a position where you don't need to?

I think you're losing sight of the fact that you have developed a career that allows you to spend half the summer with your children! That's the holy grail for many working parents

I think free childcare on tap would be the holy grail for many working parents.

I am working 5 out of the 6 weeks - I can just about afford to go camping on the week that I have off because of all the childcare I have to provide while I'm working. That said, I'd be far worse off not working.

My child is off to some great places and to do some brilliant things without me though and we'll have a fantastic week camping so I don't feel I'm letting her down, in fact I'm doing the opposite by providing an income that enables us to have a rather nice life.

You must find a way of not relying on your mother for childcare though so that it's a treat rather than a chore for her or resentment will build on both sides.

I do take the points about what she does for me - she does childcare occasionally, it's not regularly. Because I don't work regularly.

It's very, very difficult as a freelancer - I can't justify, or afford, to put my dd into nursery every week bc I don't work every week. My ds is in school - and is doing some holiday clubs - but they don't last all day so I need my parents to collect him and watch him for an hour or so until I can get back.

I don't actually feel that I'm asking loads of her, she was a teacher and genuinely enjoys seeing them! But she does guilt trip me a LOT and I am actually rally trying to identify that so I don't pass it on to my daughter!

She will always act like women having any time to themselves is a massive luxury for example - like me wanting to go to the gym, she thinks is really wasteful and pointless, rather than a massive help to my mental health to have one or two hours for me between work and childcare with no DH.

I am upset st the moment and I think this post isn't really about these 3 weeks but the constant comments if I dare to do anything for me. No criticism of the DH who bloody left us!!

How frustrating! I was just about to ask where your DH was/is? Why isnt he looking after the DC for half of the holidays?

sounds like she doesn't understand the reality of your life. would she listen if you tried to explain?

Don't feel guilty about working OP! Mums are always beating themselves up about that and I really don't see it as something to feel guilty about. Therefore criticism or implied criticism about working parents doesn't really tend to get under my skin. If your DM thinks you're taking advantage of her that's different and you should acknowledge that but I really don't accept that you need to accept guilt-trips or PA digs from family in return for free childcare like some on here. People should do favours with good grace or openly raise their objections imo - life is too short to spend time trying to decode PA nonsense.

Good for you OP- doing the best for your family in the circumstances. I can't imagine your mother would have this attitude if you were a single dad - I'm sure in that scenario you'd be being lauded as a hero!

She sounds like someone with very traditional views about the place of men and women - possibly quite bitter because she allowed those to place limits on her own life and aspirations, which you are not doing. Smile and nod, don't debate, what she is saying is not serious and should not be treated as such.
Where is the dh btw - can he not help?

I am upset st the moment and I think this post isn't really about these 3 weeks but the constant comments if I dare to do anything for me. No criticism of the DH who bloody left us!!

Yes, you do have a bigger problem than the three weeks.

I do think a calm but firm chat is in order.